Weddings make me emotional........ weddings for my daughters make me doubly emotional ..... and cause me to not think too logically
It didn't help that I overheard the tail end of a comment made by Sir Steve at the wedding about missing having a wedding ring on his finger -- and all I could think (being my insecure emotional self) he wants his wedding ring from his ex ???!!
That insecurity grew and doubled in size -- hell it tripled in size.......
'maybe he doesn't want to marry me
maybe he doesn't want 'forever' with me
maybe he doesn't want to declare his love for me publicly'
(remember I said my insecurities were playing havoc with my logic brain)
I kept thinking IF we were married then ............ (I'm not even sure what the then would be)...... I kept thinking that being married doesn't mean it'll last forever -- hell our track record (Sir Steve's and mine) is living proof of that. I kept thinking 'BUT I want to marry him -- how weird is that??!! having proclaimed I would never marry again!!
Being married wouldn't change anything -- not one little thing........... our relationship wouldn't be magically better ... our relationship wouldn't be any stronger .... or weaker... people wouldn't see us any differently.........
The wedding band wouldn't change anything ....... A N Y T H I N G!.... except maybe complicate things if it ever ended..... shrug
BUT
I would be the 'wife' and he would be the 'husband' and strangers would understand...... "girlfriend boyfriend" are teenager terms ... not for mature adults
(whispering)
and maybe I just want to hear him ask me to be his -- to marry him ....... ya know?
I really didnt think getting married would change anything for my wife and I. But it did, it did make us stronger and it did cemement the fact that we are in it for the long hual. It is 'easy' to leave but noy as 'easy' to walk away from a marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf you both crave that maybe it will happen sooner then you imahine.
Gawds. I know. I totally get it. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteAww, weddings are akin to babies making us clucky. It's amazing how we can read more into words than was intended.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
For me, the older I get, the less weight I give to "marriage" as such. As you succinctly point out, ultimately, a 'legal' name means nothing. If I were going to do it again, I wouldn't bother with a wedding. None of my kids are married, but all are in long-term committed relationships. I'm fine with that. And we don't use the term 'boyfriend', 'girlfriend' - not for years - they range between 25-31 so it is silly. I have always used "partner" - although D and I are married, I also have not referred for decades to him as my "husband"- but rather, again, my "partner". I will say it is a GOOD thing your daughter got married, primarily because common law in Quebec does NOT mean what it does in the rest of Canada (due to different legal framework)- and she would have FAR less rights as a common law wife than she now does as a "legal" wife. So in that sense, if you're in Quebec, then yes, marriage has a point. Otherwise, as I said, I have less and less interest in it the older I get!
ReplyDeletejust wanted to add, I have always kept my own name and after the first 6 months, stopped wearing a wedding ring - so no outward trappings - it has never bothered me -I don't really give a damn if others are aware I'm married or not -albeit I find since I've lived in Ontario (a very long time now)- there is more subtle disapproval -I never had issues in Quebec or New Brunswick.
ReplyDeletemorningstar, the fact that he said he misses having a wedding ring makes me believe he wants to marry YOU. Be patient and wait for him to find the right time. Or (if you are brave enough) bring up the subject yourself.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Hermione (about to celebrate our 35th year of living together without benefit of marriage)
I was thinking the same as Hermione.
ReplyDelete