Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Burst the bubble

i received an email yesterday - from a sub - who had read something on fet life they wanted to share with me. So far so good... and as emails from friends is about the only way i read fet life anymore.. it wasn't a bad thing.

the line he sent me went something like this: "a submissive was forced to walk naked for two blocks to the store to pick up some cigarettes."

i read that line and thought to myself .. fantasy fantasy fantasy !! In this day and age no one could walk NAKED for two blocks without being picked up by a cop.. or enter a store naked?? and not have the salesgirl run screaming from the shop???

Anyway all of that is not really the point of this blog... i have been thinking recently how less stressed i am... less pouty i am... less whiny i am... now that i do not equate a good session with hanging from the chains in the basement or being strung up on the cross.

i have come to realize that i have grown out of the need for S/M (stand and model) but our translation of it. It all seemed so important that our life be all around humiliating me.. using me.. hanging me from the chains.. having me naked..

i wanted to model our life after some movie .. some book.... some bit of fantasy..some idealistic version of BDSM. (and i think Sir does/did too... especially when He lands up feeling so often that He is not domming me enough..... enough by whose standards?? some fantasy standard ??!! pffffft on that !!)

BUT it doesn't work that way. And once you come to the realization that BDSM is not about toys and equipment and way out there ideas of service and humiliation then you can get on with real life.

It was a bit like bursting my bubble when i realized it. And it has taken me more than a few weeks to reconcile myself to the fact that there is no fantasy BDSM land. There is no place that slaves are sold (for real) on auction. No limit slaves do not exist. 24/7 does not exist. And in the few cases were folks claim they are living it........... then they are living in a fantasy world. (and yeah i know i am probably stepping out on a very wobbly limb here saying that)

BUT Cloud and Sir and i had this discussion last Friday - at our coffee klutch - about how it is so much easier to live BDSM when one is surrounded by BDSM folk: ie. at a BDSM camp for a few days - or at a club for a few hours. Where the world is shut away and the energies flow.. and everyone feeds off this energy.

But .. back home .. safe and sound within your own four walls... the energy dwindles down to what works for you ........... and sometimes that it is a quick spanking before bed... or a quick wham bam thank you ma'am fucking over a kitchen counter.

In my opinion it doesn't matter how many toys you have.. how big your dungeon is.. or how well equipped it is.. What should matter is how well you incorporate the BDSM lifestyle into the here and now !!

And so i have been thinking....... why is it we have a well equipped dungeon in the basement.. with a St Andrew's cross.. a spanking bench.. a kneeling bench.. a pony and chains from the ceiling.. with Sir's spanking toys taking up more than one full wall now - when we haven't been down there to play in months !!! Our play takes place where ever it suits Sir... which is mostly in the living room. Even when we hold parties - no one goes downstairs to the "play room" .. they play in the living room... (when and IF they even bother to play)...... so why oh why do we have a dedicated room to BDSM??? Doesn't that mean that BDSM can't come upstairs???

i am thinking.......... it is time to convert that room in the basement to something a whole lot more functional.... and perhaps put the BDSM into a cupboard ... easily accessible - like Sir's subbie - always there.. always accessible - just not in your face !! Isn't it time to face a new challenge of really incorporating BDSM into a way of life .. with a liberal mix of vanilla???

Isn't it time to live in the real world and leave the fantasy behind??

Isn't that more the reality of BDSM?? Isn't that more the reality of 24/7 BDSM??


  1. Hear ye! Hear ye! Singing MY song!! I read these things and just HOWL ... the only thing that makes me laugh more (and yeah, probably step on toes here too) is those who "model" themselves after Gorean models. My god, the man couldn't even string together a literate sentence!

    Maybe because d. and I never played outside (his choice), or the reality that our dynamic was so long-term, but I never really got caught up in whether it "fit" the agreed upon "model" - and in fact at various points have raved on how BDSM relationships are in thesmselves as unique, individual and varied as any OTHER kind of relationship.

    if you have a dungeon in your basement... wondering what your girls thought of it??

  2. Well isn't that intriguing -- That making BDSM into something that really is a 24/7 lifestyle causes us to normalize it, and bring it up out of the basement. It seems obvious, when I think about it, that when this is the "normal" mode of your life, it tends toward the simple, the mundane, the everday, the ordinary -- and loses the tinge of freakish and outlandish that so fires the imagination of the porn driven outside world.
    Congratulations on arriving there, and thank you for putting this "language" around the phenomenon.

    hugs, swan

  3. WHile most of what you say I agree with the idea of dismantling a dungeon send shivers up my spine. Yes it might be used less but hold sentimantal value for me. So I am a bit predjuice about it's removal. Much like removal of a historical site. If I had it I just use it more that of course is my opinion.

  4. i love this post... its one i needed to read because truthfully, things have been swirling around in my head alot lately... feeling like im not " good enough", i guess by the "standards " that i read about.. Masters and my situation is different than most, as i have stated before- we are long distance and only see each other 3-4 times a year... we do talk everyday though...i have my rules to live by daily, but other than that, things are very normal between us... life and responsibilities happen..but i get into these moods where i think He doesnt want or need me... maybe because of limited time or our activities....i feel like i should be draped over my bed on camera for Master 100 percent of the time- playing with every toy for Him, cumming a hundred times a day- proving that i am a "good slave". when in reality, He is taking care of His responsibilities and im taking care of mine, with our words bringing comfort to each other in, you really helped me.... today i really needed that help.... i was so sure all morning that this thing that Master and i have was not satisfying to Him- that He was bored with me... (even though time and again He has reassured me that He is happy with me and does want me.) we dont "have" to live up to any fantasy bdsm life... we only need to satisfy each other, in our own helped me know that i can stop fretting over not being a good enough slave to Him- because in His words i am....and when we need to work and take care of things we will- and when He wants me naked and playing and cumming a hundred times a day ( lol... yeah right- like i could even DO will remember that i am being a good slave to Him- the slave that HE wants me to be.

    thank you morningstar... lots of hugs to you..


  5. ohh, and dont get rid of your what if you dont use it all the time- it will be there when you do want to use it.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. Sorry about the deleted comment.

    for now ....

  8. I'm going to have to think more about this one even though W/we have discussed the subject before, now I think it is time to make a decision....

    Owner of morningstar

  9. folks i have to say i was dumb founded when i came home and read the comments and emails on today's entry.

    It started off as just this wisp of an idea.. and kinda took on a life of it's own once i got typing.

    You have all given me something more to think about.. and i think i will continue this topic a bit more.. flesh it out so to speak...
    and answer some of your questions....

    till then

    morningstar (owned by Warren)


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