SURPRISE !!

Surprise !!

i bet you all didn't expect to see a post from me today did you???

surprise surprise surprise !!

i just popped on to say......... i am fed up with all the Christmas decorations now... anyone else feel that way??? i am so DONE with the holidays....

Come this weekend........All the Christmas decorations on The Journey are coming down.......... and i am going back to the every day look around here..........

Come Monday all the decorations in the condo will be down and tidied up............

i so look forward to the holiday season... to the lights, the decorations, the music..... BUT .. by December 31st i am SO done with it all... done as dinner.

My bags are packed....... i'm ready to go..

Anyone even know that song??? (shrug oh well it's just one more thing that shows my age)

My bags aren't packed - yet !! But they will be by early afternoon. i am off to Sir's for the next few days. Well that isn't exactly true either.... i am off to Sir's and then tomorrow we are off to the States to bring in the New Year with our American friends......... i am sorta excited about it.. and sorted stressed about it.

They have a beautiful home - a castle of sorts - at the top of a mountain. (seems to me all our American friends live out in the country on the top of mountains - which is great for privacy !!! BUT oh my god !! the narrow winding roads to the top are hair raising in the summer........... what are they going to be like in the winter??!!)

But we were invited to their "Spank in the New Year" party and ya all know we couldn't resist the invitation!! Spanking in the New Year sounds so much better - honestly - than counting down the seconds with the TV.. and the ball in Times Square!! And it sure beats past years where Sir and i hosted a BDSM Open House on New Year's day.......... which involved a whole mess of cooking and organising and preparations........ and a house full of people!! And days of cleaning up afterward....... and truthfully hardly a spank at all for poor lil me........... so yeah i am up for this party !!

Now i am wondering......... seeing as i have never been to a "Spank in the New Year" event.......... do we subbies get spanked for 10 seconds?? or do we get spanked 2010 times to celebrate the start of a new year?? OR is the challenge to squeeze in 2010 spanks in 10 seconds ?? (can i just skip that challenge??)

AND i will take a page out of our friend's party book............ from now on hold pot luck parties !! Don't try and feed the masses by yourself. i have enough leftovers from the holidays that i am taking a sweet tray and a hot crab dip. For you foodies out there....... no pictures i am sorry..... everything is packaged up for travel - not exactly picture taking qualities.

You all play nice now..........

See you all in the New Year !!

Scarlet Letter

When i was growing up i read a book entitled the Scarlet Letter. The Scarlet Letter was an "A" which stood for adulteress. Now to be perfectly truthful with you all, i don't much remember what the plot of the story was....... just that there was a woman who was an adulteress and she was forced to wear a scarlet A on her clothing so everyone knew.

There was something about the shame of that letter that stuck with me. i never EVER wanted to be branded with a scarlet letter. That and my upbringing probably went a long way in keeping me honest............


Now i don't know if it is the season .. or something in the water.. or something in the air.......... but there is a whole lot of talk going on (in blogs and lists) about playing outside of your primary relationship. And i am watching with some interest the reactions of both sexes. i have noticed that more men seem to endorse the playing on the side......... and more than a few woman are struggling with the idea.

What some of you don't know......... is that way back when....... i too considered myself the "other woman" in my relationship with Sir. You see...... He was already in a relationship when we met........ and when we first started to play. That relationship was not a D/s relationship........ but more a bondage / girlfriend/boyfriend sort of relationship. i was ........ at the time....... identifying (for lack of a better term and because the whole story is best saved for another day) as a lesbian. So you see.......... when Sir offered to teach me about bondage..... and D/s neither of us.. or i should say - NONE of us - expected anything in the way of a long term relationship developing.

However, as time went on, i looked at it as having the best of both worlds. You see Sir's partner at the time was Domme and from time to time she would dominate me (mostly at play parties and with some trepidation - but still she did dominate me ) i kept thinking how much fun it could be having two Masters (so to speak ) to serve.

But that's not how it turned out. When i realized i was having very serious feelings for Sir......... i didn't keep it to myself. i went to the Domme and told Her. (see that's where the honesty bit comes into play) She and i had many long talks....... and suffice it to say for now.......... i had her blessing to pursue my desire to be collared by Sir.

