Detailed weekend...

i had intended to write.. and did actually.. a detailed description of our anniversary weekend.. but blogger wasn't in a cooperative mood last evening.. and everything went poof.... soooooooo you all got the short "reader's digest" version... This morning i am feeling lazy and contented and have decided to try the "war and peace" entry again............

Ok first off.. my gift to Sir:
My gift for Sir was a carved wooden box (because wood IS the traditional gift for 5 years and we are just sooooo traditional dontcha know!!) Now before i go much further you have to understand my gift giving practices - at least with Sir..... i try very hard to give symbolic gifts.. if they are useful all the better. Inside the carved wooden box, this year i gave Sir a pocket watch.... because i have always maintained the very best gift He gives me .. is the gift of time.. (as well when we play publically He always removes His watch in case the clasp comes undone and the watch goes flying across the room........... the pocket watch can rest safely inside his pocket out of harms way) On the cover of the watch was a picture of an old steam engine (Sir loves steam trains!!) and to me it symbolized our "journey" together over these last 5 years.. and in the years to come...

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The weekend:
Last weekend driving home from our little holiday at my brother's cottage, we stopped into Kingston for lunch, and some wandering about. We discovered that the old Fort there was going to have a military tattoo on July 29th. Sir bought tickets and reserved a room in a local hotel .. and that is where we headed this Saturday. We spent a glorious afternoon roaming around the fort (despite the pouring rain) up and down stone steps.. finding hidden stone rooms up long stone staircases

i am this history freak so needless to say my imagination ran wild.... and i didn't even blush too much when Sir had me stand in one of the dungeon rooms... lift my dress and take some shots.. (He does love the pics He finds of naked women out in public... god only knows how they do it!! truthfully!!)

Anywayyyyyyyy getting back to the day.. in the evening we went back to the fort for the military tattoo which was long.. way too long for my poor lil ass to sit on a hard wooden bleacher - 3 1/2 hours long to be exact!! But it was moving, watching the marching bands, the girls doing their celtic dances, the fireworks .. all of it... absolutely breathtaking!

Sunday found us on the road again.. coming home.. and i thought the weekend was finished.. glorious as it was.. i hadn't received the anniversary spankings kaya talked about in the comment section........... but i was NOT going to pout!!!

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Sunday afternoon and evening:

Now back tracking just a wee bit.. on Friday morning we picked up our friend from Texas to go kinky shopping before she headed home.. while we were visiting my favourite shop Il Bolero, i found the most interesting new toy. Now you have to understand something about my toy shopping... when i am buying it for me... (rather than as a gift for Sir) i tend to try and find toys that are different.. we have floggers .. we have whips.. i look for something out of the ordinary... and i found this lil toy hanging all by it's little lonesome.. it resembles a black piece of hose...... not rubber but some sort of hollow rope. The handle is bound in tape, inside the hollow rope is a tubing of some sort that goes about one third of the way down.... at the very bottom of this 'hose' is a piece of lead shot. i offered it to Sir to try on my ass - to the delight of Johnny the owner of the shop - and i yelped quite nicely even through my slacks!! Sir gave me permission to purchase it.......

Now back to Sunday evening......... Sir had brought this "puncher" (my name for it) up to Kingston, but because of the late hour returning from the tattoo, and my already tired sore ass, it didn't get more than a few practice swings against my bare ass.... Sunday evening i brought the puncher to Sir and asked (ohh so sweetly) if He felt like really trying it out........ of course He agreed.... now i can honestly say this puncher is gonna be THE toy for lazy doms.. or tired doms.. Sir sat quite comfortably on the sofa and took a couple of practice swings... and OH MY GOD! what punch that toy has............ Sir said it left rather interesting marks on my ass - but i haven't seen the pictures.. i just know that it didn't take much for me to be wiggling around, then finally flopping over on my side and begging for no more.. of course after a little breather there were more!!! It was afterall an anniversary spanking.. something to be remembered !!!!

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and that dear friends .. is the weekend in review........ the detailed version!

(and now i will go and answer some of the questions left in the comment section of the blog - for those of you who asked!!)

A quiet peace

My heart is too full tonite....... i will simply leave you with the pictures of my new framed geisha.. and my new fairy tshirt...

Tomorrow i will tell tales of new toys that hurt like the dickens.. but for tonite... just an inner peace..

Our special day...

June 2001 i knelt at Sir's feet and begged Him to collar me.... my heart was beating so hard and i was so sure i was going to be sick..... His answer " I will think about it".... He took over 4 weeks to "think about it".... and every hour of every day i was sure the answer was going to be "NO"...... On July 29th 2001 Sir took me and had me tattooed, brought me home and put His collar around my neck..... i was owned !!!

i realized not long afterwards that the month Sir took to think about it.. was time spent weighing the responsibility of what He was going to take on.... He did not enter into this relationship without much soul searching......... He is a man with scruples....... this was not a game ... this was for real.

Today we celebrate our 5th year together. The time has flown by...... we have weathered more than one or two storms.. a few health issues.. we have also grown together .. we have laughed together and we have loved together.

i want to say here and now... i am as proud today to be collared by this man i call Sir as i was the day the collar was first fastened around my neck. In my entire life i have never felt as fulfilled .. as loved.. as cared for ..

Sir......... You have given me wings to fly.......

ships passing in the night....

On July 16th - almost two weeks ago - Sir and i met at our monthly munch, a submissive who was visiting here from Texas. i sat with her most of the evening... thoroughly enjoying her company. She was funny (hysterically funny actually), intelligent, warm and friendly. AND she felt like a sister ! i thought how unfair that we will only have this one evening to laugh and talk....

But as the fates would have it... Sir and i managed to have her over for a barbque supper on Tuesday evening - nothing special such a quick barbque dinner and more time to laugh and talk and share. The early evening streteched into night.. and still we sat outside watching the flames in the little fire pit.. talking and talking..... i thought it would be our last chance to be together...

