You know it was once said - about me - that I am soft and sweet - BUT - push me too far and then you will see a side of me you never want to see!
I know I have this spiteful side - I work very very hard to keep it in check - not to let it explode out of me cause dear god - I HATE that side of me...........
BUT........
I have spent the last few months feeling sick to my stomach - feeling as though everything was my fault - trying so damn hard to smooth ruffled feathers and hurt feelings - blaming myself.
BUT ........
I have had it
Honestly had it - done!
I was told I was released on Fetlife - by a click of a button
I was told he was sorry on my blog - on Fetlife - on Facebook
Everything that was private and important I have been told on the net! Not one word to my face.
Today I read the "straw that broke the camel's back"
On Fetlife he wrote this:
Sir I am presently knot an active Sir, so I shouldn't be called that.. That title is reserved to the one who earns it....
I know that was directed at me. Despite my best efforts NOT to call him Sir I still slip from time to time... hell that is all I have called him for 15 years... I am supposed to stop immediately and call him W. which I don't think I ever called him - even in the very beginning.
I have avoided calling him anything - as much as possible - but I will admit every once in a while a Sir will slip out...
Now I have been informed in front of the world (so to speak) that I have not earned the right to call him that........ EARNED THE RIGHT??!! ME??!!!
I think he has it all backwards now.. seems to me HE has to earn that right - to have anyone call him SIR he has to act like one
There are a whole lot of names I could call him....... but I have refrained.... and in case you are getting all excited cause maybe - just maybe - there will be a flame war started here - forget it ! I don't DO name calling. I am just saying .......... there are a whole lot of names I COULD call him...
So ..here's the warning.... I have gone from being this beaten up /broken lil subbie (and yeah you can call me subbie - submissive - slave - whatever the hell you want to cause I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that I AM SUBMISSIVE !) to a stand tall and proud speak her mind and damn the consequences submissive.
I will repeat the picture from above just to make sure we are all on the same page.......
Actually I kind of took the status to mean that he was saying he hadn't earned the title. I figured there would be a fetlife name change coming.
ReplyDeleteBut good. Get angry. It's about time.
I'm with Kaya.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, I have really admired the way you tried to cope, tried to compromise, tried to make it work, despite the fact that he seems to have been acting very selfishly for a long while.
I have "knot" been impressed by his comments to you online, because all it's looked like has been trying to save face.
Hugs. You're classier than i am lady. Being currently in the middle of something that is similarly unpleasant i pray i can show as much grace and kindness as you have. Currently i just want to dig a giant hole in the backyard. Love you lady, be gentle with yourself and don't whatever you do stop being you.
ReplyDeleteDaddysvera
I've been a lurker at your blog for a while already. I can imagine how you're feeling now. But I know that everything will be fine with you. Nothing is permanent in life.
ReplyDeleteI just want to let you know that you're a very beautiful and strong person.