did battle

Yes that is MY ass... Yes i did get the long awaited session .. YES the beast inside was fed..

But it didn't come easily........ it was a battle.........

and i know i am not the only one who fights this battle when the paddles and the whips come out........ i found this picture .. and thought how appropriate it is...... hate and love with misery spelled out across the middle...........


because that is exactly how it all started last night.......

It was late when Sir took me downstairs....... my fault....... entirely my fault that we didn't get around to a session till late....... in the afternoon i had a minor little (ok ok major) emotional melt down over my youngest daughter's wedding.......... and i kept saying "i have to sit and talk with her!!" As fate would have it .. when i called her.. she and her fiancé were having an "adult day" and had time to come by and sit and talk .... and talk we did....... for just over 2 1/2 hours ........ until i felt secure in the fact that she was happy.......... (i thought the damn brides were supposed to get emotional not the mother of the bride!!) But once we talked about styles and budgets and wants and needs....... i felt so much better.. and i think she did too... at least now she feels someone is thinking/talking about her wedding.. it is going to be a bit of a tight rope walk this year .. to get through two daughter's weddings ..... in the same summer !!!

Anywayyyyyyyyyy .. back to the topic.......... Sir took me downstairs and i went dragging my heels......... where was this bloody craving i had had all week?? Hells bells if Sir had been here during the week i might very well have attacked Him and dragged Him downstairs.. throwing myself at His feet and begging for the pain i so needed. Yet here it was.. the time to play........ and i can't get past the feeling that i really don't want to do this... that it is unfair.. i am so weird sometimes !!

Sir had me strung up on the cross - my favourite equipment - and going nice and slow.. easing me into the session so to speak.... and i can't get my head around it. Sir tried a nice rhythm ..and it hurt and i ground my teeth and glared.. Sir tried my favourite flogger .. and it hurt and i ground my teeth and glared.. (all the while in my head i had this battle going on... between loving and hating....and how absolutely miserable i felt...... and it kept feeling like the hating side was winning.. i was hating what Sir was doing to me.. i was hating the toys that were doing it.. i was hating Sir!) Sir got the wartenburg wheel........normally i LOVE the wheel .... i twisted and turned and tried to get away from it.. i yelped ouch .. i fought it... and all the while in my head the battle was raging........... and i was watching and thinking "stop it stop it stop it" (but to whom i was shouting this mantra to in my head - the hate or the love or even to Sir .. i have no idea). It just felt plain miserable.

Sir almost flung the wheel down... oh i am so sure He was wondering what to do to push me over the edge of the battle........ He wrapped his hands in my hair and pulled my head back and said .. so low and so fierce in my ear... "do you hate me?" and i answered "Yes Sir!" and the hand stayed wrapped in the hair and his other hand started to spank.. a slow methodical spanking......... building and building the heat in my ass.......... and somehow.. in my mind's eye i saw Sir slapping away the hate.. slapping away the misery.. holding my head up - hand wrapped tightly in my hair.. making me feel anchored and focused..........

And just like that... (imagine a snapping of a finger) POOF the battle was over.. and the love had won............. i marveled at how easily it had happened.. it was like the love just kept growing and growing till it filled my mind's eye completely and there was no room left for hate or misery...... just the very bright brightness of love......

And i settled down to the whip and the tawse and the paddles without any more battles... and when the question was asked "who loves you" i could answer "my Sir does - because He beats my ass!!"