And then the talk came round to vibrators.. and her vibrator that could (she swore it could!) break concrete... and she mentioned how she hadn't seen /visited any of our kinky stores here in town......... Sir sat straight up... no one in the lifestyle comes here and doesn't visit at least ONE of our kinky shops.... Her schedule was quickly laid out ...could we fit in a shopping trip?? She is leaving on Saturday.. could we?? would it be possible??

Well as it turns out.. her exams (she is taking a french course up here - what else would a good southern Texan girl do up here??) would be finished by 10:30 a.m Friday ... Sir checked His schedule nothing booked.... and me?? well i am on summer break so i don't really have a schedule. So we are all off to visit at least Il Bolero this morning... maybe even Northbound Leather if there is time..

Then it will be time to say goodbye to this southern gal who graced our Great White North for such a short period.... i will miss her.. miss her smiling face.. her wonderful hugs. Like two ships that pass in the night........ i wonder if our paths will ever cross again............

Wishful thinking... or be careful what you wish for..

Last evening Sir and i were discussing how easy a lay i am.. i gave Him the "shocked what ARE You talking about look" and well .... one thing lead to another... and before i knew it ...Sir had laid down a task for me... i was to apply the bulldog clamps and then using one of my vibrators masturbate to orgasm. Well not being one who knows when to keep my tongue between my teeth.. i believe i said something to the affect of "YOU have got to be kidding??!!!" which landed me up with doing it twice.. once last evening after my bath.. and once this morning..

Do you remember the first bulldog clamp session?? Each hour on the hour bulldog clamps on each pussy lip for 20 minutes?? If you missed that one you can read it HERE. Ok ok i am a masochist.. but ya know what?? there is something sacred about my masturbation times.. they are NOT supposed to include anything painful.. nope .. not all.. no Sireeeee!!!

After my bath i grabbed the camera (cause you just know Sir is gonna wanna see THIS!).. the bulldog clamps.. and my favourite vibrator that has a little beaver positioned in just the right place to stimulate all the right bits.... and climbed into bed.... (now i ask you - how much fun is all this preparation for a little masturbation session - kinda kills the mood if you know what i mean) i carefully held my breath and applied the clamps....... god i had forgotten how much they HURT ! then i picked up the vibrator turned it on.. and tried to slide it in..

HELLO.......... ouch.... the ding dang clamps got caught up in the vibrator and were trying to join it inside me! i repeat OUCH. ok ok.. small adjustment.. hold clamps apart while inserting vibrator... HELLO .. ouch.. it won't go all the way in!! i am thinking that my friend the beaver is now banging against said clamps .. ok so i will forego having the vibrator deep inside.. after all i have my little friend the beaver right??? so hold still grab the camera and shoot umpteen pictures praying at least one will turn out... put camera down and turn vibrator on HIGH .. cause by now i have lost any mood i had had and am gonna need all the help i can get - trust me! Everything is purring along so nicely... and i can feel myself warming up to this.. (just don't make any sudden moves and you can almost forget the clamps are there.. almost !!!) Well then i start to have an orgasm.. and trust me when i say ... i am can not - totally mission impossible - for me to lie still while orgasming... i tend to clamp my legs together and (when masturbating) for some reason.. roll over on my stomach......... well guess what?? clamping my legs together just at the right moment .. clamped the bulldogs down hard and HELLO....... ouch!!! and poof one orgasm gone gone gone....... big sigh.. try again.. same thing happened.. ok i give up... (not SUCH an easy lay Sir !!) i pull everything out and off.. turn out the lights and head off to dream land.. all the while trying to figure out how to do this orgasm thing without ripping my pussy lips off...

Morning dawns and i am ok ok i admit it.. horny as hell.... so i think to myself.. a different vibrator.. after all i am the queen of vibrators .. there must be one that i can use with less contact with the bulldogs......... so i go and get my "fuzzy" purple vibrator... discover it has no batteries in it.. discover i have no more AA batteries.. grab favourite beaver vibrator remove AA batteries.. insert in fuzzy and start again.. (now i repeat my question... is masturbating supposed to be so much work???!!!) Apply bulldogs .. silently scream OUCH and decide i am definitely more sensitive early in the morning... take deep breaths .. turn on fuzzy vibrator... slide it slowly and cautiously in.. BINGO .. it slides in with a minimum amount of contact with bulldogs... (didn't anyone tell Sir .. dogs and pussies are NOT best friends??!! ok ok.. bad joke) Cautiously i pick up camera and shoot umpteen more pics hoping one will turn out... and then proceed to get down to the business at hand - so to speak. Everything moves along swimmingly until the point of orgasm.. and BOOM.. Pain with a capital "P".. and poof there goes the orgasm....

At that point i am ready to throw the vibrators AND the bulldogs out the nearest window.. decide i need coffee more than an orgasm.. decide i am NOT an easy lay..... decide i better pray at least one pic of each session turned out .. decide i had better write my private journal to Sir .. while i drink my coffee... AND decide never to wish for anything ever ever again......... (ok ok.. at least until the next weak moment!!!)

oh yeah.. a couple of pictures did turn out.. and i am posting them for your viewing pleasure.. (someone should get pleasure out of this task !!! )

(and as i am still ordered to write a story a day.. i will post another post to the Fictional journey a little later .. and probably update my photojournal as well......... right now i definitely NEED another cup of coffee.. coffee is gonna be my best friend today i think!!)

High Noon

It is high noon...... and i wonder where the time has gone... i did tackle my "to do list" for Sir.... YAY! And i did try to tie myself into a pretzel all in the name of yoga and trying desperately to loosen up some tight joints... i did organise my business files (some what!) and i did pay some bills........and i did make and receive some phone calls... and yet i am surprised to see it is noon already.........

i did have one smutty thought today...... (ok ok more than one.. but one i am willing to admit to) ......... the word "slut".... it has always been a word that curls my toes ...... makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up...... and the one word that will make me want to slap someone SO BAD that i almost forget i am a good submissive.

