Tuesday, January 20, 2009

learning lessons..



i tried this weekend to be a service subbie... no opinions.. no objections.. no ideas.. just do what i am told to do........

BUT truth be told - i failed - miserably.

i had opinions on how the kitchen cabinets should be set up.. which dishes to keep which ones to throw.. i had opinions on what should go in the dining room cabinet.. and in the curio cabinet.. i even.......... phoned an Antique dealer and left Sir's phone number !!!

That wasn't doing what i was told...
That wasn't being a service subbie..
That was being bossy

i have a long way to go before i am a service subbie.. someone who serves without thought or opinion.......

And i am supposed to be - this lesson was taught a long time ago - an invisible subbie..

i am not an invisible subbie.. i always have a question or two for Sir.. and i want the answers now !! i am not patient ........... i am not standing quietly waiting for Sir to acknowledge me..

i am here.. now.. in your face... tapping my toe.. fidgeting....

Some days i can't help but wonder why i thought i could be anyone's submissive.. never mind Sir's...
Some days i can't help but think i would get along a whole lot better with the world if i just hid out in my tiny lil house.
Some days i have more questions than answers.. more doubts than beliefs... more stubbornness than gracefulness..

Some days i can't win for losing ...............


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heh. You think Sir doesn't know all that about you? Maybe, just maybe, he wants you as you are and not the ideal that you hold yourself to?

I don't know that answer of course, I'm not privy to the conversations the two of you have. What do you think?

kaya

selkie said...

kaya just said exactly what I was thinking ... your Sir has been with you a very long time. Your Sir, I believe, loves his bossy, moody, take charge subby ... are you suggesting your Sir doesn't KNOW what he wants?

Sir said...

Sometimes, just sometimes, you are too hard on yourself.

Remember the only One that is perfect is your Sir..

Sir,
Owner of morningstar

Hisflower said...

i agree with everyone else- i think you are being awfully hard on yourself..to me, you werent being bossy setting up your Sirs kitchen/ cupboards, you were doing what you are supposed to do- look out for the best interest of your Master, making sure things are good and right in His life, making things easier for Him. i also agree that He knows exactly who and what you are and wouldnt trade you for anything in the world.
hugs,
Hisflower

anna said...

Did your Sir tell you he wanted you to be an invisible subbie?

And, by the way, I've seen you be "invisible" and I happen to think you're a pretty remarkable subbie.

I don't know if I've ever told you this, but when we first met I completely idolized you. You showed such grace, such confidence, such warmth and hospitality... you were the perfect submissive in my eyes and I strived to be more like you.