Friday, February 26, 2016

The Blackness

 (please understand - this is MY take on Sado/masochism!  It is something I try to hide from myself but mostly others.  AND - it is only a small part of me. )

Just recently I have been trying to help people understand the black side of me - the masochist side of me........ 

It is the exact opposite - EXACT OPPOSITE - of what I have with Daddy Dom.  When Daddy Dom comes to visit - there is excitement and joy and light and sparkles and rainbows (ok ok I am being silly)

When I played with a Sadist before - a long time ago - I discovered that I had to work to get into the blackness - into that side of me.  He would write words to me - of what he was going to do.  He would whisper in my ear - when we walked into the play area - all the things he was going to take from me.  

Part of the appeal - for the masochist that is in me in playing with a Sadist - is the fear ........... the tightening of the stomach ........ the fear creeping in - spreading out and filling my body and brain with the blackness.  That part comes first - before the Sadist even arrives - anticipation, fear, nerves - they fill the mind and engulf me totally and completely.

The Sadist thrives - maybe even feeds on - the nerves, the fear, the quivering body bent before them.  They aren't there to please me.  They are there to take every ounce of submission from meI submit to the pain to please ......... I even ask for more when I don't think I can take even one more..... to please.  

And when there is nothing left inside of me - and I can't take even one more to please - then - then my legs give out and I slip to the floor a quivering crying puddle of pain. 

And if the Sadist is pleased - then the masochist dances with the fairies and all is well and good and pleasing.

BUT to get there - to that point - there is the mind first - preparing - going to that place that will welcome the Sadist.  Searching out that blackness way in the back - locked behind the light...... pulling it out -  embracing it - and getting there...... sometimes just minutes before the Sadist arrives.  

Because the Sadist wants to see the quivering body that is theirs to hurt.


AngelsQuest said...

Reading this I had a thought that the interesting thing in this post is the reference to the Daddy Dom. It shows that you are more than "just" a masochist.

a rambling from mini me

morningstar said...

Angel - much much more than a masochist !! But it is definitely a part of me

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