"slut" as defined in the dictionary (and by my parents who planted that thought firmly into my psyche) is "a woman who is slovenly or who has many sexual partners". Now Sir says i am just this side of being obsessive / complusive about how clean and tidy the house is... so i am most definitely NOT slovenly.... i can probably count the number of sexual partners i have had in my life time on two hands........ i don't think that puts me in the "many sexual partners" category. So why is it.. someone please explain to me.. that a lot of Doms like to call Their submissives "sluts"?? Why is it that a lot of submissives see themselves as "sluts" - even if they really aren't??? Why does that word seem to have such a prominent position in this lifestyle??

Is it my age that makes it so difficult for me to accept this label?? not just for me but for any one i hear being called "slut"?? Is my mental picture of a submissive that different from others?? You see........ to me a submissive is the epitome of a "lady", polite, quiet, gentle, modest..........ok ok.. maybe the one difference is... a lady doesn't fuck..... she does IT modestly in the dark. Ok ok i admit it.. i have never particularily enjoyed doing IT in the dark ... i LOVE sex.. i love it any where...any how (don't get too worked up Sir.. NOT THERE and not that way!!) any time... i have enough vibrators (and batteries) and dildos to make sure that i never ever have to go without an orgasm!! it has been rumored that i have a dildo/vibrator to match just about any mood any woman would have........ (but the rumours exaggerate!!) and oh yeah, P... i do not have a concrete breaking vibrator .. though the thought intriques me!!

Does my love of sex make me a "slut"?? i don't think so. i believe it makes me a healthy happy woman......... so please tell me .. what IS it with that word???

Bouncing Ball

It has been awhile since i posted a bouncing ball blog....... you are forewarned........

When we got home from our little vacation, i went to visit all my regular blogs.. check up on everyone and make sure you all played nicely while i was gone... one of my favourites .. and a dear friend... Cloud/drakor had not posted for much of the time we were away. At first i figured he was busy with home and family and life in general........ but when he didn't reappear over the weekend i called him ............. when he answered i didn't even recognise his voice it was so weak and soft. It turns out he was in hospital all weekend.. and is now being treated as an outpatient (from what little i could get out of him) ... He has a "blood disorder" which seems a very vague diagnosis........ but then i keep reminding myself he just wasn't up to talking... i can't get him out of my mind... he would be cross with me for "worrying" so i am NOT worrying!!! BUT i am thinking about him.. and THAT is allowed (small stamp of foot) one thinks about friends who are ill .. right???

AND i am a little frustrated with blogspot.. god love 'em.. BUT come on... it takes forever to load up the program "create new post" and pictures won't upload at all .. (i have to go through the back door so to speak) .......... now i know i shouldn't "bitch" about a program that is free.. that allows me to ramble on without censorship....... but still and all... can't we get this thing working properly once and for all??? (Now tell me that no one else is having this problem and i will panic cause it will mean my poor old pc which has been limping along for ages might just be really sick!!! )

AND then i just realized that July ends this weekend!!! Where the devil has the summer gone.. in exactly 2 weeks (give or take a day or two) i will be back in school!! i had such plans for this summer.. i bought 7 books and have only read 4....... i wanted to work on my secret garden and am only half finished.. i wanted to scrape down the basement windows and get them painted and i haven't even bought a scraper or sandpaper or paint......and i wanted to go and see my grandson play at soccer (play AT .. because according to his mom he hasn't quite got the idea of playing soccer yet.. he tends NOT to try and get the ball away from the other kids cause according to him.. "they had it first!")

AND i don't want to bitch about my task list from Sir cause being GOS He will probably ease the load....... and i guess i don't really want to ease the load...... just want to bitch about it.. a story a day while He isn't with me He said.. and i have been writing like crazy....... but i am running out of ideas...... AND (pouting just a bit here) i was getting encouraging comments on the stories.. BUT they have dried up.. soooooo if anyone is actually reading my stories.. can you give me some suggestions for story lines...... please???????? i went to the well and i think the well is drying up.........

AND i don't know why .. but there is a blog which will remain nameless who's owner/author drives me absolutely NUTS.... can anyone please explain to me why i keep going there to read what is written?? i need my head examined.. i just don't need the aggravation.. but something swan said about poor advice and jumping in without looking rang so true..... some sites/blogs just shouldn't be read by newbies.... and in my case.. some sites shouldn't be read period!!!

Now i really do believe i have bounced around enough....... i have a story to write and a house to clean and a dinner to prepare - Sir is entertaining this evening..........

A good beating

i had really thought Sunday would be a day of rest here at the Condo... We had had a busy week .. and a long drive on Saturday and i just figured Sir would be pooped and glad of a day of rest, especially since He had told me He wasn't staying over Sunday. "ASSUME" - makes an ass out of you and me right??? well out of me for sure....

Around noon Sir announced that He thought it would be a good idea to go downstairs and have a "GOOD" session. (actually i think He used the word 'beating' ) boy i must have been ready for a session cause no sooner were the words out of His mouth than i was standing naked at the door... panting like a dog in heat... and oh oh!! i was feeling just a tad bratty and just a tad devilish...

Downstairs Sir put me on the cross (it had been a while and funny thing was - i love the cross with a capital "L"ove .. but i was disappointed i wasn't gonna hang from the chains so He could beat both sides.. go figure!!!)

Sir picked up one of the more wimpy toys we have .. a rubber flogger and went to work on my ass... i was yelping and laughing immediately .. hanging onto the cross for dear life.. twisting and turning and looking back over my shoulder reminding Him it had been a while since we had had a GOOD session and i was a BIG wimp.... He just laughed and didn't pay attention to me...

Soon after though He switched to the circus whip .. laughing He told me that He thought it would be a good idea to start with the tough toys and work down to the softer wimpier ones... oh yeah??!!! i didn't particularily think that was the route to go.... and of course told Him such... smart assed mouth of mine !!! It wasn't long before i was yelping out "oh f**k.. oh f**k.." after each hit.. kaya - i didn't even bother to use "stop mother blankety blank blank" i just developed an immediate sewer mouth and used it.. Sir was laughing and suggested that the norm was for the submissive to say "one Sir.. thank You Sir" .. not "OH F**K" after each hit.

