Tuesday, September 29, 2015

B. S.

ooops that should have read D/s not BS (as in Bullshit)

It's difficult to look on D/s now and not see it more as bullshit.  However I kinda challenged myself to draw a picture / or maybe plans on what a healthy D/s relationship should look like......... because I know - KNOW - some folks have a healthy D/s relationship and it works -- for them -- for years............ though I must admit I would love to see a 24/7 D/s relationship that works for ...... forever!!  Can't think of - or find too many of them.... but if you are reading this and have had a D/s relationship that works well and has been in existence for years (like more than 15 years) do step up and tell me.....

See I keep wondering what went wrong with our D/s (I have to say "our" cause you just can't have a D/s without the D -- or the s part of the equation).

I wanted D/s - wanted it bad!!  Said I could handle it !!  It was just what I wanted.  It made perfect sense to me - one person in charge one person following - no chance of bickering right ???!!!  Things would run smoothly right???

D/s seems to come with rules.  The rules can be short and sweet or long and tedious.  BUT I believe if rule #1 really is "The Dom is always right" you got a problem - a big problem.  Cause no one person is ever always right.  AND I believe when wrong the Dom - as much as the sub - should apologise.  Not cloak themselves in the Dom title and pretend it didn't happen.

BUT this entry was not supposed to be about the ills of D/s - but what I imagine a good strong D/s relationship should look like / sound like/ be like.

I believe this D/s relationship should be more a symbiotic relationship - each depending on the other -- encouraging the other -- challenging the other -- growing and expanding together. 

I believe that there should be separateness in their togetherness - a time for both to explore and learn and grow.  I believe there should be a sharing of  those times.  I believe that the Dom should be strong enough to listen to their submissive and hear -- really HEAR -- what she has to offer.  

I believe the submissive should trust and value and respect  and maybe even love her Dominant.  She should not come to fear him because of the rules - or the inconsistencies.  I believe under the right conditions a submissive would walk through fire to please her Dominant - and know he would do the same for her.

I believe there should be "free times" when the submissive can speak her mind without fear of punishments or reprisals.  I believe the Dominant should be consistent and honest and loving and trustworthy. 

I believe that more than rules - they should have a code for both to live by.  A code that stipulates Honesty above all else -- Trust -- Respect.  

So that should the day come when -- for whatever reason -- the relationship ends -- neither one is left feeling less worthy -- less trusted.  Where each feels they have grown and learned and come away a better person. 

                                               D/s should be this ^^^^^^



abby said...

Love the poster and honesty, trust and respect...the cornerstone of all good relationships..but most important (in my opinion) in a D/s one. Master and I have been 'together' 13 years..almost 15:). We started out just as 'spanking friends'..D/s for 9...not 24/7. Much of what you wrote above applies to us... I must admit it took me a lot longer to get to the trust part that it took Him.
I am always in awe of how well He takes care of me....but also lets me be me....yesterday as i was leaving i said to Him...I am so lucky i decided to have that beer all those years ago...His reply....we are both lucky....both feeling lucky to have found each other....that is a part of a successful relationship.
You were one of the first D/s blogs i read when i started blogging....I wish you a.....relationship that finds you both thinking...I am so lucky to be here...hand in there, my friend...
hugs abby

Sue said...

I don't think that D/s or any other sort of relationship dynamic/style can "make us better people." That is up to each one of us. The dynamic can benefit from our personal efforts to be better people: more honest, more dedicated, more committed, more accomplished... But the dynamic does not have the power to do the needed work. Only we can do that; regardless of which side of the equation we may prefer.


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