Thursday, January 15, 2009
It is 8:00 p.m. Wednesday night.
Sir is out for the evening.
i was left a task email - sit on Mr. Mat for 30 minutes and think about the events of this past week.
At first it felt an awful lot like a punishment and i was upset.... i didn't think i should be punished for honesty.... i didn't think i should be punished for talking about how i feel...
BUT ... i brought out Mr. Mat and i am sitting on it.
And the weirdest thing happened... i had an epiphany. (ok maybe that is a strong word - but everything fell into place.)
Way back in November (i think it was) Sir started to empty His house... He asked me to come and help........... i thought about it and said no. i had what i thought then were good reasons.... now i don't think they were so good.
Something kaya said way back when.. and something melissa said... all kinda slapped me upside the head while i sat on Mr. Mat and focused on the events of the last week - the last few months. WHO did i think i was to say "no" to Sir?? WHO did i think i was to assume i had the best way of clearing out HIS house????
i am here to say .. i was wrong. and i apologize to Sir with all my heart.
What should have happened back in November was - i should have driven over to Sir's house and i should have done as i was told... pack that box, move that vase, empty that drawer - whatever Sir wanted done. i should have been the best submissive i could be.. i didn't.
That is the past.. tomorrow is a new day.
This weekend i will be going to Sir's. i will be helping Him finish up the house....... this weekend.. next weekend.. for as long as it takes.