Tuesday, January 20, 2009

learning lessons..



i tried this weekend to be a service subbie... no opinions.. no objections.. no ideas.. just do what i am told to do........

BUT truth be told - i failed - miserably.

i had opinions on how the kitchen cabinets should be set up.. which dishes to keep which ones to throw.. i had opinions on what should go in the dining room cabinet.. and in the curio cabinet.. i even.......... phoned an Antique dealer and left Sir's phone number !!!

That wasn't doing what i was told...
That wasn't being a service subbie..
That was being bossy

i have a long way to go before i am a service subbie.. someone who serves without thought or opinion.......

And i am supposed to be - this lesson was taught a long time ago - an invisible subbie..

i am not an invisible subbie.. i always have a question or two for Sir.. and i want the answers now !! i am not patient ........... i am not standing quietly waiting for Sir to acknowledge me..

i am here.. now.. in your face... tapping my toe.. fidgeting....

Some days i can't help but wonder why i thought i could be anyone's submissive.. never mind Sir's...
Some days i can't help but think i would get along a whole lot better with the world if i just hid out in my tiny lil house.
Some days i have more questions than answers.. more doubts than beliefs... more stubbornness than gracefulness..

Some days i can't win for losing ...............
Posted by 0n
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5 comments:

  1. Anonymous7:19 am

    Heh. You think Sir doesn't know all that about you? Maybe, just maybe, he wants you as you are and not the ideal that you hold yourself to?

    I don't know that answer of course, I'm not privy to the conversations the two of you have. What do you think?

    kaya

    ReplyDelete
  2. selkie7:32 am

    kaya just said exactly what I was thinking ... your Sir has been with you a very long time. Your Sir, I believe, loves his bossy, moody, take charge subby ... are you suggesting your Sir doesn't KNOW what he wants?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sir8:11 am

    Sometimes, just sometimes, you are too hard on yourself.

    Remember the only One that is perfect is your Sir..

    Sir,
    Owner of morningstar

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cindy8:36 am

    i agree with everyone else- i think you are being awfully hard on yourself..to me, you werent being bossy setting up your Sirs kitchen/ cupboards, you were doing what you are supposed to do- look out for the best interest of your Master, making sure things are good and right in His life, making things easier for Him. i also agree that He knows exactly who and what you are and wouldnt trade you for anything in the world.
    hugs,
    Hisflower

    ReplyDelete
  5. anna7:48 pm

    Did your Sir tell you he wanted you to be an invisible subbie?

    And, by the way, I've seen you be "invisible" and I happen to think you're a pretty remarkable subbie.

    I don't know if I've ever told you this, but when we first met I completely idolized you. You showed such grace, such confidence, such warmth and hospitality... you were the perfect submissive in my eyes and I strived to be more like you.

    ReplyDelete

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