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I'm backkkkkk did you miss me??

Well that was an interesting/scary day yesterday!

I had to be at the hospital by 12 noon - really??!!!  lunch time??? So W got me checked in then I told him to leave and get some lunch.  

Then I sat and sat and sat - all alone and developing more and more anxiety.  It was truly awful.  I kept giving myself this pep talk that lots of people have surgery by themselves without someone holding their hand...... didn't work.

Finally they came and got me and took me down to the operating room.  (the longest walk in history - I swear!!)  got me all set up on the operating table - IV in  - etc and then they all started looking for my surgeon.  (I swore she had taken a lunch break) .... then they decided my oxygen levels were low and slapped on oxygen and kept telling me to take deep breaths....... I have never had to have oxygen before and I was scared - what was happening???

Finally the surgeon came running into the OR slapping her mask on and said "let's get this done".... I was ordered to take more deep breaths of the oxygen - my anxiety levels were just about through the roof when PUFF - I was gone....... 

I woke up in recovery in a panic.  I didn't know where I was - why I was there and who all these people were.  I could hear someone telling me not to sit up... but I sat up anyway.... I had the worst "fight or flight" response.. where ever I was - I was leaving. 

Finally a female nurse showed up at my bedside and said "you don't remember anything do you?? (smart nurse) .. She patted my arm and said "it's ok it's ok - it happens sometimes that the patient gets amnesia "    She explained about the surgery and asked if I remembered what for....... I shook my head.. and started crying... I was so scared ..,.. amnesia is awful....... a big patch of your life gone........... I was struggling so hard to remember... 

Then I remembered W checking me in......... and then i panicked cause maybe he wasn't here anymore .. wasn't here yet??? The nursing staff kept asking me questions.... and finally I started to remember ..... and the heart rate and blood pressure came down.  They came at me with more oxygen........ I backed up into the bed.. I HATE oxygen - hate how it smells - hate how it feels.  They said you need to have it for a bit.. i said I need to blow my nose - all that crying had stuffed me up... 

I got to blow my nose - BUT - I also got to wear the oxygen.

Finally they brought me some water and arrowroot cookies.  I gobbled them down and drank the water....... then felt like I was gonna puke them all back.  I NEVER puke after surgery!!  I kept taking deep breaths to keep the nausea at bay - cause I knew if I started puking they weren't gonna let me go home.

I started pestering them "when can I leave? Is Warren here ?? does he have my clothes?? when can I leave"... Finally they wheeled me out of the recovery room to where my nurse and Warren were..... I got dressed and somehow managed to get home.  I could barely walk.. wanted to puke ... and felt like death warmed over.

I insisted on pizza (smart choice considering my sick stomach) and finally gave in to the heavy eye lids and fell asleep in my chair in the family room around 7:30.... woke up at 10 said I was going to bed.... and slept till 4:30 this morning.

oh yeah yesterday W said he was sure I had a cold which explained the low oxygen and stuffy nose.. I then remembered I had had a small sore throat on Sunday but it hadn't amounted to much so never mentioned it... Today I have such a stuffy nose!!  and cough... so yeah I guess maybe I did have a cold yesterday - or the beginnings of one...

Today I feel sore - more than sore actually- I feel like I have been raped (forgive my bluntness) ...... I feel worse than last year when they removed the cancer from my bladder!!!  (yeah it was exactly one year ago yesterday - aren't I the consistent one?!)

But it is over.  Now I get to wait for 3 weeks for all the results to come back .. and hopefully they will have an explanation as to why after 15+ years of being post menopausal - I am having periods again.   But for today I will nap and nibble and nap some more....... till my strength is back ...... and I feel like my old bratty self again.