After what Sir deemed was a nice "warm up"..... warm up??!! He calls the circus whip a WARM UP???!!! He moved right along to the cane. Now the cane is the one toy i do LOVE to hate.... if you have never had a cane used on you.. let me describe the delicious?? sensations one gives.. the strike compresses the tissue and muscle which creates a rather loud OUCH and then a couple of seconds later as everything bounces back the blood flows back in and there is a second OUCH!! (kinda like removing clamps - as the blood flows back it almost hurts more than when they went on) ... Sir absolutely delighted in watching me dance a little jig after each strike.. and enjoyed listening to my sewer mouth.... (hey i did warn you i was in a devilish mood).... i do believe i alternated between "OH F**K" and "OH SH*T" and finally landed up - as is my habit from time to time - in fits of giggles.

Sir then brought out the BIG guns.. the Gorean Whip.. this leather treasure is actually 3 broad strips of leather that work together much like a whip - even has the very nice crack of a whip - but the crack happens AS it hits its target.. NOT in the air!!! Sir worked that whip up and down my ass.. moving down to my thighs .. making sure that He got my soft spot more than once!!! and that the whip wrapped nicely around each thigh to mark the insides as well as the backs... It was somewhere around there that i felt myself giving over.. and i called to Sir to stop for one second.. i had IMPORTANT news... (stupid news if you ask me today!!) i was in the mood.. IN THE MOOD !! to have my breasts beaten...... god i do believe Sir is making me into a masochist!!! i asked Him ever so nicely if.. when He had finished with my ass.. IF He could turn me around and work on my breasts... and Sir... being GOS (good old Sir for those of you who missed the posts about that anagram) confirmed i really wanted my breasts beaten!

Sir is always ready to oblige a hungry needy submissive ........ so when He had finished with my ass He turned me around and picked up the cane.... He looked me in the eye and said "What do you think ?? 50 strokes each breast??" At that point it was all i could do to nod. i did however keep track - somehow - of the hits.. counting them out to Him.. even god only knows why! pointing out to Him that He had missed one to the right side.... i got up to around 20 when honestly i have no memory of anything else.. i was watching the red lines blossom across my breasts.... and wondering if Sir could /would make a checker board pattern .. when i heard His voice coming through the fog saying it was enough!

The one thing... it is very rare that i argue the end of a session... and yesterday was one of those days... He unclipped my wrists from the cross and i slipped easily down to the floor on my knees to thank Him....... it was like my body was a mass of jelly with no bone structure to hold me upright.

And now for your viewing pleasure .. my stripped breasts....

(some time today for those of you interested.. i will be writing a story for the Fictional Journey....... as per my summer orders)

Family Holidays...

This vacation was a family holiday. Now you have to understand that my brother is - basically - all the extended family i have left.. He also lives a life i left behind over 10 years ago. BUT he is still family ... and he wanted Sir and i to come up and see their new "cottage" they had just had built....

Now to fully understand how "happy" i was about this holiday - you have to understand that i HATE driving anywhere - anything over 3 hours is wayyyyyy too long in the car for me.... AND this trip to the cottage was gonna take 7 hours or so....... already i was really happy. Then i had this email from brother dearest asking about sleeping arrangements.. did i wish to have separate bedrooms?? sighhhhhhhhh ok ok.. so my brother needed to get to know Sir better !!!

Now add to all of the above that this was gonna be so vanilla .. so stiff .. so formal a holiday.. that it was gonna squeak..... loudly! i will not bore you all to death with the minute details of a vanilla holiday with family .. in a cottage .. with one sunny day and one rainy day. i will say that no one was murdered... there were no family arguments .. and Sir and i managed to leave yesterday feeling we had done our "family duty".

There were a couple of moments that made this holiday a private memory though...... like Friday morning early...

(outside our bunkee - which was where Sir and i elected to sleep - much to my brother's discomfort - a bunkee is a little one room bedroom that is down from the main cottage - usually reserved for the kids - and is on the beach)

i was sitting on the stone bench watching the ripples in the water when Sir came and joined me. In no time at all He had me standing bent over the railing while He fucked me from behind........ god!! i didn't dare make even a whimper as sound cares so well at 7:30 a.m. across the lake........

And then coming home....... both Sir and i were getting a little restless in the car when out of his jacket pocket came the clamps....... i was ordered to fasten them to my pussy lips for the ride home........ boy oh boy the bumps in the road sure kept me awake then!!!

So we are home.. for a week or two.......... Sir still has a couple of holiday trips planned - both thankfully under 4 hours driving... and both with a whole lot more BDSM mixed in to add some flavour and interest...

It is good to be home.. now i must read everyone's blogs and see if you all played "nice"................

"our bags are packed"

(singing)

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go

I'm standin' here outside your door

I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn

The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn

Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

yup.. that's right Sir and i are off for a couple of days holiday.......

Now everyone play nice while we are away.. share.. be good to each other.. and don't forget me!!! i'll be back blogging probably by Sunday..........

(i have left you all another posting to the Fictional Journal AND some sexy pics (well i think they are sexy!!) on the photojournal to give you something to read while i am away..... )

on male submissives......

i have always maintained it takes a very strong character to be a submissive/slave. BUT these past few days i have been thinking how much stronger a character one must have to be a male sub!

Stereotyping tends to guide our preceptions... if one sees a male at a munch (let's say) one tends to assume first that they must be Dominant. (ok ok except for the few exceptions that give off very strong submissive tendancies... and yeah yeah i am probably sterotyping yet again!!) However my point is.. see a male and (ok ok !!! ) *i* tend to assume they are Dominant. One expects males to be dominant by nature. (god how bad we are!!!) i tend to wonder if this is why so many male subs tend to be switches.. to alleviate our misconceptions of male submissives...

