Critique!

It was.. for lack of a better word..... an interesting weekend......

A week or so ago i convinced Sir that his blog needed updating.. and so i went to work and updated his blog.. adding a new heading picture (which i happen to LOVE !!) Since then he has been too busy to post anything... Well this weekend i pointed out to him - oh so very subbie like - that it depressed me to see the same sad post from way back in April on his brand spanking new blog layout. So......... Sir went to work to post a new upbeat entry.. and ohhhhh my god !!! ever heard of "Murphy's law"?? well it took all weekend .. much cursing and swearing and sweating .. and my offering to reload his old layout .. before Sir finally got the whole thing working again.......... If you get a chance check out the new improved look of Sir’s Place...... as well as some pretty spring time "pictures" !!! (may i say OUCH!!!??)

BUT that was not what i really want to post about today....... i rattled Sir's cage a wee bit by saying i was going to post a "critique" of the weekend's activities.. but mostly what this post is about is... "be careful of what you wish for"... (terrible english but you catch the drift)

On Saturday while Sir and i were hoofing it around the garden centers getting all the supplies i needed to work on the gardens.. i leaned over to Him and whispered "i am SOOOOO horny" Now please note.. most of the time Sir is very generous with my orgasms.. i only have to ask and i receive. So when we got home.. some time later.. He proceeded to .. ummm.. play with me sexually. i muttered (ok ok shoot me now !!) how i LOVE to be teased. Sir replied .. with a lifted eyebrow.. "Oh really??!!" and promptly stopped.

Stop and start and repeat was the practice for the day........

By Sunday i was thinking ok this isn't fun anymore !!! When Sir was using the tawse (yes the damn tawse again !! it was the toy of choice for the weekend!!) i was finding it very very difficult not to beg for an orgasm.... there is no polite way of putting this.. i was dripping wet and dying .. DYING i say!! .. for an orgasm. Sir was doing his outmost best to torture my pussy.. he was using the tawse between my legs.. he was pinching my pussy.. tugging and pulling on my clit jewelry and flicking it in a most evil way.

i was .. i thought.. doing everything in my power to ask him (oh so very subtly for an orgasm). i was wiggling my butt at him.. i was moaning ecstatically with every pinch, tug, flick. It got to the point that i was nearly out of my mind with need. ( i have read that before somewhere.. and thought .. oh yeah.. sure !! trust me it is possible to be nearly out of one's mind with need !!) i was so needy.. so wanting.. that when Sir (ugh i hate to even think about this !!) teased my asshole i was praying He would .. well WOULD .. cause even that was better than nothing. BUT He didn't !!

Not one orgasm the whole weekend.. not one!! And now it is Monday and Sir has left to go and attend to work and the usual vanilla week long business.. and i am left feeling ... cranky believe it or not! very very cranky.. and all because i was stupid enough to say "i love being teased".... i will learn !! (or will i?? )

something wicked this way comes..

The other day i used a term "evil" lightly... and i realized that for some it has a completely different connotation. EVIL is a term drakor and i bat back and forth in describing what we look for in a Dominant.


Evil not as in satanistic stuff.. as in decapitated bodies... or blood guts and gore..
Evil for us is more about Dominants who have an imagination.. who can take our fantasies and expound on them... taking them (and ultimately us) beyond the limits we believed we had..


Evil was last night... after a day of being "garden slave" digging and turning winter hardened soil, planting plants, transplanting others, coming in hot and sweaty and tired .. muscles screaming.. and Sir insisting on a session with only the tawse... and all my fluttering of eyelashes.. pleading and begging for.. at the very least a warm up.. before the slap slap of the leather... went unheeded.. Evil was getting me totally accustomed to the rhythm of the tawse slapping cross wise across my ass then hitting the sweet spot.. then hitting the backs of my thighs.. Evil was moving to stand so the straps of the tawse would hit lengthwise down my ass, sneaking into the cracks hitting my asshole and pussy.. leaving me gasping and crying and pleading ........ and ignoring those pleas and tears... Evil was asking me why i was kneeling up rather than remaining bent over the ottoman.... where the ass is more accessible to the leather straps.


That is what evil is for drakor and i ..........


And .. i discovered writing this blog entry that there are at least 2 sites with quizzes that let you check how evil YOU are..........


how evil are you test 1

how evil are you test 2

And my result from test 1............... (yikes!! i am starting to doubt the "evilness" in the story i am working on for the Fictional blog !!)

You Are 34% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

humiliation play

i was ... well.... challenged to write a fictional story from the dominant's point of view. drakor and i have been talking - as we often do - about the lack of evil dommes and from those chats came the challenge. i have had from time to time rather evil thoughts about what i would do as a dominant. i have even tried a couple of times to dom drakor (thank goodness he is a good friend and a switch) and both attempts were dismal failures.

i let the ideas for this story swirl around in my head for days and yesterday i sat down and started to write. (and no don't look for it yet on the Fictional Journey - i am only due to post there on the June 1st)

In writing this story i learned a few things about myself..... if i let my imagination go.. and just write the ideas in my brain... i can be quite evil.. but then i pause and wonder if i am really "evil" or just evil in my opinion?? On paper (so to speak) i have no trouble being mean and saying mean things, it flows easily - until that is i reread what i had written. Then i am plagued with doubts. Do i sound too mean?? Am i being too cruel?? OH MY GOD.. this could actually hurt someone's feelings !!! do damage !!! and i found myself hitting a wall - bigger then any writer's block.

