Keeping me sane......

Yesterday spankedhortic left this comment on 'Reality'

"Yep, there is a lot of vanilla life that has to be lead (some of it is actally quite good) but it is the floggers and crops (and canes and straps and.......) that stops me going mad, I don't know about you?"

(i stumbled across spankedhortic's blog from a comment he left a while back in reference to a 'house boy' post... and i have been reading him since.)

Anyway getting back to yesterday's comment....... of course he is right.. so very right. It IS the floggers and crops and all the other toys and sessions that make life so much easier to cope with.

My need for pain.. for the endorphins... is something i have whined about, written about, ranted about, and pouted about.. on this blog more than once !!! It is .. for me.. what makes life flow together. When i come home on a Friday night - exhausted and stressed from the week's events - Sir knows exactly where to take me.. and exactly how to get me there. My absolute favourite is to be told to lie on the floor at Sir's feet while He puts needles up and down my ass... using chains and small swords between the needles to tickle and tempt and make me wiggle ... and when the last needle is removed, my body is as limp as a wet dish rag..... stress free and relaxed and ready for the weekend.

When i have been ill... and Sir cuts back on the floggings on the sessions.. it makes me feel broken.. half a sub..... and i slip into a massive pity party..... if Sir won't play with me then i MUST be damn sick !!!

These past few weeks and months Sir has played with me hard as much as is humanly possible.. taking my mind to far off places where there are fairies and laughter and pretty colours - and He has not left me to wallow in self pity or doubt .. or even left me too long with the "what if monster".

Last evening Sir had an appointment and couldn't be online to touch base with me.. He knows how fatigued these new pills are making me.. He knows my fear of the end of result...... and so imagine my surprise when i received the email with instructions for the evening..... at 7:30 i was to apply clamps to my pussy and leave them on for 30 minutes... then i had a 15 minute rest before i was to bring out the vibrator and vibrate myself for 15 minutes before being allowed to cum.

That email was like a gift...... i anxiously awaited the 7:30 start........ i was just a tad disappointed with the masturbation time.. no no .. not the fact i had to masturbate.. but at my body's reaction to it......... ohhhhhhhhh i had an orgasm.. but most definitely NOT an earth shattering one...... but then i was tired.. the wind was howling around the house - the trees were rattling against the windows and it was not the most relaxing atmosphere.. especially when the lights flickered on and off a couple of times.. BUT i did it.. and as i lay in my bath i realized how lucky i was (yes yes again !!) to have a Sir who knows exactly how to push the fears.. the stress.. the mundane every day business from my world.......

So YES spankedhortic it does stop me from going totally mad!!!

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and for those of you who keep track of my "other blogs" i have posted some pics to the Photojournal ....... enjoy!!!