Dreams do come true

IF you read me regularly then you will remember a couple of days ago i wrote about my recurring dream................ well i am here to say that dreams CAN and do come true......

The weekend didn't exactly start off with much promise...... Friday night through Saturday late afternoon.. not much of anything happened.... the hurt and pain inside me was growing - into monster proportions........ i was scared.

Saturday we had a munch / play party to attend....... i knew we wouldn't be attending the play party due to other obligations......... but in the car driving to town Sir said that there was a session in the works for me when we got home from the munch........ and again on Sunday.

Best laid plans......... by the time we got home from the munch i was pooped.. it was late.. and bed was the only thing on the agenda. i laid in the bed listening to Sir watching television downstairs.. and cried........ cried myself to sleep - if the truth be told.

BUT Sunday morning......... there was no question that Sir was fixed and ready to do battle with the monster inside of me... no question at all....

i was hung from the chains.. and with the first swing of the first flogger the anger inside of me burst...... i was not going to make a sound.. and god help Sir if He asked "who loves you?" He wasn't gonna like the answer... But He didn't ask.. He just moved from flogger to flogger to Helmut's devil toy .. to the leather whippy... to the vegan whip (which felt like a fine strand of wire slicing my ass)... to the circus whip.. working His way down the wall of 'toys'... throwing the used toy on the floor...... moving on to the next.. and still i didn't make a sound...the tears flowed freely down my face.. my nose got stuffed up and snotty.... until... the monster started to fade.. and Sir started to fill me up with everything i craved/needed... until i was hanging limp from the chains.. crying .. with relief.. with love.. with exhaustion..........


(Sir even used the much dreaded much loved tack paddle)



The toys were left in a heap and i was put in my chair and wrapped up in my blanket... and Sir stroked me and loved me...


After lunch........ when the fog had lifted some.. Sir brought out the needles .. the zipper .. and the small cane bundle........ with me lying on the floor at His feet the needles were inserted.... the zipper attached to my ass... and the cane bundle worked some more magic on me.............. and when i least expected it.. the zipper was yanked off... the needles were removed.. and i was flipped over for a good pussy whipping...........




When all was done.. i curled up at Sir's feet and slipped into an endorphin induced nap......... feeling full.. contented.. and knowing *i* am back...... after 6 long hard months.... i am back !!!!

Dark of night

When the night has fallen and all the world is still and quiet.. i slip into my bed to sleep..... but sleep has not been my friend this week... i have tossed and turned and walked the floor - more than i did when the girls were babies...

BUT when i have slept..... i have had the most vivid dreams...... played over and over in my head.. until i can relive them in the daylight.......... (and drive myself nuts i might add)

i am in the dungeon..... hanging by my wrists from the chains in the ceiling.. i am naked and goose bumps cover my skin....... i am blind folded and can only hear Sir walking around the room.. hear the music being turned on .. loud.....

i feel His hands brush down my back over my ass and between my legs .. forcing them wider apart....... He whispers in my ear..... words i can't make out in my dream.. but my heart still pounds louder and harder.......

And then it starts... flogger i think ....... stinging biting into my ass .. wrapping around and catching soft spots on the front of my pelvic bone making me dance and squeal and twist and turn... But He doesn't stop...... the flogger continues to bite into my flesh.. over and over ... and i am cursing Him and crying and saying it is enough i can't take it.. i am angry at Him.. stamping my foot... cursing that it has been weeks and no pity from Him .. my mind and body can not keep up with the speed .. with the strength.. with the pain..

The flogger is tossed aside for a tawse.. and the slaps burn and hurt.. and i shout at Him.. 'how dare He???!!' my mind tells me to stop it.. to end it.. to run .. to hide.. but my mouth only continues to complain and bitch and moan........

After the tawse there is the whip.. and cuts and stripes form across my ass... i am crying.. heart broken .. He .. my beloved Sir.. is hurting me.. and not stopping.. and it isn't supposed to be like this... and i am still fighting Him..

