Conundrum

co·nun·drum/kəˈnəndrəm/Noun

 1. A confusing and difficult problem or question.

Saturday evening - play party.
 
I have been trying for a couple of days to put down in words what I felt at the play party - what happened at the play party - what stupid mind games I played  on myself - without much success.  So I am hoping you will all forgive me if this is not up to standards... this IS just a mess of thoughts I need to get out there.. and see if I can sort them out...

The evening started with W having trouble getting me into my corset. We had been shopping in the afternoon at my (now) favourite Oriental Boutique and I was able to purchase 3 Asian outfits.  One was a lovely silk jacket (sorry no pictures as of yet) that I planned to wear over my oriental corset and black skirt.  After a couple of false starts we decided to leave the corset as is and head over to the club - hoping there would be someone there more experienced in tying a "mid line tie" (i think that is what they called it) 

After walking 3 blocks in the heat  in high heels with the silk jacket on and the corset picking and stabbing me in all the wrong places - I was sweating profusely - which always makes me very uncomfortable.  Fortunately - when we arrived at the club -  I was able to find someone - immediately - god bless her - who actually makes corsets to show W how to lace up this type of corset.  Once tightly laced in and the jacket off.. I felt much better - more comfortable.... and was able to settle my mind down and meet and greet folks - some we hadn't seen for a very long time.

There were 3 birthdays to celebrate - and one of the Dominant's submissive decided to give him a strip tease dance for his birthday - and we were all encouraged to gather round and watch.  It made me uncomfortable.  I don't do "peeping Tom" well - hell I don't even do voyeurism well.  (never mind the fact the submissive was very nervous - and I seemed to tune into her discomfort and it added to MY discomfort)


Then almost immediately afterwards - W suggested we use the bondage table for a session.  Now I know why the table and not another piece of equipment.  I had brought the two knives I had purchased on Friday (see yesterday's blog entry) and W wanted to use them.  AND........ when I am being "knifed" I really do need my body fully supported - as my knees go weak and my legs get very wobbly at the first touch of the cold steel.

The problem with having me lie down flat is that I can't wiggle as much as I do when I am standing against - say a cross - and it seems that my wiggling has a whole lot to do with how fast / how well I process the pain.  

Anyway - as I went to slide onto the bondage table - I realized that for the first time in years and years - I had not brought a towel - or something - to cover the table.  Now this is a quirk of mine.  I never trusted that the person using the table before me had cleaned it properly - I always wanted something extra - and too - if I am going to be perfectly honest - this table covering helped sop up my overflowing juices and saved on embarrassment after the fact.  In my mind I shrugged my shoulders and figured I would make sure the table was well cleaned when we done.  


However as I lay stretched out on the table waiting for W to organize the toys and get ready....... I noticed that every other play team had covered their piece of equipment with a towel or plastic.  My stomach immediately went into knots and I wanted to hide.  My mind raced to think of something I might have to cover the table - my jacket?? no bloody way - not going to mark that - my skirt???? maybe but it is layers and layers of slippy slidey material and I had this flash of my lying on it.. and then inadvertently sliding right off the table along with the skirt.  I squeezed my eyes shut tight - and pretended everything was fine............. AFTER ALL I would clean the equipment afterwards - twice if I had to............ 


By this point W was well into the warm up and I hadn't been paying attention....... so I was running fast trying to catch up............... when ............. some submissive - who was playing out of my line of vision - started crying out.... shrieking... and then laughing.... my mind skidded to a halt while it tried to process the noise....... 

By now W had moved along to the harder toys..... and my mind was still way back there at the beginning of the warm up..... I had to work very hard to focus and catch up.......... 

But I got there................ almost.


Twice I could feel the heat in my lower belly building - the orgasm peaking - and then W stopped and moved on to the next toy - or changed the rhythm - because He was trying his damnedest to get the reaction we both love from hard play...........and he had no idea - none whatsoever that I was still madly trying to catch up.

He stroked .. he hit... he bit... he hit some more.  But I seemed to stay 2 steps behind him.  The knives came out and I did relax some into this more sensual type of play....... but still it did nothing to fan the embers burning inside.  At that point I realized there was no point in fussing....... it just wasn't going to happen that night.  I had the adrenaline pumping through my veins...... i was seeing lots and lots of pretty lights and my fairies were dancing just out of reach.......... The climax - the all draining - total surrender of orgasm wasn't going to happen........ but the world wouldn't come to a skidding halt.

I honestly don't remember much else of the play session........... I DO remember cleaning the table well - twice !!!  even if the juices hadn't spilled out of me...... I was gonna make damn sure the table was clean!  


And I remember the walk back to our hotel - on wobbly legs - passing crowds of drunken revelers who worried me on some level.......... I remember collapsing into the HUGE bed in the hotel and dozing off to sleep ............. and thinking that we have another play party this coming weekend - and there will be another chance to get me over the top... flying high - dancing with my fairies................ 


cause I will make bloody sure I have something to cover the equipment !!