Anyway.. that wasn't what i really wanted to get into today... i have been thinking/remembering the few times i have seen male subs at play parties.. public and private. What i have experienced for the most part is humiliation play - by dressing them up in frilly women's clothing. ok that is fine if that is what the male sub is into.......... BUT what about the male submissive who is a real masochist ??? Most female Doms i have watched don't seem to do much more than dress 'em up and parade 'em around....... how boring if you are a masochist...

A few weeks ago Sir and i went up to the private retirement play party, and i was fortunate enough to watch a scene between a female Domme and her male partner. i have known submissive 'd' for sometime now..... but have never actually been fortunate enough to witness a scene with him. i watched as his Domme strung him up on chains blindfolded, spread his legs with a spreader bar and reached for a flogger. His penis was flaccid and almost hiding. She started with soft slow strokes across his belly and thighs.... almost touching his penis but not quite.... i sat mesmerized watching the gentle flow of the falls from the flogger.. watching how she came ohhhhhhhh so close yet left him wanting. She changed floggers and the "game" continued.. so close yet not close enough. i watched while his limp penis started to rise to the occasion (shall we say). i couldn't believe it.. well yes i could.. but still.. it amazed me! ( 'd' is fortunate to be well-endowed and the scene was demonstrating just how well endowed he was. ) Still there was no direct contact with his penis just his belly and thighs.

i watched as she switched toys again.. this time picking up a small single tail whip of some sort (i don't know all the correct names for all the many different toys) and i watched as she lazily swung it back and forth across his belly and moving down.. ever downward until this time she connected with his penis. How do i know??? 'd' never made a sound, but he did go up on his tippy toes and was thrusting out his pelvic region towards her. i was fascinated - and couldn't look away. Over and over again this single tail nasty looking thing criss crossed his penis and balls. She stopped for a minute and reached out grabbing the end of his penis and pulling it towards her, lifting it slightly. (none to gently either!!) Then resumed the criss cross patterning over his balls. 'd' was rolling his head from side to side and even at the distance i was from them, i could hear his soft moans.

After a time she dropped the whip thingy back on the table and picked up a bag.. believe me when i say 'd's penis was no longer hiding, but standing straight up at attention. She knelt down before his penis and again lifting it with one hand, she proceeded to apply clothes pegs to the skin of his balls and surrounding area. Once she was happy with the placement she went back to the table and picked up the whip one more time...... This time she took careful aim and proceeded to attempt to knock the pegs off of 'd'. WOW what a scene it was! And she was good, more than one peg clattered to the floor while 'd' moaned even louder.

Eventually the whole scene ended with 'd' being lovingly and tenderly stretched out on a towel on the floor where she proceeded to finish the business of knocking the pegs off while 'd' masturbated.

Now that to me was A scene to behold. (not the masturbating !!! the whole scene!!! actually modesty made me turn away while 'd' masturbated - giving him privacy from my prying eyes at least!) i wonder how many male masochistic submissives were jealous that evening of 'd's scene........ and to be honest i counted myself lucky that no one actually SEES my arousal when the whip or flogger criss crosses across my ass........ how embarassing would that be.......

anyway...... all of this just goes to show me that a strong submissive male or female with luck will find the Dominant of their dreams - one who can give them exactly what they need and want............. not just frilly underwear.

Words

Words........ that's all this really is.. this blog of mine.. words. Words that tumble around in my head and need to come out... that is why this blog was started in the first place.. all the words words words!!!

i wrote the angel blog yesterday because i was feeling a little world weary .. a little frayed and a little cracked and bruised. Just more words that spilled out of me ........... i almost deleted that entry... almost!! i thought to myself 'that one was not very clear... ambigous and wordy and confusing.. delete it!' but for some reason i didn't... and i am glad i didn't.. the whole day turned around.. completely around ..

On a hot humid muggy July night our munch drew 20 folks. Twenty!! i could hardly believe it!! And there were 4 brand new people who came with questions and discussions and laughter. We all sat around the tables in the restaurant for over 5 hours talking and laughing and sharing.. and i realized the work.. the planning WAS worth it!! People do read the notices and do come out... and as much as i was feeling a little world weary .. a little frayed.. a little cracked and bruised like my fallen angel....... i was restored by that little group of adventurers!!!

And when i came home.. and i read the comments.. it is hard to find the words that can describe my reactions... i was embarassed (a bit) for my lack of excitement over yet another munch.. when there are those who live with no support group... no munches to go to to share and laugh and discuss (smiling and acknowledging dear swan) ... Buffalo was right when He asked "if folk tend to make things harder than they really are".. yeah i do Buffalo... sometimes.. (ok ok maybe lots of times).......... But best of all.. my words about a fallen angel had prompted a submissive who has never commented.. whom i did not know .. to send me a private email... quietly sharing her 'story' and quietly but firmly showing me that words .. my words.. do reach out and touch.. and move... making people laugh and cry and feel............... wow.. isn't that all anyone who writes can wish for.. to touch people..to make people feel through words??!!!

i was .. to put it mildly.. humbled by the comments and the email............ i will never ever again forget the power of words... both my words and those that comment here and email me...

Thank you.


p.s... and for those of you looking for another entry to the Fictional Journey...... remember i only have to write a story a day when Sir is NOT with me ........ for those of you who have not yet grasped "our living arrangement" Sir is with me - generally - Friday to Monday........ but as He left last evening, i will be writing a little something today)

A TASK

i received an email from Sir this morning that said:
you will write a story a day until I tell you to stop....
you will not write on days I am with you....
you must write a different BDSM theme every time....
you must blog it......

So i have spent a part of my morning creating yet another blog entitled
The Fictional Journey.

You may access it via the link on the right hand side of this page .. under "New Features". Please be advised these will be little fantasies of mine.. total fiction.. and fairly graphic. If stories of this kind tend to ruffle your sensitivities - i suggest you bypass this new link.

If however you enjoy my little "creations" a word or two in the comment section would do wonders for my ego........ (hey i am allowed to have an ego.. albeit a submissive one !!!)

more thoughts on humiliation...

