Y E S !

After over a month of no sex we finally managed to both feel better on the same night with energy!  

I always forget how amazing sex with Sir Steve is - seriously ..... I remember it makes me feel good BUT the intricate details I forget.....How he slowly - inch by inch - slides into me -- making me catch my breath -- so slowly it drives me crazy -- feeling every ridge every pulsing vein enter me

And then when he's almost all the way in ..... he stops.... I hold my breath and look up at him and he is smirking at me -- teasing me -- feeling my body pulse against him -- feeling me wiggle trying to take all of him - wanting him to start moving... wanting 'it' to start....... 

Then it does start -- and he pounds into me -- hitting my cervix making me gasp and moan -- and call his name -- wanting him to slow down -- but not wanting him to slow down -- wanting more .. faster and harder... never wanting it to end.

And all the time his eyes are fixed on my face -- watching me -- judging how close I am ... and the Sadist comes out to play and as I reach that point -- that glorious point -- he stops ...... H E    S T O P S !! and grins at me as I wiggle and whine and beg...... 

He is a Sadist -- and I love it !!

We are both feeling better -- and that is a very good thing !

Sunday Sentiments

Not Available

Last weekend when Sir Steve picked up the lil one and was leaving -- the mother said "I can't have her next weekend I am busy"..... and shut the door.  In just over 2 weeks the mother will be taking her 3rd holiday since May and be gone for 2 1/2 weeks.  

It pisses me off -- for a lot of reasons.  AND it is teaching me about being a step parent and how little control I have -- tough lesson for this old bird to learn.

BUT I do wonder what it teaches the lil one.  She apparently told a parent at the bus stop yesterday that she wasn't going to see 'mommy' this weekend -- she was gonna have fun with Daddy and (insert my name here) and the animals.  I am (honestly I AM) glad she accepts these change of weekend plans without a blip.  It says a lot about Sir Steve's going with the flow -- and hiding his true feelings from the lil one.  

I went looking for meme about dead beat moms -- do you know there are hardly any??!!  one or two only compared to pages and pages of memes about dead beat dads..... someone should fix that!!  Some dads are f**king amazing -- stepping up to the plate all the time -- every time -- and in my opinion they don't get enough credit.

AND ya know what else bugs me.......... even if the court comes through with the final order of full custody for Sir Steve and weekends / holidays for mom -- nothing will change. This selfish - self centered - egotistical bitch will still decide when / if she is taking the lil one.  Our life will still be controlled by her whims.

This is truly a new learning curve for me............

Slow Process

As most of you know I started tidying/sorting/changing Sir Steve's house a few months ago.  His exwife removing all her 'stuff' out of the house (no matter how upsetting that was) was the best thing that could have happened.... even Sir Steve admitted that.  It forced him (and me) to move forward - to fill in the blank spaces -- and then to add some finishing touches.

The front hall way was one of the last bits to be done.  There had been this flimsy coat hook thingy that the lil one really couldn't reach to hang up her coats/sweaters and there was no place for adult coats. (they tended to get tossed on a chair in the living room)  And 90% of the pictures in the house were her choosing.  

So I got Sir Steve motivated and we picked new coat hooks for the front hallway -- for both adults and children....... and I convinced him that we could replace the pictures really cheaply by buying some frames that matched the wood work in the house (shelves tables etc) and I could use some photographic magic to produce pictures that clearly represented "US"..... ( fortunately Sir Steve has a love of all things oriental too) 

Yesterday we started adding the finishing touches to the house......... Honestly it feels like a brand new space.......

front hallway

some of the pictures over Sir Steve's chair.... 

And there has been a side effect to all these changes -- to claiming life for ourselves -- Sir Steve hasn't really celebrated Halloween in a few years AND he admitted it has been 4 years since he had any Christmas spirit.

The house looked amazing for Halloween -- and Sir Steve and the lil one laughed together as they cut out a pumpkin and they both went trick or treating.  Now we all get a month to plod along and then Christmas will start. It is time that more than the physical things get renovated and updated... it is time for the joie de vivre to return to this house -- bringing with it laughter and fun and love.

And that is a very good thing!
 

Missing

It may have only been 3 or 4 weeks that I've been under the weather -- and a couple of weeks of Sir Steve's knee problems..... but honestly it feels like forever.

We climb into bed -- and if I'm not hacking up a lung instantly -- and he's not trying to find a comfortable way to lie -- we just lie side by side barely touching.  Even our quiet after dark talks have dwindled off to nothing.  

After the cat has had her snuggles with him -- we kiss good night and turn the lights off.

This morning I was feeling as though we are reverting to best friends Or (worse than that) an old married couple.  

I am getting cranky 
I am getting bitchy
I need to be fucked

Now if I could just find some energy ..............