Just not me

When I was growing up -- and my parents (well actually my father) were buying my clothes..... they were very conservative -- never included jeans -- and rarely a pair of pants.  All my skirts and dresses went to mid knee.... a conservative length.

When I was on my on own -- and shopping for clothes -- I always bought the outfits I knew my father would approve of -- even after he was dead.  I always had this weird feeling -- like I was playing dress up.  I didn't fully understand that feeling -- thought maybe everyone had the same feeling in one degree or another. 

I do have a man's oversized white shirt that I wear with leggings... I have an authentic oriental jacket ..... and when I wear those two outfits I feel comfortable in my own skin.  BUT most of the clothes I own make me squirmy -- and out of sorts -- and usually I hate how I look.  

I talked to Sir Steve about my wardrobe.  I asked him to answer me honestly!! IF I decided to add one or two more eccentric style outfits how would he feel....... 
his answer......... 'will they make you feel good about yourself?'  

I started researching clothing -- and actually found a designer on line who makes clothes that look (on line) gorgeous! they touch something deep inside me........ I took a deep breath and ordered a couple of items...... a navy blue spring coat nothing spectacular ... BUT I could see it with leggings and hiking boots and wild scarves around the neck...... I ordered it..... and when it came I immediately feel in love and got the stamp of approval from Sir Steve.

I ordered another spring dress that looks a bit like a Picasso painting -- it came and I love it!!  I am now looking for accent leggings to wear with it............  

 I now have a huge list on my 'wish list' of clothing that feels more me and I want steampunk jewellery and nail decals and lots of bright coloured leggings ....... I really do want to live my life using all the crayons in the box !!!

Sunday Sentiments

Working on Me

Just because.........

I don't really have a post today -- other than we got good news on Sir Steve's test results..... the lil one now has pink eye...... and my thumb isn't as swollen but still doesn't support any weight.  (I didn't know how much I need my left thumb until I don't really have it -- le sigh)

Soooooooooo

There's a meme going around blog land and I thought for fun I would give it a go....

 Had one of your kids unknowingly pick up or use one of your implements? 
nope - unless you count ........ when I was moving and youngest daughter was pregnant and wanted to help.... so I told her to empty the bags of clothes in the bedroom..... completely forgetting that I had hidden my sex toys in one of the bags... I will never forget the moment she came down the stairs waving a dildo around and announcing I needed a lock box so that my soon to arrive grandson didn't find them and think they were microphones ........ (I nearly died of embarrassment as there were a half dozen friends helping me move who got to witness her display) 

Hidden an implement?
I am assuming you mean from my partner........ I have done it but only in good fun... I've also threatened to 're-gift' some toys to deserving friends...... but I love all the toys too much to hide any of them seriously. 

Had an uninvited audience for a spanking? 
uninvited?  no can't really say 'uninvited' ...... but there was a time we were playing at a public dungeon...... I was on the St. Andrew's cross enjoying myself -- when I opened my eyes to see this (ewwww) guy hiding in the corner very close to me ...
masturbating....... 

Had an implement break while being in use?
oh yeah more than once.  The worst breakage was a cane that splintered across my ass and left some pretty gruesome marks (mainly because the 'spanker' hadn't noticed it splintering and had kept using it ) 

Stood up or walked out from a spanking?
only once -- but it was because I felt that the spanking was being done in anger and the whole scene felt out of control........

Purchased an implement yourself...for yourself?
definitely.......  because I am a firm believer in not sharing my toys...... so I had my own toy bag and the implements could not ever .. EVER... be used on someone else.

Had a session where all the implements were used?
Nope - because I had way too many 

Had to explain "weird noises" coming from your bedroom?
Nope never -- I think if anything had been heard -- the folks hearing the noise didn't really want to 'know' ...


 Been spanked outside of the comfort of your four walls?
oh yeah - almost more than I have been spanked inside my 4 walls -- mainly because I was very active in the BDSM scene and we played publicly ...... and now of course we go to the campgrounds for the summer and I am NOT going all summer without some form of play (small stamp of foot ) 
 
Spanked your significant other?
nope never -- and now Sir Steve is a Sadist and I am a masochist -- so it's never gonna happen. 

Been spanked in a hotel room/resort?
yup once or twice.  

Been spanked with your own belt?
not my belt no....... but Sir Steve's belt yes (see me grinning?!)  and I wrote about it in more detail HERE 


 That was fun  -- if you haven't done it already -- feel free to use it..... thanks to Hermione - that's where I picked it up :)

Coming to terms...

For the longest time I have been waiting -- holding my breath and waiting -- for life to return to normal.

Normal - in my mind - was at the beginning of our relationship -- lots of private time -- no 'real life' problems -- a fantasy.  Then -- somewhere around declaring our love for each other -- things started to get complicated.  and I kept waiting for life to return to 'normal'.

I've done this before ..... many times .... when my husband started working shift work I kept saying 'when things return to normal'.... after I had my first baby I kept saying 'when things return to normal'.... and slowly the realization would hit that THIS was my new normal and I had to adjust.  I don't 'adjust' easily...... trust me not easily at all.

After this weekend it was really hard to return to 'normal' life around here... I dragged my heels -- I moaned and whined (in my head).  And this week's normal looks like test results with Sir Steve this afternoon -- the lil one's snuffy nose -- twisting my thumb yesterday and today coping with a slightly swollen VERY sore thumb that doesn't want to bend properly......... 

It would be so nice if 'normal' could look like a life with no bumps in the road... no detours.... just sunshine and lollipops ya know.......... but nah life isn't that way .. time to adjust to this new normal........