Ya know what?? brace yourself... i feel a mini rant coming on.......
i wrote an entry on Monday about the humiliation play that happened at the party on Saturday night. A lot of comments/emails teased me?? joked?? about how much i loved it.
Can i say............... WRONG!!!! so very wrong.... i hated it.
Get your ass beaten.. and it leaves marks.. and everyone goes "OH WOW.. that must have hurt !!!"
Get your ego beaten.. mashed up and spit out.. no marks show and everyone says "OH WOW how much fun!!"
BUT ya know what?? the marks on the ego.. the self esteem.. they hurt bad.. maybe more than bruises on one's ass.
Know what else.. it ain't fun !!!
i have spent a good part of this week feeling out of sorts.. ugly.. slutty .. dirty... those are not fun feelings for me....... maybe for you.. but not for me !!
All those fairy tale blogs where everyone serves happily.. lapping up all the dirt .. all the pain.. all the humiliation that is dished out...... well i am here to say sometimes taking the pain is not a fairy tale at all.. sometimes doing what your Sir wants/needs/demands is damn hard.. and it hurts real bad......... BUT that is what makes it right ...........
serving when it hurts.......
serving when it is real.........
serving when it is not what you want.. when it is not fun ..
I couldn't agree more with you. Serving when it isn't fun, when it hurts deep down inside in the emotional realm. In the core all bringing it to the light, being a slave/submissive, it is what we do, what we are.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to see that it isn't all fairy tales out here. I would rather read reality anyday of the week.
Take care. :)
This is what I was trying to get to. Well, hoping to. The not-feel-good parts that we stick through anyway.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this part.
kaya
I think you're incredible; it's easy when it is something one likes, but to follow through like you did when it is so difficult - all I can say is your Sir must be VERY proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI am always proud of My littleone and this time is driving Me nuts as I don't know how to make things better for My littleone, since this happened under My command.
ReplyDeletePart of Me wanted to go to the " Head of Dommes " and hand in My Domme's license for I haven't done My job as well as My littleone has and she doesn't need to hurt this badly and I started this and haven't controlled it well to fix it.
I am very worried about My littleone and I honestly don't know what to do to assist her :-(
Sir,
Owner of morningstar
You know, thing about relationships - any relationship - is we're all fallible; we make mistakes, take turns that are unexpected, follow unusual paths ... and the thing is, at least half the time, that's a GOOD thing ... if we stayed on the same same path then as human beings, we wouldn't be exploring the unique facets of our own personalities - pushing ourselves to expand and grow and experience new things.
ReplyDeleteObviously, dearest Sir and dear morningstar, there are going to be good things and bad - but one slight little byway on the path we're on doesn't mean we're goign in the entirely WRONG direction .... it just means we have to sit down for a minute, reassess, figure out why that path didn't work for us.
I believe that you two are incredible - you are real, you are sincere, you are committed and mult-faceted.... this too shall pass.
We live and we learn, we accept and are accepted.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing this part!
I am sorry for your hurt. I hope it heals in time -- just as the external marks would (if you ever got any)... Try to be at peace, Dear Friend. This is difficult but not impossible. You have the strength and the solidity to find your way to some sense of understanding about this particular episode.
ReplyDeleteHugs, swan
Part of growing is making mistakes. It is only from the edge of the cliff that we have the best view. And sometimes, we need to back away quickly because we don't like it, it scares us, or we don't like it.
ReplyDeleteWhile playful humiliation and teasing on a one-on-one basis can be fun, generally speaking real-life humiliation is a scene-crasher for me. The line between humiliation as part of the power exchange and as a sign of disrespect is too fine for me. So it's not really part of my play, or that our those I have subbed to.
I'm sorry to hear it turned out that way. But now Y/you are both richer by one experience, and both of Y/you have a little more self-knowledge, the most powerful kind of knowledge.
Take care.
Raja