Living Proof

 

 I think I shocked a few people yesterday - I know I shocked Sir Steve (a little bit)

I did take the picture down.........
but there was a part of my brain that went 'it's only a body part'...... it isn't dirty.. or disgusting (not in my opinion anyway)  It is just a body part - with pretty jewelry.. jewelry !!  that's what I see when I look at that picture -
J E W E L R Y........ shrug

Maybe it's true... you lose filters the older you get.. 

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Friday - and the promise of 2 days of freedom

Influence?

 

 

There has been a fair amount of discussion about TTWD - how it works.. how we wish it worked... how to make it work.......... lots of discussions..........

BUT my question this morning is......... what first influenced you ? What made you even look into TTWD?

Wayyyyyyyyyyy back when - almost 50 years ago - I read a book The Story of O

 

I bought the book - I bought the DVD...  Back in the day I believed it was all fiction and often thought how nice it would be if such a lifestyle actually existed.  Imagine my shock - my surprise when I discovered there was a lifestyle that embraced a lot of the principals in the book!!!

There was something HOT about being a taken sexually -  the dress she wore - no underpants - always available to a male's whim......... omg that was stuff my fantasies were made of......... 

Then there was her piercing............. that haunted my day dreams and my night time slumbers........ to have a genital piercing .. 

And her branding - now that was something I could not imagine........but still it drew me in....influenced me.

My life went on normally despite my love of the book.. despite my research into this alternate lifestyle... As I grew up (translate to matured) I realized there was some aspects of the book I would never/could never EVER consent to......... the sex slave thing......... shaking head - nope it couldn't happen - for a number of reasons but mostly my belief that sex was something intimate that was only shared with someone you 'loved' ..... someone who valued you and someone you valued.  (hell I was a virgin when I got married - so yeah sex slave was NOT for me)

BUT fast forward to my 50th birthday - and a whole new life ahead of me - recently divorced  - feeling a freedom for the first time in my life....... I decided to get my first tattoo........ symbolic of my new beginnings........ 

 

Things moved fairly quickly from that point on............. 

I got my second tattoo ... at the top of my left thigh............... the next best thing to being branded (in my opinion)

And then...............
after much research .... and soul searching... I went and had a genital piercing.... 

I have to say it was the MOST painful thing I have done to my body  -- and to my horror - I orgasmed right there on his paper covered table.....
It also lived up to it's hype.. (for me anyway) it makes my clit much more sensitive and enhances any sexual experience.  It was the BEST modification I did to my body.  

And then ....... the last tattoo I got ... about 10 years ago - when I was with Sir Steve the first time........ 

I find I have to explain this one - it's more iconish than real........... it's a view of the back of a geisha carrying a parasol....... and it's on my ankle.

Over the years I tried many different facets of the Story of O....... and slowly pieced together what works for me.........and now what works for me and Sir Steve... 

So tell me - what first influenced you?? What first drew you in?

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a quietness and peace in my mind.

 

New Day

 

 Wednesday - a new day - THANK GOD!  Yesterday was a nightmare.

First it was the cold house..... every night I open the bedroom window a crack and turn the furnace wayyyyyyy down - cause my mother swore you had to have fresh air at night even in the winter.  There's never really been a problem before - cause who ever gets up first turns the furnace up and in minutes you can feel the heat.

EXCEPT for yesterday.  

Sir Steve turned the furnace up at 5am... by 9am I was still shivering... I checked and the house was only warmer by about 1 degree.  WTF??!!  by noon we were 2 degrees higher.  I called Sir Steve .. he called the landlord .. the landlord called the furnace guy.   The furnace guy said he couldn't be here till Friday??!!  WTF??!! my body was so cold it was constantly shivering.  BUT the gods were smiling on me and the furnace guy came around 1pm....... he muddled around downstairs... and said he had fixed the problem... though he did add that if I had a problem to call him and he'd come back.  The thermostat was reading 20 when he left.  2 hours later it had gone up a whole half a degree...... and I swore I was suffering from hypothermia (have I told you that cold is a definite HARD limit for me??!!)  I called Sir Steve ... he called the landlord.. the landlord called the furnace guy... the furnace guy came back around 5.  Turns out he missed a problem....... which involves a new piece which has to be ordered.......... BUT he fixed the problem temporarily so I don't freeze to death until they get the piece and fix the furnace.

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Yesterday was Dr. Seuss' birthday and the school was celebrating... excitement reigned supreme around here with the lil one.  Then around 12:30 she had a melt down...... tears and drama - all because she HATED her picture of the Cat in the Hat.... she threw a little temper tantrum and tossed her sketch book onto the shelves and refused to try... tears and 'woe's me' attitudes abounded ....... I put my foot down firmly - and made her redo her drawing... using HER cat in the hat book for reference... after some stamping of feet and major sighing she did get back to it... and I think did a reasonably good job........... 