And the whip is tossed aside for the crop.. and now the crop goes to work on my ass.. and then across my breasts.. and between my legs.. and i am breathless.. and crying still... and feeling limp...

Sir stands behind me.. moving in close.. i can smell His smell.. i can feel Him.. bare chested pulling me close into His body..feel the sweat running down His body.. running His hands across my flesh.. reaching round.. grabbing my tits.. squeezing them.. pinching the nipples.. but all i feel is Sir's body against mine.. holding me tight.. holding me close.. holding me safe......... His hand slides down between my legs and i moan.. i am dry.. i am too disjointed to feel my pussy...... it hurts damn it.. i hurt..

He steps back from me .. and pulls my ass back towards Him.... commanding me to spread my legs .. and i do.. i have no choice.. no will.. and He teases me.. making me wet .. a little bit.. and then.. BANG.. He rams into me.. finding the spot.. rubbing it.. feeling the muscles tighten so tight around Him........ and He continues to tease.. till we both smell the musky scent.. hear the slop slop sounds as He moves in and out of me........

And then it stops.. and i feel the cold wooden paddle against my ass.. i hear Sir tell me to count.. 1 .. 2... 3... 4... 5 relatively gentle hits .. AND THEN....... the paddle hits full force.. sending me flying as far across the room as my arms will allow......

Once i catch my breath .. i move back.. bent slightly .. offering my ass to the paddle.. and again.. 1..2...3...4... 5 AGAIN .. full force the paddle sends me whirling the full extent of my arms.. and again we wait while i catch my breath and move back into position........ over and over till i am hanging limp from the chains.. no more tears.. no more curses.. no more anything...... except my world is filled with Sir's scent.. with Sir's force.. with Sir....

And then i am down .. on the floor ... half kneeling.. half lying.. kissing His feet .. thanking Him..........

And i am home again.........

life limps on......

Almost 60 days ago i wrote about THE FALL....... the spectacular 10 point landing fall that laid me up..... put me on CSST (workman's comp)... and really put a smile on my face.. a paid holiday !!!

BUT it is almost 60 days since the fall........ On the weekend - at our formal dinner event - i wore heels - i wanted the knee better.. i have a wedding in less that 3 weeks .. i have strappy high heeled sandals to wear for god's sakes.. i need my knee!! Mid way through the event - my knee hurt so badly i took my shoes off.. who cares what it looked like - i could at least walk upright without crying.........

Yesterday i saw the doctor..... she says 3 more weeks (at least ) of CSST,... the knee is not healed.. the lump on the knee is no smaller (the lump is the tear in the tendon she says it should get smaller as it heals) i am going for occupational therapy and physio..... who knew they were two different things??!! She says i may never be 100%.......... she suggested ways to get around kneeling ....... dontcha know teachers do a lot of kneeling........ and suggested i use a mop for floors - but how could i tell her about the other uses for the knee - the kneeling to greet Sir.. the kneeling for a spanking/flogging....... the kneeling for blow jobs.......

Anyone know of a retirement home for old worn out submissives??

One's place.....

i have always been a one man woman..... or specifically in my case a one Dominant woman..... and i think some of that is because i am a bit weird.. well i heard a better term for it the other day.. i am reclusive.. yup.. that's me reclusive.. i want my world orderly and changeless.. and safe.

Problem is the world won't let me be this reclusive woman (well not just yet) .. i do have to work.. i do have to shop.. i do have to interact with the BDSM community around me.. and i do have to learn to deal with changes........ for now.

When one is a one man woman.. you always know where you stand.. what your place is... what is expected of you.. and there is little to threaten the security of that world.. or to rock it........

Things have changed in my little world...... Sir has found a new submissive to train.... to play with...... to add to our family....... and yeah it has rocked my world.. which i agree won't make a lot of sense to you.... my readers.. seeing as we have been looking to add another.

BUT now things have changed.. big time.. Sir is busy with His life and with this new subbie.. and despite everything i am left feeling a little bit outside my comfort zone.

