Tuesday, August 02, 2016
Yesterday I was feeling some strong conflicting emotions in the morning -- I was happily rubbing my bruises -- and smiling over our private time -- but feeling a little "droppy" and my sometimes feeling of being inadequate.
Then I got a message that a friend had been taken into hospital........... and it sounded pretty serious. There was not one flickering thought about not going -- not one. She needed me so where else would I be??
When I messaged 'Hands' to tell him where I was going and what had happened -- he told me they would come if I needed them...... said it twice to make sure it got through the fog that is my brain on emotions. It made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy -- but I could handle this -- I just pulled on my "big girl panties" and 'adulted' through the day.
Fortunately -- as much as it still sounds pretty serious -- the surgeon decided to treat her as an out patient and at the end of a long day I was able to take her home.
But when I got home in the evening -- to the quiet and calm of my lil home -- the tears came. When I have to I can "adult" really well -- take charge -- make sure things are handled......... but damn after ??? I always just kind of crash -- and feel alone and scared. Believe it or not -- despite the heat -- I wrapped myself up in a soft snuggly blanket and curled up on the sofa -- Miss Ashes seemed to sense my emotions and she curled up beside me and put a lil paw on my breast -- rubbed her head against me purred and purred. Not quite as good as being held tight in a hug -- but it damn sure pulled a close second.
And now it is Tuesday -- and time to drag myself back to reality -- no more time allowed to feel .......... time to go to the gym -- get the laundry done -- pick up some groceries and get on with my life -- such as it is.
That is what adults do -- right?