Almost two weeks ago i posted about a play party Sir and i had attended...... i honestly hadn't given much thought to how people would react to my posting...... and so i was caught off guard with a couple of comments about the humiliation i had felt .... folks not too sure if it was what i wanted.. they didn't know if they should be happy for me.. feel sad for me... i was amazed at those comments... and i will try and explain why..........

i think we all acknowledge - at least verbally - that a submissive is on the receiving end ...... we all rattle off the "safe sane and consensual " bit like some creed learned from birth....... and i think that a lot of people honestly truly believe the submissive is the one in control. Therefore nothing is going to happen that she doesn't ultimately agree with..... that she doesn't ultimately want.......... and yes in some relationships that is exactly the way it goes........ the submissive controls what is done to her and what is NOT done to her...... afterall she has a safe word that she can pull out and use any time right??

BUT my relationship with Sir is not like that........ over 5 years ago Sir sent me a check list .. a mighty check list... a 12 page check list.. i was given a week to answer it and return it to Him.... i was warned to answer the questions very carefully....... and i did......... and there were only one or two definite major HARD LIMITS.. don't even think of going there limits...... mostly to do with children and animals.. the things most civilized people would list as hard limits.. the rest were "YES i want to do that"... "YES i love to do that" ... "MAYBE i want to try that" ... and finally "the i don't know if i want to try that"... (or soft limits) There was one that still makes me laugh.. there was a "chauffeuring" category........ i looked everywhere for a definition.. after all this was a BDSM list and it must have some definition that escapes me.. finally i had to ask Sir what "chauffeuring" was..... and He burst out laughing and said "chauffeuring - as in driving!!" wow.. how boring was that??!!!!

Anyway.. back to the thoughts rambling round in my head..........
once Sir and i had agreed on the list.......talked it to death actually.......... Sir told me i no longer had a safe word...... pointe finale !! OH there were safety measures worked in for public play - like my bright pink squeezy heart that i was to hold in my hand when we were at club with loud music .. and should a problem arise i was to throw / drop the heart to make sure that Sir knew i was in distress.. but basically there were no safe words.. no stopping what we had begun........

Now to the play party and the humiliation i experienced..... the humiliation i felt was all self induced.. Sir had no idea what it was that i was seeing in my mind's eye... none whatsoever... But IF He had decided to do some ass play .. while i was on the easel.. exposed to the world.. that would have been His choice.. it was afterall an edge play night.. anything goes play night.. a leave the safe sane and consensual at the door play night....... and i had agreed a long time ago to no safe words.. no stopping a session...

Will humiliation do permanent damage to a submissive?? yes of course it can.. if it is not done properly.. if the Dominant treads just a little too heavy on the psyche of the submissive...... BUT would ass play do permanent damage to THIS subbie??? i can answer that with a definite NO... not permanent.. oh i would be mortified .. i WAS mortified and He hadn't done anything ... would Sir be able to fix the pain and humiliation?? you betcha!! That is why .. almost 5 years ago.. i signed up for this wonderful Journey with the man i call Sir.. because i trust Him.. with my whole being.. including my psyche...... i know all of me is in good hands........

So finally to answer the question as to whether my readers should have felt happy or sad .. or even concerned for me.... rustie marie said it best when she said " I can't quite discern from your post whether you enjoyed yourself... but then again maybe that wasn't the point of it all"
and it wasn't......... the session just was what it was....... another learning experience for me........

"The Great Adventure"

Today was a special day........ i had a "date" with my 5 year old grandson to go on a GREAT ADVENTURE.... no pressure granny!!!

It got me to thinking about what i used to do when i was a kid.. that was a great adventure.. and i remembered going to Beaver Lake (i am guessing at one time there were Beavers there ... but who knows??) There were ducks then and i remember feeding the ducks bread crumbs leftover from my picnic lunch... i remember the "mountain" that i used to climb - the one the kids used to say was a volcano ....... i remember my heart pounding as i climbed over rocks and tree roots lost in the greenery.. imagining indians hiding behind the trees waiting for little girls they could capture and tie up.... (perk perk !! tie up?? yes even then i dreamed of being tied to a tree)

So i was up early this morning.. packing a picnic lunch with memories and daydreams of days gone by.... preparing for our "great adventure" !!! Mid morning we were off.. giddy with the excitement of an adventure...........

C's feet barely touched the ground as we walked the pathway to our picnic spot by the playground.. my eyes were scanning the area.... disappointment causing my heart to sink... there were no ducks in the "lake" anymore.. they had been replaced by paddle boats - $8.00 for 30 minutes minimum 2 per boat........ the volcano looked pathetically small and ordinary.. the cabane where i had planned to buy ice cream cones was closed.... where was our "great adventure"???

i had only to take a breath and watch my 5 year old scampering along the pathway.. yelling back over his shoulder "follow me granny" ..... lunch was gulped down ... with great pleas to be allowed to run and play in the playground.. to have an adventure.....

Soon we were looking for dark pathways .. with rocks to climb and trees to hide behind.. "this way granny" "look and see what I found granny" "ohhhhhhhh come this way granny - look another hill to climb"........ oh to have the energy of a 5 year old again !!! They should bottle it and sell it ....... especially to tired ole grannies..........

We even found a guy on a bicycle selling ice cream out of the "box"... what an adventure !!!! and driving home in the car....... the day was declared a " GREAT ADVENTURE" and then my energised 5 year old promptly fell asleep.

(and for those of you looking for something a little more kinky than our "great adventure" i have posted to the photojournal)

The touch of His hand...

A lot of things went on this weekend between Sir and i .. but not one of them had the impact of what happened yesterday!! And it was really quite simple actually.........