BUT there were times when i wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the top in over me. Times when i felt so ashamed of my feelings for Sir that i thought i should pack it all in and walk away. But something stopped me. And well.. here we are some 8+ years later........ and i have to say i am very glad i didn't walk away. (though in all honesty - the relationship between Sir and Her didn't end exactly the way i foresaw it ending........... there were hurt feelings - and truthfully that is something i have to live with )

There is something i took away from that period of my life.......... besides the feeling guilty about their break up. And this may sound just a tad twisted........ but i don't trust any submissive/slave who "just" wants to play with my Sir...... nope no way no how!!

i especially don't trust the ones who think - for some reason - that is OK to play without even a "by your leave" to me. And you know what?? i wouldn't want to play with a dominant who was married - or in a committed relationship who had to hide me from the world. THAT spells Scarlet Letter to me.

i am sick to death hearing about the "feelings" and not being able to deny them any longer. i am sick to death of hearing how it is only "play" and not serious. (ok ok sometimes it is just play - every now and then - at a party - i am not talking about that...... i am talking about the "i want to kneel at your feet and kiss your boots and give you my all" type of relationship)

i don't understand how hiding in the shadows is fulfilling to either party. Especially at holiday time - when everyone is with loved ones - except for the Scarlet A - hidden away - waiting for the holidays to be over so they can be together again - stolen moments in a lifetime. i really do struggle with how one rationalizes it all........ to themselves.

i may not be proud of moments in the beginning with Sir....... but i am very proud that i never hid in the shadows, that i was open and honest with everyone - including my family. i never wore the Scarlet A and never will. Life is too precious to spend it waiting in the shadows.

BDSM - finally !!

It would seem that the last 28 days have been filled with vanilla activities....except for a little tease (over on Sir's blog) of a spanking with His new paddle the other day...



So i decided ....even though i wanted to show you pictures and more pictures ( ad nauseam ) of Christmas up here in the Great White North.... that it was time to do a post on the BDSM side of Christmas.

On Saturday (well i think it was Saturday - my days are all mixed up) Sir ordered me down to the play room for a full on session. Do you have any idea how long it has been since i have been taken down to the play room???

i didn't drag my heels .. or whine.. nothing like that.. but inside i was a total mess... a whining, stressing, worrying mess. Why?? because it has been so long.... and to be in the play room means all the toys will be probably be used.. from soft floggers to knotted rope floggers, to paddles, to quirts, to whips. The whole shooting match.

But i was good.. i put my hands up to allow Sir to buckle me into the suspension cuffs, i even stood quietly as He hooked them up high to the chains in the ceiling. i clenched my teeth and thought.. "right! let's get this over with".

But Sir was nice to me... in a Sir way. He started off with the soft kid leather flogger.. and actually (sort of) warmed me up before He moved along to the leather flogger and then the knotted rope flogger..... and my mind was tripping all over the place... it was very difficult to find that one spot to focus on... to catch my breathing and slow it down........ to ride the pain instead of fighting it. It had been so long you see.......... the spankings/floggings over the ottoman in the living room are becoming easy to endure (yes endure - i never seem to really fly ) and i was totally completely out of practice with the whole focus breathing thing..........

i was doing the subbie dance... and yelping occasionally...... Sir asked me why i was always saying "OUCH"........ in that cheeky way He has....... and i said "FINE! i will give You more varied adjectives!!" And the four letter words started streaming from me............... and Sir laughed.. and just hit harder.

Then i smelled something.. i sniffed.. and tried to identify what the scent was... it took me a while..... in fact i don't think i fully identified the smell until i realized my juices were flowing freely down my legs....... and then i knew....... that musky smell was ME......... aroused and loving every minute of this time in the play room.

No need to worry about breathing anymore.. or focusing.. my body just took over..
It was sorta like Sir said (at the beginning i think - when i tried to explain to Him i was a little bit scared.. and most definitely out of practice) "it's like riding a bicycle - you never forget how"

And we have a little ritual - something i have done since the very beginning - after a session i get down on all 4's and move to Sir's feet and thank Him - sometimes if it hasn't gone well - i think how ludicrous it is to be thanking Him for causing me pain.......... but on days like Saturday......... the emotions are so thick i can barely say the words........... because i do indeed thank Him with all my being.

Toys toys and more toys....

Christmas is always celebrated here at the condo on the 24th.... Personally i think it was a HUGE success !!

Youngest daughter landed up laughing and crying over the printer we bought for them....

Eldest daughter and son-in-law enjoyed their gift for their "new baby" - Spike - the combination golden/boxer they got in the fall.......



The eldest grandson was excited with the old fashioned hockey bank complete with money to buy a game for his DS...... youngest was thrilled with the bucket of old fashioned blocks to build castles with.........



Baby Jordan found the whole thing boring ..... and spent his day eating, crying and sleeping.

BUT the very best reaction was Sir............ i gave Him (His vanilla gift) a remote controlled helicopter. Christmas Eve - after dinner was done - Sir and the other "men" worked on learning the basics of flight.......... even my male cat got into the spirit of things...........



As little Tim said....... "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night"



The 25th was our traditional BDSM Christmas ...... i (cause i am a stupid stupid subbie ) gave Sir more Christmas clothes pegs...



And the mystery box .. that took the long way round to get here...... was a huge hit ... it was a leather paddle with a blue rose worked into the leather..... (hard to explain) BUT if you want to see the paddle ... in action even...... check out Sir's blog here

Today is deemed a quiet snuggle up day......... the fire is laid in the fireplace.. the leftover turkey and trimmings are on the menu....... the snow is moving in..... it is a wonderful time of the year !!!