Friday, March 30, 2018
FFF and thoughts on size
I have never been a 'small' woman ...... and never much thought about it. BUT then a couple of serious health issues brought my weight to the foreground. I had a doctor actually tell me that if I had less belly fat I wouldn't have as many cancer scares. So I made up my mind to lose the extra weight -- then I made up my mind to weigh what I weighed pre-babys then I made up my mind to get down to my lowest EVER body weight (which was when I was in high school)
I bought a Fitbit -- and downloaded a food app that tracked my calories and synced with Fitbit and told me how many calories I had left to eat at the end of the day -- joy oh joy !
The calories LEFT at the end of the day became my goal -- to have more and more of them leftover....... cause ya know that would mean I would lose weight faster. I would go to the gym and burn off as many calories as possible -- I would walk for hours in the afternoon burning off more calories...... and I would see the calories LEFT start to creep up from 200 calories left to 600 calories...... I was averaging between 700 and 900 calories of food intake a day. It got serious. Doctor serious.
Then life changed again -- and the cancer is in remission (fingers crossed) and I found Sir Steve and fell in love ......... and obsessing over calories didn't seem as necessary. BUT over the year I have been with Sir Steve -- the weight slowly crept back up. I had lost 70+ pounds and in one year with Sir Steve my weight had crept up just over 10 pounds.
I fought the panic... I fought the panic of 'Sir Steve won't love me if I get really fat again' I didn't want to admit I had packed on those 10 pounds....... my clothes still fit so I could sorta ignore it. BUT then Fondles started her FFF group ..... and I watched how bloggers were working on getting healthy -- and posting their results on Friday. Not being much of one for publicly humiliating myself with my weight I stayed silent.
BUT then I decided I really didn't want to go back to 'fat' clothes -- I really do like being able to walk into any store and buying clothes I like. I have a summer at the campgrounds coming up and I want to wear my shorts and lil tops and feel good in them. I have my eldest daughter's wedding coming in August and I want to look 100% better than I did at her first wedding.
So I have gone back to my Fitbit and food app -- and working really hard to focus on the food intake rather than the calories left over.... keeping the intake between 1000 and 1200 (max!!) ............ oh yeah and one more step I have taken -- I have moved the scales here to Sir Steve's ..... one of the best ways I have to keep myself honest.... weight myself 2 or 3 times a week - sometimes every day (cause I obsess like that)
And this week I am actually down one more pound!! Ideally I would like to be down 10 pounds by June -- but realistically I will settle for 10 pounds by daughter's wedding in August.
Here's to the FFF group and finding my inspiration again..............
This weekend really was the worst of times....... Saturday Sir Steve and I had plans - shopping then lunch out and a movie..........
I've been celebrating my submissiveness for over 25 years. For most of those years the image I had in my head looked pretty much ...