When i walked Sir out to His car to say goodbye for yet another week..... He told me to go and check my email. When i came back upstairs to the office.. sitting on my desk were my ankle cuffs (already chained together)... i kept one eye on them while i opened up my email program... There was an email from Sir telling me that every hour on the hour i was to put two bulldog clamps on each pussy lip for 20 minutes. i was to put on my ankle cuffs and wear them till He took them off. That was it.. simple.

i checked the clock .. it was almost 10 so i quickly put the ankle cuffs on and grabbed the bulldog clamps and went downstairs where i proceeded to put two clamps on each pussy lip........at 10:20 i removed them. i almost cried when they came off... i rubbed and massaged my pussy .. then i went and made myself a cup of coffee.. picked up my watch, my book, and the bulldogs and went outside to my secret garden to read. At 11:00 i put the clamps back on........ i couldn't read or drink coffee.. i could only sit and breathe through the pain... and rub and massage when they came off. At 12:00 and again at 1:00 i put them on and took them off.. each time the pain became worse ... and the recuperation time became longer.. at 2:00 and again at 3:00, on they went.. with less and less enthusiasm..... by 4:00 i was dreading the thought of putting them on.. absolutely dreading it.. i couldn't concentrate on my book... my eyes kept straying to the clock "how much longer till i HAVE to do it" was the question on my mind... i steeled myself.. at 4:00 i put them on.. and nearly cried out loud..... i could feel the indentations running down the length of my lips..they were swollen and throbbing.... At 5:00 again i clamped them on.. my mind rebelling.. but my hands doing it automatically.. the pain was a searing hot / cold pain...... at 5:25 i got a message from Sir to stop my pussy training.. i collapsed in relief.. i didn't know if i could have put those clamps back on at 6:00

it was what i needed and wanted....... to feel under Sir's control even when He is miles away from me.. it is so difficult to explain this need .. to Sir .. to you the readers.. hells bells even to myself... but having a task like this made me feel cared for.. made me feel valued.. made me feel HIS. and in the long run that is all i ever wanted.. to feel His hand even when He is miles away........

Moody.....

A while back i received an email from a submissive asking me if i was prone to mood swings..... it took me back a bit....... i realized that my blog entries do go up and down in mood/reflection.. because of that email .. i have tried very hard to only write positive up mood entries........ but ya know what!? PFFFFFFFT on that! i am a moody person.. maybe it is the joy of menopause.. maybe it is just who i am... maybe it is because life is never perfect and sometimes it just sucks big time!! Whatever the reason.. i am blue today... the usual cleaning chores bring me no joy.. in fact i even put the TV on.. which is mind blowing.. i HATE TV!!!

i was trying to figure out what my problem was.. no that's not true .. i know what it is.. i was trying to figure out to handle it..... Because of some issues i have had with the heat .. both on Monday laying the damn tiles.. and Tuesday at a funeral.... yesterday i went and cut off all my hair... and i do mean all off... am i happy with the cut??? shrug.. i am not entirely sure.. but i do know when the humidity makes my hair stick to my head now .. i don't look quite so much like a drowned rat.. and i guess that is a good thing........

i realize i am a high maintenance sub.. and all the great articles out there about high maintenance subs isn't gonna change one thing in my life......i realize life just puts high demands on Sir.. and i must learn to find my place in His life.. i have been struggling with my feelings of need and want...... all morning long i have this image in my head of a wilting flower... desperately needing some water and sunlight.... it kinda feels like that inside of me.. deep inside.. and there is nothing anyone can do....

i decided being invisible is what is needed right now... and so if i don't post to my blog for a couple of days... that is the reason.. i am gonna just keep on keeping on.. and eventually some semblance of normalcy will return .. right?

(yesterday i posted to the photojournal....... i do LOVE everything oriental!)

'specially for anna'

#1 - The book nearest me ...page 18 line 4...
"Emma's Secret Diaries" - so I hatched this little plot to get Mark to come over here.

#2 - Stretch out left arm.....what do you touch?
Nothing

#3 - Last thing watched on television...?
CSI repeats

#4 - Without looking what time is it?
8:40 a.m.

#5 - What actual time is it?
8:45 a.m.

#6 - With the exception of the computer what can you hear?
a lawnmower and the fan in the room with me

#7 - When did you last step outside?
yesterday evening around 7:00 p.m.

#8 - Before this survey what did you look at?
my emails

#9 - What are you wearing?
just a T-shirt

#10 - Did you dream last night?
i seldom if ever remember my dreams

#11 - When did you last laugh?
Sunday night with Sir and julie

#12 - What is on the walls in the room?
oh good lord...... picture gallery of gay folk... family rogues gallery... calendars.. memos to myself.. a mirror (for feng shui purposes)

#13 - Seen anything weird lately?
i think one would have to define weird.. but no i don't think i have...but so much of life is weird

#14 - What do you think of this quiz?
it is fun.. and not quite so silly as some of them..

#15 - What is the last film you saw?
Sir is gonna kill me.. i honestly don't remember - i don't watch films or tv that often......wait yes i remember and Sir IS gonna kill me.. it was Memoirs of a Geisha.

#17 - Tell me something we don't know
i took dance classes for years and years.. first ballet .. then modern dance.

#18 - If you could change one thing about the world, what would you do?
that all death would be a smooth transition from this life to the next (whatever)
no pain.. and that the family left behind would be accepting of this death...and at peace.

#19 - Do you like to dance?
yup.. love it.

#20 - George Bush?
this is probably the most difficult question for me.. i am very non-political (quite likely my worst fault) i know what others think and say about him .. but personally i think he is just another president.. doing what so many others in power have done...

#21 - Imagine your first child is a girl
she was a girl.. and she had curly dark red hair.. and a temper.. and she scared me half to death.

#22 - Imagine your first child is a boy
well if i had had a boy - first or last.. it would have made me a better wife/daughter in some eyes........ if it had been a boy.. i wouldn't have had much say in how he was brought up - for sure !!!

#23 - Would you consider living abroad?
i did once........ not now.. my life is here.. and i have no desire to uproot myself anymore..

#24 - What would God say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
i would hope He would say "you did good!"

#25 - 3 people who will do this quiz
i am never sure who has done a quiz.. or who enjoys doing quizes.. so i will leave it open ended.. anyone want to do it.. help yourself !!! This was done for anna :)

The Dance

At Friday night's party i witnessed a scene i have never experienced before... to me it was a bit like watching an intimate sensual dance......