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AND the topper for the day........

remember those Montreal bagels my youngest brought us?? the ones with seeds instead of plain?? yeah those bagels..
On Saturday night Sir Steve and I had some toasted with chicken corn chowder.... I was good and didn't have any bagels on Sunday........ BUT Monday they were calling my name for breakfast....... and yesterday too....
Last night I suffered the consequences............. ohhhhhhhh did I suffer.... 

So yeah ... thank goodness for a new day! 


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a new start each day....... and a warm house!

On Growing Old

 (not a particularly happy post - but it is truthful!)

 

I look in the mirror and dear god I don't see ME looking back - I see someone old.. with age spots and wrinkles and gray hair.  It's a shock you know? cause my brain says I am maybe 50.... maybe!!  But my reflection says old lady.

This decade that I am in  is really a "I can see the end of the road from here" and that is a scary place to be.  Logically I see 10 maybe 15 good years ahead of me  -- if I take care of myself.... 

I wonder some days if Sir Steve really thought about what he was getting into ..... hooking up with someone who is 17 years older than he is.  Yes you heard me right - 17 years older!!!  (and if anyone calls me a cougar I will slap you silly!! )  See I didn't really see the age difference....... until this year...... did the math........ and asked myself 'what were you thinking??!!" WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING??!!

I am angry -- not because I am old -- but because I feel as though so much of my life was wasted.  Some days I feel a little panicky -- I don't want to waste one precious minute.  I keep feeling if I don't get stuff done today I may not be able to do it tomorrow....... everything from reading books - to eating foods - to sex .... oh dear god !!  I want to have sex every single day........ and spankings ...... I want to fill every day with all the 'stuff' I love/crave/desire.  BUT especially want to fill my days with Sir Steve - fill his mind with memories...and love  - enough to last forever.

 

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my Sir Steve - for loving me enough 

Mundane Monday

 

Friday night I said to Sir Steve "I love Fridays - the weekends always hold such promise - like believing I might actually sleep in"

 

And we had plans for the weekend - a road trip!! 

ok we were only going to the butchers - but usually it's a great drive - on back country roads through farm country and small towns with so much character.   By the time we left the house - around 10ish - it was snowing lightly....... I wasn't concerned cause the weather man had said it wouldn't be bad maybe 2 cms then it would rain..... Why I believe the weather man is beyond me!!  By the time we got to the butchers (45 minute drive) it was a blizzard..... coming home I white knuckled it - we couldn't see the road in places ... couldn't see the car in front of us... UGH!  AND youngest daughter and SIL were coming from Quebec and I was stressing about them on the highway.

We made it safe and sound and so did youngest daughter.  I was excited to see them - but also they were bringing us Quebec bagels and Quebec cheese bagels (sort of like cheese danish) .......... Youngest daughter never lets us in her house when we visit her..... and she wouldn't come into our house.. in fact she and SIL wore masks while they were here ..... le sigh......... I'm not sure who they are worried about - them infecting me or me infecting them........... but seriously!!??  Obviously there were no hugs - no touching at all......... I miss hugging my kids ya know?! Anyway - it was bloody cold outside visiting with them ....... and my feet were frozen by the time they left.  We opened the bag of bagels - WTF??? they didn't bring my plain ones....... dietary restrictions mean I can only have plain ones........ and they forgot .. colour me sad.  AND the cheese bagels when Sir Steve and I had them - were stale and hardly any cheese in them.  Colour me disappointed

 

Sunday was spent getting some mundane house chores done - I got Sir Steve to help me change the duvet cover.  I can do it myself... but it's so much easier with 2 people!!  No one told me what a challenge it is to change the covers.........

We have had this one on our bed since November................... 

 

 

And changed to this one for the spring/summer. 

OH and Sunday night Sir Steve ordered us some fish from a cute lil restaurant near us.. I have been craving fried clams.. wasn't on their menu BUT they did have clam chowder so Sir Steve asked if it was possible to get me my fried clams - and they agreed!!  (hear me cheer) a bright spot in the weekend 

Remember my hopes of sleeping in on the weekend on Friday night?

People say I am a pessimist -- BUT hoping that I will sleep in is my being more than a little optimistic!!

Saturday morning I woke up at 5:30 -- wow!!  full 30 minutes!!!  Sunday still held promise for a longer sleep in ... a decadent time lounging around in bed......... we watched a movie till late (well late for us) it was 11:30 when we crawled into bed..... and my last thought was - 'well now I WILL sleep in cause yeah 11:30!!"

Around 3 am my eyes popped open...... (oh I should add - it was mild for us and I had opened the bedroom window wider than usual) I could hear voices - happy voices.. singing voices... laughing voices... drunk voices ........walking past our house le sigh.... at least they were walking!

I finally managed to drift back off to sleep -- when around 5:30 I heard A voice outside our window.......... GAH!!  That was it...... I gave up..... and got up........ 

There's always next weekend ............. 

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the chance to see my youngest daughter - if only for a short time....