Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Truth about growing older.....
Ok.. it is OUR truth about growing older.. and may not apply to you or yours...... but kaya asked about our bodies giving out before the kink.. and how it will (DOES) affect us.......
The truth of the matter is .. there are already loads of problems with aging bodies.. and i am not even sure how to explain the "joys" of aging.. (without depressing myself.. Sir and everyone else!!) i said i had asked Sir's permission to have this frank discussion.. because quite truthfully - it is ok for me to talk about my old body.. but i wasn't entirely sure Sir would want me to be as honest and open about His problems....... BUT... Sir agreed.. so i am gonna try and tackle this discussion.. the best way i know how........
i have noticed some major changes in my physical appearance....... like lines and wrinkles .. thinner hair... drooping boobs.. sagging muscles.. (and yeah yeah i know i should exercise more !! it would help - and i do keep promising myself i will start..) but my god my days are long enough now... up at 5:30 working out of the house till 5:00pm most days..... dragging myself home..to clean and do laundry and run the other business i own and operate.. When i talk to the doctor about this tiredness.. her answer is.. compared to what?? and when i am forced to admit to a few years ago.. she is quick to point out i was a few years younger then......... that i have done nothing to cut back on my scheduling.. and so this weariness is to be expected !!! i have trouble accepting that... i just need 36 hour days and i am sure i could fit everything in...... as well as some time on the treadmill !!
So.. the tiredness makes playing difficult to schedule.. if it is after 9 pm i am pooped (yes even on the weekends) and i would be much happier playing in the middle of the day........ going out to clubs and play parties is hardly exciting anymore... as they don't open until 10pm.. and most don't start "playing" until midnight or later.. by that point i am so ready for bed !!! and when i am tired i get weepy.. or worse - cranky !!!
My joints hurt... and that is to be expected.. i was diagnosed a few years back (ok more than a few years) with arthritis in my lower spine and both knees .......
So intricate bondage ties are out of the question.. like hog ties... the joints just don't bend like they have to for such difficult ties... and that is a huge disappointment for Sir.. i know !!! Also with arthritis in the lower spine.. flogging my cute lil ass becomes a lesson in target practice... cause if you hit the arthritic area i shout and cry and curse....... cause it hurts and not even close to a good hurt.
My skin is dryer .. VERY dry.. and scaley and no matter what fancy creams and lotions i buy.. i just barely keep it moisturized.. dry skin cracks and bleeds .. and is soooooooo unattractive !!!
So far this has not become a problem with any form of kink.. unless you count my ugly scaly body being a total turn off.. it is for me !!!
i now have high blood pressure - and take pills daily for it.. it is controlled and nothing to worry about anymore.. but hanging upside down makes my head spin more than usual.. and is worrisome.. cause i can feel the blood pressure going up..
This became even more clear at the BDSM B&B Sir took me to for my birthday..... Sir was so excited to see they had a winch and suspension and couldn't wait to hang me upside down... BUT because of the health issue.. had to leave my head and shoulders on the ground.......... big disappointment for both of us
And i have noticed a waning in my sexual desire........ ok ok.. not a huge waning.. but still......... where i used to be horny - dripping wet .. aching horny - every single day !! Now i find i can go a week or two without any real aching desire for sex.....
the doctor says it is a normal reduction in libido due to post menopause .. and nothing to be concerned about.. with a little work it all comes back........ "a little work" .......... it was so much more fun when i needed NO work.. and was ready and able at the snap of a finger !!!
This is turning out to be a plus ......... as Sir's libido has dwindled much more than mine....... and He rarely thinks about it (well i am not sure about the 'thinking' bit).. but rarely seeks out any form of sexual activity - i will discuss that in a bit....
Sir's health has been problematic for a few years - even before i met Him. He is diabetic and has a heart condition. He takes handfuls of pills 3 times a day. He takes His blood sugar readings 3 times a day. He has had to have His gall bladder removed. His doctor watches His kidneys and liver closely - due to the diabetes. It is a worry for both of us.. not in a constant nagging way... but it is always in the back of our minds.
Between His health issues and His age......His sex drive has dwindled.......... and lately He can not achieve an erection. AND because of the heart issues has not been allowed to take Viagra or any other magic lil pill.
These issues have caused troubles for Sir and His kinky side. He has tried to explain (and done it quite well actually) how when He is beating my ass.. or sticking needles in me.. or any other kinky activity....... His mind tells Him He is horny - aroused and needing to fuck me. Yet no matter what we try.. even my very best blow jobs - nothing seems to help Him realize a full erection - or be able to maintain it.
You can well imagine how difficult this situation makes it for both of us. It is one of the main reasons i feel any session with Sir is for me.. more than for Him. i question what He gets from it .......... other than the pleasure of seeing me contented and purring like a cat. His body is telling Him He has a need - and yet the need can not be fulfilled.
The doctors have now told Him .. that He is allowed to try Viagra. They even gave Him a prescription for it... which He filled. However He has not opened the package. We talked about that last week. His mind is full of doubt and worry. And it is to be expected. What if the pills don't work??? that would take away the last hope of being able to fuck me.......... What if He takes the pill and has chest pains......... then He can't take the nitrates needed to ease the pain/heart problems. It is a mental exercise in frustration.
As well ........... because of His heart attack.. Sir's sleep patterns are very different from mine. He needs 4 - 5 hours a night........ and often times doesn't come to bed till the wee hours of the morning. He is ready to play around 9 - 10 pm.. while i am heading off to bed. Now that is a real headache !!!
i have wracked my brain to see if i have covered it all......... probably not.. i have probably missed something........... BUT life becomes more challenging as one ages (in every aspect of living)....... ya just gotta try and find ways to overcome the challenges.. and compromise. And thank the gods that be that you are given yet another day to fight the good fight........ no matter the challenges.