What/who am I now??
I still wear his collar - my slave ring - my piercing.
But I have no idea what I am now.......
a housewife?
a roommate??
a sister??
a pain in the ass??
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Maybe, for now....you are just His??
ReplyDeletehugs abby
You are just YOU, warts n all. All you can be, and way more, if I get any sense of you from reading here it is that you are one amazing lady, you have inspired me often with the truth of your journey, I'm sure you will continue to do that, whatever direction that journey takes. Big hugs while you figure it out, if you need to do that, if not sit back and enjoy the ride, you will get there eventually, wherever there may be.
ReplyDeleteTwo thoughts, really.
ReplyDelete1) don't allow yourself to be defined by him. Regardless of his actions or changed needs, you're still a submissive (or however you previously defined yourself). You still have needs.
2) In all of this, while I am seeing that he has lost the desire to hurt you, I am not seeing anything about a lack of love. Abby is right - at the base of it all, even before this, you were his, pure and simple. That that love found its expression through the BDSM that you both loved, is in some ways irrelevant - you said it yourself, you tried to do BDSM with other people in that time you spent apart, but ultimately it failed, and I think because the love wasn't there.
I would suggest you focus on the love. give him the space to figure out what is going wrong with him. If he feels that the lack of desire to beat you is permanent, then you can take action, but in the meantime, don't define yourself by him. You... in fact, ALL women, are greater than that, greater than being defined by the men in their lives.
good luck - its not an easy path you have ahead of you by any means, but you can do this.
*hugggggggggggssss*
keth
xx
Love you comment keth..so much truth.
ReplyDeletehugs abby