While i was on the easel there was a couch just to my right..... there was a couple sitting on it... intimately entwined in each other's arms........ they seemed to be oblivious to anything or anyone around them...... it took quite awhile for me to realize what was actually going on between them...... and i fear my words will not do their scene justice........

His hand was caressing her face... softly tenderly... it lingered over her mouth and nose..... her right arm came straight up and grasped a bar over her head.... her fingers wrapped around it tightly... his other hand was softly caressing her breasts .. running down her belly .. playing over her clit...... and slowly coming back up to play with her nipples.... all the while her arm was straight up clutching the bar...... and his hand was tightly covering her mouth and nose... His mouth was close to her ear.. either kissing her or nibbling .. or whispering .. i have no idea......

In almost slow motion....... his hands moved around her body .. releasing her mouth and nose.. his mouth coming to down to cover her mouth with kisses.. his hands continuing to play with her breasts and her clit.......

Then again his hand came up .. this time encircling her neck..... i could see the fingers whitening as his grasp tightened......... still his other hand continued to caress her body.. his mouth was once more close to her ear.. nibbling or kissing or whispering.. her arm was still clutching the bar over head....

i have no sense of time during this ....... i watched as his grip tightened even more around her neck.. and his other hand continued to caress and delight ......... and i watched as her body started to tighten... to arch.. her legs opening wide.. her pelvis thrusting up and down and up and down.. the muscles in her arm on the bar tightened even more... his mouth was covering her mouth... her body was convulsing in orgasmic bliss...........

and then she was wrapped up tight in his arms held and rocked while his mouth was close to her ear again.. murmuring.. and she was obviously floating on some heavenly cloud........ the world swirling around her feet .............

more lessons learned...

It was a challenge the friday night play party.. the "anything goes" party .. "the play till you drop" party... the leave "safe sane and consensual" at the door play party........ for some reason from the minute i entered the darkly light club and stood around while Sir greeted many of our friends and acquaintances i was somewhere between numb and scared sh*tless. Sir had me naked under a skimpy little black lace dress.... in my cuffs and collar..... my ankle cuffs were chained together so that i would be forced to concentrate on my walking.. small dainty steps..... i find that so frustrating.. so limiting...


i saw S sitting on a sofa with some other friends and i decided to go and say hello....... in my exuberance, i managed to get tangled in the chains and very nearly landed up sitting on her lap.......... my face was red.... and oh lordie was that an omen for what the rest of the evening held for me.....

i watched as subbies were stripped naked and led to the different play stations... i watched as the play began with soft moans of pain.. and louder cries of distress... Sir leaned down and whispered in my ear.. "to the easel littleone and prepare it".......... i picked up the toy bag and went to the "easel" station and laid out neatly the toys i had brought.. taking my time.. imagining the sting and bite of each toy as i laid it out for Sir.. i stood first on one foot then the other waiting for Sir to come to me.. i HATE each beginning in a club.. Sir leaving me standing..amongst the naked subbies and playing Doms... feeling center stage .. lights and eyes upon me.. Finally He was by my side and told me to strip.. His voice was soft and gentle and i began to feel comfortable... but struggled trying to get the sleeves of my dress over the bulky cuffs.. heart pounding looking to Sir for some moral support?? for help?? He only asked what was taking me so long... then the struggle to step onto the ledge of this "easel" with ankles firmly chained... mincing my way up... then feeling my wrists being clipped to the upper most part of the hanging chains.. feeling the pull in my lower legs ...

Then feeling Sir's hands as they moved up and down my back caressing me.. and sensing my mood.. my tenseness.. then His pushing my legs farther apart.. then His hand reaching between my legs.. clipping my slave bell to my clit jewelry .. hearing Him say softly "I will make those bells ring tonite!" and then without another pause feeling the suede flogger swing up between my legs .. catch the bell.. tug it out and pull it back and release it to swing in the space between my legs.. softly tinkling...

A few more swings of the flogger till the bell was swinging on its own .. ringing out to those near by... making some turn and look for the source of the sound.. drawing attention to my "private parts" so blatantly laid open for all to see... and i hung my head...

To get my attention .. Sir slipped His hand between the cheeks of my ass and pinched the tender skin hard.. making me jump and gasp and lift my head .. turn and look at Him.. He had that evil Dom look on His face.. the evil smile that makes my heart pound .. and know there is little or no reprieve for this subbie...... again and again His hand sought out the tenderest spots and pinched.. if i had been able i would have closed my legs.. tightening the muscles... but i couldn't.. i could only stand and endure the pinching......... and then .. THEN!! in my mind's eye i imagined what the others were seeing.. those that were sitting watching......... and my stomach clenched tight... they would not see the pinching fingers.. they would simply see Sir's fingers playing in the hidden ass ...... and their imaginations would develop their own quite different scenario of what was happening....... and i couldn't stand that thought !!!

i turned to Sir and pleaded with Him to stop..... "why" He asked.. and if i had answered "because the pain is too much Sir" He would have eased up.... but the embarassing truth came out.. "because Sir" i said" it is just too embarassing!" and the evil glint became a shining thing..... and His hand went back into the crack of my ass and pinched and worked even harder at bringing me to my knees (figuratively speaking)....... and i squirmed and bit my lip .. and pleaded again with Sir... oh my god the humiliation of it!! People would think.. my god they would think!! that Sir was playing in my ass........... i was absolutely totally completely mortified.

Oh Sir did use the snake whip .. and the flogger .. and the whippy.. and the cane.. and the leather tawse.. and He made sure the bell rang regularily.. tugging on my clit .. making it swing back and forth....... and yes He left welts and droplets of blood in perfect lines across my ass .. from just below the small of my back down my thighs..... BUT what made the biggest impression.. what brought me closest to tears was not the pain of the session.. but the humiliation of what people saw and thought......... and oh what lesson for me !!!

there was more .. so much more i saw and experienced .. but i will leave that for another day .. another entry.............

an inside joke..