Isolation

I think I was lucky growing up - and as an adult - in that I was always considered one of the "cool" kids.  People just seemed to like me.  When I thought about it I never really understood why.... and to be truthful I never thought about it much.

I went to a munch last night.  I have always had a really good time - moving around talking to folks - socializing.  

BUT there has been some discussion recently on FL about newbies being worried about going to their first munch - feeling shy - and insecure.  I made a knee jerk comment to one post about everyone having been a newbie at one time or another .... and you have to take that first step.

Add to that some drama that is brewing over munches and preconceived  wrongs ........ and it all just started to grate on me.

When I go to the munches - I always sit with the "cool kids" - yeah I move around but was I really making a difference for someone new??? or for the ones that aren't one of the "cool kids"?? 

When I got to the munch last evening - everyone just started to group as they always do - cool kids in the middle and everyone else spread out from there.  I made a decision.  I was not going to sit with the "cool kids" this time  -- I was gonna move down the table and leave space between myself and the "cool kids" ........ and some things were said - teasing they would call it -- but it hurt me.  Is this what we do to people??!!!  IF you aren't part of the 'in crowd" you get ignored?? 

Well I spent the evening firmly living on the other side of "cool" .... it was a very uncomfortable place to be.  There was lots of laughter and talking going on at the other end of the table - and honestly I felt isolated.   Yes that is how I felt - it was not intended I am sure.. and if I had wanted I could have moved down the table and joined the conversation............ BUT that wasn't the point to my lil spur of the moment experiment.

It was probably the worst munch I have ever attended.  So much so - that I had been on the fence about cutting back on the munches I attend - and last night made up my mind for me.  Munches are NOT fun unless you are one of the "cool kids".  Munches can make you feel isolated and excluded.  And I can no longer be part of that mentality.

The Devil Incarnate

I have a long sordid history with squirrels....... and despite being a total pacifist -- if I had a gun I would shoot them!!!  (ok ok a paint gun - with pellets maybe)

Yesterday the damn squirrels nearly drove me to distraction.  I had swept the balcony and found a lot of dirt -- a LOT of dirt -- from my fairy garden on the ground.  I glanced at the potted garden and all seemed fine....... except for a couple of rather limp looking plants.

I repotted them - and made sure they were all tucked in nice and safe and continued on with my day.

Mid afternoon Miss Ashes was going crazy -- bouncing all over the living room.  

I came to see what was wrong.  There were not one - not two - but THREE squirrels on my balcony .... two sitting on the table with my fairy garden and one sitting on the back of a chair leaning into the garden.,

I banged on the window and clapped my hands to scare them away.  

I hadn't even got half way across the living room when they were back !!!  One of them - the one on the back of a chair - looked in the window at me and I swear he thumbed his nose at me!!!

I went out like a mad woman and scared them away.

When I looked - there were 3 plants lying dejected on the balcony...... and piles -- PILES -- of earth spread all over the table and my freshly swept balcony.  UGH!!

While I cleaned up the mess and replanted the wee plants my mind was searching for an immediate cure for squirrels (besides a gun) I know they don't like moth balls (but I didn't have any on hand) .. I know they don't like hot pepper sauce (but I didn't have any on hand).  What to do !!!  What to do!!  (besides bringing my pot inside)

Then I had a brilliant idea.

I do have Vick's Vapour Rub.  I went and found it and went back to the balcony.  I spread a thick layer of the Vick's around the edge of the pot........ put some on the ends / edges of my hanging plants... and then I spread it all over the railing of the balcony.

I came back inside and didn't have to wait long..... back came one squirrel.  I watched as he sniffed around the railing and boldly stepped through and scampered up the chair onto the table.  I held my breath.  I couldn't see him cause the plants hid him -- but all of a sudden he leapt off the table.......... ran through the railing to the grass and started rubbing his nose first with his paws then burying his nose in the grass and rubbing it back and forth.

I stood there smiling.  I do not know if I have stopped the squirrel attacks on my fairy garden -- but I do know that one devil squirrel will think twice before he comes a calling!! 


(Now all I have to contend with is the smell of Vick's Vapour Rub on the balcony and when the wind blows - in my living room  (sigh)

Pearl of Wisdom

Flying Floating

I  have been floating along -- loose and free -- rebellious a bit -- doing what I wanted - not always thinking it through.

One of the things I did was replace my old clit jewelry with what I bragged was "bigger is better".  If you want to read that entry it is HERE.   
My Piercer told me / warned me it was too big ....... but I was in this 'mood' -- this 'I will do what I want' mind set.  

Well he was right - of course.  The ring was too big - and I have had more than one "wardrobe malfunction" .  BUT more than that - when I would catch a glimpse of it getting in or out of the shower - I didn't much like it.  BUT pride would not let me admit I had made a mistake.

Over the last few weeks - things have been settling down inside me.... I like to think someone has reached up and tentatively caught hold of the drifting string dangling from me - and started to pull me down - reel me in.  

Last Friday I had a chance to speak with my Piercer and told him my dilemma - he just kinda smiled and shrugged - much like a parent does when the child admits it has made a mistake.  So yesterday I went down to BlackStar Piercing and had the large ring removed and a much smaller more delicate ring put in.  This time there was no fanfare - no girlfriends tagging along to watch and take pictures.  Just me correcting a mistake.

I came home and looked at it in the mirror.  It just sorta peeks out -- it's not big and obvious and in your face .. it's what I like to think is more "lady-like" (if "ladies" actually had their clits pierced)

Yes it certainly feels like I am finding my way back to my roots -- back to who I really am.

  

Monday Writers Block

I feel as though there are changes happening in my life --  definitely am not ready to talk about it........ 

BUT 

I do feel there is much to look forward to - what ever comes next.