Tuesday, November 03, 2009

feeling safe

i had one of those light bulb moments driving home from Sir's house on Sunday evening. Now i am not going to claim this light bulb moment will make any sort of impact on you........ but it was an eye opener for me.... and i wonder if it isn't a contributor to "sub drop"

Let me explain........

i am wondering if there aren't levels of giving over one's submission... (or as the popular party line goes - giving the One your gift) ... on Saturday Sir and i were for a good part of the day in the vanilla world.... when we got to the Border crossing i gave Him my passport... He handled the questions. When we were shopping i deferred to His choices .. in stores.. in clothing etc....

But then at the party.. when Sir took me to the frame and cuffed my wrists and my collar to the frame.... when i was totally helpless .... there was another sort of giving over... another sort of trust....

When Mistress P started to play with me - hard i might add - there was a deepening of the trust i had in Sir to keep me safe... there was a childlike quality to the trust i placed in Sir... when He unhooked me and took me down from the frame.. when i knew my sugars were low and i was shivery and weak... i turned to Sir and asked for help.. and the help was there .. instantaneously. i knew it would be.. i knew in the depths of my being that i was safe.. i would be taken care of.... it was a very safe place to be...... the deepest of deep giving over if you ask me.... a place that felt good, felt safe.. and i wanted to stay there.

Sunday morning after a night's good sleep - some 8 hours after that initial deepness ...... i was still in that warm fuzzy feel safe place. We loaded the car... we drove home.. i snuggled down and just let the world fly past. i didn't have to worry about it ... deal with it.., Sir was there.,

Then........

we arrived home to Sir's place.. and i loaded up my car to head home.. and i was forcing myself to "grow up" (that's the way it felt - like i was growing up .. becoming a responsible adult again)

i was nervous driving home.. it was getting dark and for the most part i HATE the dark .... and there were cars buzzing past me.. and i felt alone .. and lonely.. and very very little.

By Monday most of those feelings were gone... i was all grown up.. and in charge of my world again......... but there was a lingering for that safe feeling that Sir gave me on the weekend...........

Does sub drop come from that flip flop ... from being the helpless cared for being... into a competent adult being ??? If the transition is quick is that when sub drop hits hard... when we curl up and feel lost and weak and needy???

i'm gonna have to do more thinking on the subject....... but i do wonder if that isn't it.............


5 comments:

selkie said...

I think that makes a LOT of sense. I mean there is a HUGE gap between time with your Sir and then suddenly, the shock of facing new realities. It makes sense to me that you would feel a HUGE sub-drop.

While I also agree that a gentler return to different realities would probably help, I know that is not always possible.

good observation, truly i think it makes lot of sense.

viemoira said...

i think you're definitely onto something. Although i believe other things factor into sub drop like change in surroundings, atmosphere, excitment levels, etc. i also wanted to comment that i definitely believe there are many levels to giving control. i thought numerous times i've had no more to give only to run into new situations where Sir took charge and i relinquished.

swan said...

This is an interesting perspective. I've always thought of this as emotional whiplash, but the notion that there is some sort of major transition into "grown up" mode gives a different look to the whole business. I tend to resist the idea that submitting equals becoming childlike. But there is surely the fact that falling into a state of increasingly intense submission requires a level of powerlessness that is analogous to childhood. I just don't know.

swan

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