Over the years there have been many discussions on safety words..... and the right to "just say no"....... but none touched me as much as the one on kaya’s blog .......
i was most definitely a little biased towards the "safe word" philosophy in this case - cause ya know - i HATE anal... i don't even see it as an option........ and so i read kaya's blog and thought dear god in heaven why did she allow THAT??
And then i got to thinking...... i was having my ass beat.. my breasts..... and my pussy with some nasty plastic beads that pleased Sir... He rather liked the dimpled effect they were leaving on all those private bits of mine....... He didn't much care that i was squawking and hollering about how it hurt........ how it wasn't fair......... and at one point He asked me .. He actually asked me !! ....... if i was ok.. if i was having fun........ and i realized no matter how much it hurt.. yeah i was having fun !! and yeah i was more than ok !!! which in my opinion is why submissives should never have safe words ........... cause it is just too easy to stop it... and my god.. think of what you would miss !! you might actually - in hind sight - realize you had fun !!! that you enjoyed what just happened !!!
And yeah there is a BIG difference between having my ass beat and kaya being ripped from stem to stern anally......... BIG massive difference...........
But is there.. really. Doesn't it all depend on where you and your Master are on the scale of things??
i was reading a Master's blog this week on Fet Life and He talked about being a Sexual Sadist...... i didn't get it.. is there a difference between a Sadist and a Sexual Sadist?? is there a difference between a masochist and a sexual masochist??
And this morning i thought about kaya's blog and the Fet Life blog entry and i realized there is a difference........ and i guess maybe Sir and i are not Sexual Sadists or masochists..... maybe?? The S/m experienced around here - is mostly related to pain.. plain old fashioned pain - no sex included......... and yet?? well i do rather enjoy pussy torture......... but then there is little or no sex involved with it........ (see i am going round and round in circles here - but i am pretty sure we aren't Sexual Sadists or masochists)...
Anyway........ getting back to the plastic beads and dimpled ass and safe words and "just say no" .. Sir moved right along after i had whimpered and cursed and shouted my way through them.... to the crop and finally the big bad evil wooden paddle............ the wooden paddle that leaves me gasping for air....... and with an ass that pulses for a long time after the toys have been stored away......... (in fact even this morning my ass has two very nice hard spots on each cheek) and i realized i do not want a safe word ...... do not want to be be able to "just say no"........... that's not what i signed up for..........
And despite what some may think...... that this bossy sub kinda rules the roost around here.. i don't........ i don't want rights... i want a Sir who does what He pleases....... how He pleases..... when He pleases........ and what works for us ..... may not work for you....... but ask me if i care!!
If you are interested - the picture above was 'stolen' from Sir’s blog about His latest acquisition and pride and joy....... the plastic chain!
Okay. Do you care?
ReplyDeleteWhat takes place behind closed doors is sometimes intensely private, when the individual puts into words their life or a single moment it is not always understood. There are as many lifestyles as there are people, some I understand others… not so much.
ReplyDeleteKaya’s is one that sent me running (top speed) the other direction. What are the basic rules…everyone knows them, say them to yourself then read her blog post again.
It doesn’t matter after the fact that she is ok, she was not at the time. If Master/ Owner can not stop they are not worthy of the submission freely given.
Should we care? Yes.
If small voices do not speak up then someone desperate for a submissive lifestyle could get themselves hurt or much worse.
pet......
ReplyDeletei think i should handle this in a blog post by itself... but until i get the time to do so.. i wanted to say something to you.......
i do NOT believe in safe sane and consensual - sorry but i don't. i believe more in risk aware whatever the rest is...... nothing we do or agree to is all that safe or sane... and when one is pushing limits it might not even be all that consensual......
when i said "ask me if i care".. i was referring to what people think of what Sir and i do...... not what people think of anyone else........
i dont have a safe word either... Master told me i could choose one if i wished, but after some thought i decided i didnt want that option... i trust Him with every part of me... i need Him to push me past my limits.. if i had a safe word i agree with you, i would miss out on sooo much by using it- and yes, i most likely would yell it out cause, shoot, stuff hurts...lol..
ReplyDeletethe ssc part- i believe in the safe part- but i know Master would never do anything to endanger my life or His... the sane part..lol... i dont think anything we do is to sane... seriously- whips, floggers, rope,nipple clips, toys stuck up in every hole??? how "sane' is that? lol.. the consent part- i consented to be His slave- His to do with as He desired... i dont think it needs to be addressed with every session... i am His every moment of every day.
i love your pictures... the marks left are lovely!
sorry if this isnt too indepth- its almost 1;30 am and im finishing up my sons laundry and i can barely keep my eyes open..lol. ( ya think they move out, but they come back at least once a week- with tons of laundry and a kiss...lol.)oh well, the life of a mom..lol.
hugs,
Hisflower
I full agree littleone , safe words are not fun they are a cop out. Of safe sane and consensual well for me consensual give control for the other two in the hands of the Dominant. If you do not trust then well I hate to mention if you are chained to a cross a word will not break your the chains .
ReplyDeleteAs far as finding a Dominant that will let go have have some evil fun by doing what they want and not what thee think the slave wants is difficult
smiles ... I think finbar made the differentiation partially because for he and I, it is pretty well impossible to separate sexuality from ANYTHING for us. It's always been a HUGE part of our relationship - and one we have stopped trying to apologize for or explain.
ReplyDeleteI do think there is a difference between a sexual sadist and a sadist - I mean, doesn't it by definition mean sadism makes you sexually aroused? if you are a sexual sadist? Does a regular sadist get sexual pleasure from his sadism? or is it more cerebral? I know finbars', although sexual is also cerebral becuase often it is the simple reality of being ABLE to do what he wants to me that creates such a delicious sexual high for him - although conversely, it is also something he feels in his mind and spirit.
For me, even when it REALLy hurts- even when I don't THINK I am sexually aroused ... my body will tell a different story .... when I am hanging on becuase I KNOW it is what he wants, I think it is just my desire to please, but then he slides in and I'm so utterly THERE .... so aroused, so ready! So there you are - there are differences as you so spell out above ...