Tuesday, January 01, 2008
i had an interesting debate / discussion with myself ... about hard limits, fear and specifically mouse traps this past week. It all started off with a Christmas gift of a set of mouse traps........ and a discussion about topping from the bottom .. (ok ok this is most definitely a subbie bouncing ball moment .. but see if you can follow along)
The mouse traps have sat on the bureau in the bedroom since Christmas day.... i have glanced at them every time i have made the bed, tidied up the room, and gotten dressed. (that is one hell of a lot of looking - trust me!!) i was sure .. SURE.. that somewhere somehow mouse traps had to have been on some hard limit list .. weren't they?? (i believed that right up to and including the moment Sir reminded me i did not have - was not allowed - a hard limit list) Those mouse traps scared the hell out of me... and fear began to grow deep in my belly every single time i set foot in the bedroom.
Now ...... i decided.... in my infinite subbie wisdom... to first try ignoring them... that worked for all of .. ummmm.. let's see 5 minutes??!! Then i decided to sort of shove them behind stuff and hope to hell Sir would kinda forget about them..... after all there were one heck of a lot of kinky gifts to work through this year.... including the shopping trip!!!
Then the other night (no don't ask me which night - all the days/nights have run together over this holiday........ thanks to my Christmas 'fairies' most days i haven't a clue what day or time it is!!) Anyway.. the other night the mouse traps were kinda calling out to me.. and i found myself fantasizing about them... even while i sat watching TV with Sir. i decided to take the bull by the horns - so to speak - top from the bottom if you prefer - and just ASK if Sir would use the damn traps!! (face the fear or something like that ) ...... Sir said 'no' .. NO???????? no!
So another couple of days went by with the fear building inside........ that is .. until last night. i had made a fire and was chattering on and on about how romantic it was...... (i think i may have been bugging Sir ) when Sir decided that He would make it that much more romantic by having me fetch the mouse traps and wear them in front of the fire.... that was HIS idea of romance on New Year's Eve.
i went upstairs to get them.... and by the time i had produced them in the living room for Sir i was damn close to tears. Why tears?? because (sheeeesh) i cry when i am scared.. and i was bloody scared at that point. Sir opened the packaging and i was watching Him like a mouse already caught in the damn trap.
When He came over to me .. and had me put my feet up on the seat of the chair and spread 'em ...... i was begging Him not to hurt me....... well... not hurt me too much. He stopped and looked at me and asked what the problem was??? After all i am one lil greedy masochist for god's sakes and here i was begging?? and tears were puddling.. i tried to explain.. "i am just afraid Sir"... and that is when it hit me.. F E A R ..... it plays in the brain.. it plays things up big and makes the stomach knot and the knees weak.. and the tears puddle........ it is what a masochist craves almost as much as the pain (for me anyway!!)
All that rationalizing didn't help me one little bit.. i still held my breath.. as first one then the other were snapped on to my pussy lips.. i let my breathe out slowly .. mentally i did a "does it hurt ??" kind of evaluation. Then i breathed a huge sigh of relief.... i would survive the pain...... and WOW!! i had mouse traps attached to my pussy!!! Pictures !! i want pictures !!! The fear was gone and all that was left was pain and pleasure mixing and swirling like patterns in a kaleidescope.
Fear is most definitely a submissive's best friend and worst enemy.... and what makes this all so much damn fun !!!