I read all your comments on my last entry -- Dismayed -- with much thought and a whole lot of appreciation! I spent a good part of yesterday visualizing what the 'talk' with Sir Steve could look like -- about wanting him to spank me - take me in hand. And I was almost comfortable with the idea .........
BUT
then I thought I do not want him spanking me for me ..... I want him to do it because *HE* wants to...... otherwise I won't enjoy it -- it won't accomplish what I hope for..... and I realized I can't talk to him - won't talk to him.
It made me feel sad inside -- but it is what it is ya know?
Then I took a close look at what we had 10 years ago......(what I am basing this time 'round on) the spankings... the playing... all of it. Sir Steve was with another partner back then...... a dominant woman who wanted to play every weekend all weekend. I got caught up in that whirlwind and loved it....... OH we did vanilla stuff -- but mostly that relationship was based on play -- and on being seen -- and being out there. Sir Steve's partner thrived on the being seen -- on being in the limelight. I never really thought about how Sir Steve felt about that......... now I think with me he has lost the limelight -- loss the glamour ya know?? And maybe all the BDSM that was back then -- was only in public -- only for show -- and not something that translates easily for him to private.
So that's where everything sits right now......... my expectations based on a false reality from 10 years ago -- which is not to say that life isn't good cause it is! It's loving and caring and the best I have had in a long long time.......... I just need to put the expectations where they belong.......... in the realm of fantasy.
I understand, Morningstar ... but I still think you should have a conversation ... and if he's like most Doms/HoH's, he'll enjoy spanking your ass no matter the motivation (grinning) ... nj ... xx
ReplyDeleteWe are all different, and must do what is best for us....for me, M would be disappointed if there was something more or less I wanted and I did not discuss it with him. Now, it took me a lonnnnnng time before I reached the point where I could, would....I have to say...it has always had a positive outcome...and brought us closer. hugs abby
ReplyDeleteHi Morningstar,
ReplyDeleteI get you not wanting Sir Steve to spank 'for you' but because he wants to. I agree with NJ. I too still think you should talk to Sir Steve. Maybe instead of saying you need/want spanking you could come from the angle of it's ok if he wants to spank, that you aren't too fragile (for want of a better way to put it) and he won't 'break' you. The rest is then up to him.
Hugs
Roz
You can talk to him about your feelings without suggesting to him what he should do about it.
ReplyDelete