It feels to me.. and Sir will probably disagree with me.. that i am left doing all the serving side of this D/s relationship...... with little or no reward for the work..... i honestly can't remember the last time i had a good long session .. complete with whips and floggers and crops and chains.. body hanging limp from the ceiling..... but i can tell you exactly when the new subbie had a session........ do i sound jealous??? i don't mean to.. i honestly don't... i am just confused.. and a wee bit lost..

Where is my place now?? WHAT is my place now?? how do i find my way through this maze and come out the other side relatively unscathed???

and the big questions that haunt me in the dead of the night when i should be sleeping..... why am i not enough for Sir now?? am i too old?? too predictable?? not enough of a challenge??

and so it would seem i am starting off on a new journey...... scared as all get out....

All's well that ends well..

It really was a vanilla weekend - between Saturday's formal dinner event and Sunday's bridal tea. BUT both Sir and i survived ........ which is really all that matters........

No no that is wrong.. we didn't just survive....... we had fun!! Saturday afternoon Sir had me clean the main level wearing the clamps firmly secured to my pussy ..... ummmmm somehow it made the dreary tasks a little less dreary !!!

On Saturday evening Sir was busy taking photos of all the guests and activities...... and i realized... despite the vanilla surroundings... i was very much His
submissive ! i sat on the sidelines watching Him work His magic..... guarding the tripod and the camera bag with extra lens.. and making sure no one 'stole' His drink........ After dinner Sir danced with me !! i know that may not be a BIG thing to anyone else - but - as i pointed out to Sir - in 7 years that was the second time we danced together..... i had butterflies in my stomach for heaven's sakes !! i wish someone had taken a picture.. Sir in His tuxedo .. me in my long black swirling skirt and black and white top........ in my mind's eye we were dazzling !!


Sunday morning we dragged ourselves out of bed early and got the house ready for the big Bridal Tea Party ........ the stress of weddings is beginning to take its toll on everyone....... especially my two "brides to be"........ i can only hope that we will all come out the end of this busy year of weddings intact.....

The Bridal Tea was (in my humble opinion) a success.

The flowers Sir organized for me were perfect...........exactly right - her colour scheme - white and navy - and her flower - calla lilies...



My frozen strawberry dessert was a hit.........


and the little petite fours that youngest daughter loves were melt in your mouth perfection...

It was two hours from another time and place - ladies sipping tea, eating sweets and chatting...... someone said the only things missing were the big brimmed hats and white gloves........

And now it is the count down to the first wedding.. 19 days.......... with (hopefully) some quality time (if you know what i mean - wink wink - nudge nudge) for Sir and i.............

Cranky

i am pretty sure my uneasiness today.. my crankiness.. is a coming out of the sub drop.. of feeling left alone .. of feeling needy ..... BUT god i feel cranky.......

i have bubble bathed myself into a wrinkled prune..
i have eaten favourite foods and pampered myself..
i have manicured my nails till they are sparkling
i have planned and re planned the wedding tea this coming weekend..




and still i feel antsy in my own skin.......

THIS is the problem of not living 24/7 ..... because i am ready for Sir to take over.. to take command.. to make this problem go away... to shorten the leash and remind me who is in charge.... i am ready for Him to make 'miss cranky pants' disappear......

and then because we don't live 24/7 together ........ i look ahead and wonder in the busy weekend that is coming where in god's name Sir will be able to fit in this shortening the leash.. beating me black and blue and reminding me who is actually in charge !!! There is no time!! (hear me wail?? )

i can not center myself.. i can not focus myself.. i am as cranky and irritable as a little child who didn't get his nap........ (ohhhhhh if only it were that easy) ........ why can't i be the graceful accepting submissive?? why can't i be a grown up and accept life.. why do i feel the terrible urge to shake something... throw something.. yell and scream??

ughhhhhhh i hate sub drop...... i hate being needy and wanting and achy........ i hate being this endorphin junkie............