Good News

Through all the turmoil there have been some positives,..............


1)  I had my  cancer recheck last week - and I am 3 months cancer free !!!

2)  I have enrolled for another photography class starting on the 9th of Sept

3)  I have joined the local Y and have been working out - gonna work up to 5 days a week - haven't reached that goal yet - but am SO close - did 4 days this week

The Gift of "seeing" (edited for clarity)

I have had the most amazing comments and support and I thank you all .. your words touched me in ways you can never know..........

BUT  yesterday I received a message from a chap I have met once (maybe twice). His words were supportive and strangely comforting.  I sent a message back - And then something happened - a bit like opening a gift and being totally surprised............

A little back information first..........
Over the last year here I have begun to feel old - really old... comments to my face about how old I am - comments about being out of shape...pictures of myself that seem to ram home all those things - have brought me to the brink of despair - AND - believe it or not had me  actually looking at procedures like botax injections - and even going so far as pricing face lifts (none of which I can afford) and because I can't afford them - just sent me spiraling even lower.

I have felt myself growing invisible.

BUT in the last message from this chap - he pointed out no matter how this affair (Ok editing out 'affair' because of the possible misunderstanding ) 'journey' may turn out - I have good friends to help me through -

AND
he pointed out some of my traits......... mostly cerebral - but I needed to hear them and at the very end of the message - to lighten the mood a little - he added "and you have a great rack" 

I laughed out loud.

And I found my spirits lifting.............. yeah I know he was just making me smile - but for the first time in a long long time someone had noticed me!  I felt like a woman again.. a sexual being - not so invisible anymore.

And it was an amazing feeling and an amazing reminder...........
I am a woman and age and wrinkles and being out of shape and a little overweight can't - WON'T - change that! 

Thank you

What/Who am I??

What/who am I now??

I still wear his collar - my slave ring - my piercing.  

But I have no idea what I am now....... 

a housewife?
a roommate??
a sister??
a pain in the ass??

Me

"it's hard to wait around for something that might never happen...
BUT it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know I have been away for a long time.. I know I haven't answered any of your messages....

I am feeling lost - this blog is supposed to be BDSM based - but there is virtually no BDSM in my life now........ it disappeared here...........just woke up one morning to find out that W didn't get any pleasure any more from beating me - didn't desire it - it just didn't fill a need anymore

My love for W hasn't changed.  My desire for him hasn't changed.  

 I struggle with trying to live this life - whatever this life is.............

Through the Looking Glass

These last few days/weeks I have felt like I have stepped/fallen/been pushed through the looking glass ................

My 'Journey' has gone side ways - or perhaps it has gone backwards - or perhaps it is just very topsy turvy.

I do know that this is a good time to step back from this blog...I am caught in some maze and can't find my way out.......... 

IF/when I do -- I'll come back................

Nonsense

Crazy Weekend

 Boldt Castle (from the water)

We had a crazy weekend (to put it mildly)  On Friday night we went to a munch.  A friend from out of town showed up and asked if he could "bunk out" on our couch for the night.  None of us slept that well and were up with the sun drinking coffee on the front deck at 6:00.......... By 8:30 am said guest had packed up his motor bike and headed off...By 8:45 am W asked if I wanted to go visit Boldt Castle (which involves a boat cruise)  

W booked the tickets on line (thank god) and at 9 o'clock we were rushing around throwing on clothes grabbing cameras and gear and heading off to pick up a quick breakfast and drive the 30 minute drive to the boat dock to catch the cruise which left at 10 am!!!

We were the last passengers to board with a good 3 minutes to spare.

A little history for those of you who have no idea what Boldt Castle is or the story behind it.  In 1900 George C Boldt (owner of the Waldorf Astoria Hotel) decided to purchase Heart Island - one of the 1000 Islands and build a castle for his wife - a monument to the love of his life.  Stonemasons, artists, carpenters ( a total of 300 workers) set to work to build a 120 room castle complete with tunnels and a draw bridge - Italian gardens - a tower play house (for their daughter).  Just 4 years after construction was begun - it was stopped.  His wife had died suddenly.

The castle was left as is for over 70 years when finally the Thousand Island Bridge Authorities gained control / ownership of Heart Island and started restoring and finishing Boldt Castle.

And that is where we landed up on Saturday around noon.  It is a most impressive castle - and buildings.  Hell the "boat house" is nicer than most homes...........

Two hours to explore the castle was not nearly enough time............ we didn't get to the outbuildings or the gardens ........  I think my favourite parts were the upstairs where there has been no restoration - just bare bones waiting for the Boldt's builders to finish.....

Here are just a few of the shots I took of Boldt Castle .............

heading to the front doors....... 

one's eyes travel up up up .....

to the stained glass ceiling

  the following are just random arty farty shots

the children's play house

After 2 busy hours of trying to take in as much as possible we were back on the cruise ship heading home.......... 

Boldt Castle is the stuff fantasies are built on.......

Sunday Sentiments

from Alice in Wonderland

Now if I could just find the directions

H.O.G.

They say ya learn something new every day.  Well last weekend at the Harley Rally I learned that HOGS - which I always thought was plain old slang for motorcycles - actually stands for Harley Owners Group.  Wow who knew?? ok most of you I am betting - I am just a slow learner 

Anyway I did take pictures of the bikes - my "artsy fartsy" style...........

they also had motor cross riders doing tricks and stunts which mesmerized me - never seen them in real life and when I have seen them on television I tend to switch channels......