Then i started to question where these mean words came from......... from me?? Somewhere inside there is a very mean cruel me??? i couldn't write another word.. i just hung there..

So i did what i always do when i am worried about something.. i sent the half written story to Sir.. and asked Him if it was appropriate.. if i should continue or tone it down.. or toss it completely. The shock i felt at the words i had written is still surprising me this morning.. i reread what i had written and thought to myself - probably most would find it normal at best.. tame at worst.. yet it still makes my stomach churn....

Is it like that for a new dominant.. the first time they actually inflict pain on another?? Do they worry about it? Do they worry they have gone too far??? Do they want to crumble immediately and snuggle with their "victim" and be reassured themselves that all is "right with the world"??

If nothing else .. the exercise of writing this story has taught me being a Dominant is not an easy job.. it is something that must come naturally from within.. and they shouldn't be constantly second guessing every action they do......

It also taught me that i am so far from being dominant that it isn't even funny.... so much for the pipe dreams of one day owning a house slave to do all the ding dang house work around here and freeing me up to do the things i like best.........

submissive by nature and nurture that's me..........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
editorial note: this story i am struggling with ..may still turn up on the Fictional Journey on the 1st of June.. it is in Sir's hands and up to Him if i continue writing... also it will probably be written / posted in at least 2 parts .. because it takes a lot of words to sound evil (cheeky grin)

Fantasy or reality??

In my post on Sunday about the difficulties of finding a balance between BDSM and vanilla life.. there were 2 excellent comments that really (i feel) deserve to be answered in a post..

The first was Buffalo. He wrote:
My phrasing of this question may be lacking in clarity so ... Is a 24/7/365 life of anything desirable? Would that not lessen the intensity and, thus, the pleasures taken and make it mundane?

There is a big part of me that fully understands and agrees with Buffalo....... doesn't ANYTHING 24/7 365 days of the year eventually become mundane / boring??

BUT having said that....... and knowing myself as well as i do.. i have to say.. BDSM hasn't - after all these years - become boring.. there is always one more thing i want to try.. one more limit to push.. the very act .. or need to push those limits can become addictive... as much as - or more than - the endorphin rush.

Sometimes i let that need.. that desire.. rule my mind and my life.. i want it all and i want it NOW! i find myself looking ahead at the weekends.. at the activities that are planned and wishing Sir and i could just lock ourselves away for those precious 48 hours or so we have together.. It just isn't enough time !!! And that need/desire has been my undoing. It has made me cranky and irritable and wishing for something more........ the simple protocols that we have aren't enough....... i realized i wanted the impossible dream........some fantasy life.

That is what is wrong.. allowing the fantasy of what could be.. ruin the moments that are. Once i had given myself a little attitude adjustment.. once i took a good hard look at myself and my desires.. and put my fantasies on the shelf where they belonged.. they can fuel my Fictional Journey .. not my REAL journey.... since then .. things have been rolling along smoother and i am a much happier more contented sub.........

It has nothing to do with 24/7 365.. it has a whole lot more to do with fantasy versus reality... i think.




and the second was my dear friend drakor who wrote:
My writings are of a perfect fantasy so it could be 24/7/365 but you and I know some components of life stop the possibility of what we want. In short first I would have to find a Dominant that is close to being evil hmmm well there goes that pipe dream (LOL).

AS far as the intensity buffalo, it is not all about the intensity it is more about the calm of slavery that attracts

now drakor.. dear friend........ i wonder why it is that female Dommes seem to be so... umm.. unevil?? i would love to have a female Domme comment on that.. because as you know .. i have to agree with you.. the Dommes we have seen together.. that you have experienced.. that we have watched together.. seem to leave something to be desired.

IF you did find an evil Domme drakor.. do you think that your fantasies would intimidate Her just a little?? Sometimes i think my fantasies/demands on Sir may have - not intimidated Him - but maybe stalled His creative thought process a little bit. A different type of performance anxiety. AND no matter how hard i try to rationalize it .. it is just a little bit like topping from the bottom....... i think.

But i do have to sort of disagree with you about the calmness of being a slave......... it is reassuring to turn over total control....... but isn't that more in fantasy land?? especially if the slave must work outside the house. IT is calming to know one's place.. but infrequency makes it difficult to find that calm place easily. And if the slave is always finding himself/herself dissatisfied with what the Dom/me is doing.. how evil they are or aren't... wishing and hoping for something that isn't .. how calm is that??

i prefer to say i enjoy the challenge of being a slave/submissive.... the anticipation.. and yes even the balancing act... which is quite truthfully .. anything but calming.. challenging maybe.. calming nope - not for me....

and for some reason..... after writing all these thoughts/words/ musings.. i have this song running through my head (NO Sir.. not Alice the Camel!!)

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, hes got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes
So any time your gettin low
stead of lettin go
Just remember that ant

Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

when writer's block hits....

EUREKA !!! i have found the solution to "writer's block" (not that i suffer from that very much!!)

Just click on the pencil or paper below and have fun....... i have a feeling this "game" will be moved to the more appropriate blog The Fictional Journey.

adopt your own virtual pet!

And as i am away at meetings all day well into the night........ any more substantial entry will have to wait for another day........ but both drakor's comment and Buffalo's comment on...A Great Balancing Act.... made my brain start working again.. so there will be another post on intensity 24/7 365 pros and cons in a day or two........