My brother was down from Toronto and spent a few hours with me here - having coffee and chatting. He said something that stuck with me. He said (about a family discussion that had happened around his dinner table one evening) "well daughter and wife were worried about how you would adjust to living alone - BUT - I said you had lived alone for a long time before this ........ move........... to Kingston - so this was nothing new to you". I smiled and nodded and agreed with him.
BUT - I keep thinking - what am I waiting for??? cause that's what it feels like.... this living alone... like I am waiting for someone to come home.... or the holiday to end.... it's like I haven't quite figured out I AM alone (again). And this is the new beginning - what happens next is whatever I want to happen next.
I am still trying to figure out what foods to buy - what to eat for meals - when to go to bed and when to get up - and I tend to tip toe when I get up so I don't wake/disturb anyone - but there's no "anyone" to disturb! It all feels just a little weird.
Last week I decided I needed some sort of schedule - cause I have always done much better with schedules ! (don't forget I have only just retired - and always had a very strict stringent schedule before ) So I have started going back to the gym. I am shooting for 5 mornings a week for an hour then home to work (the new work from home job I have ) ...... It's a start!! Last week I did 3 days at the gym - but not an hour each day - 30 minutes at first and worked up to 45 minutes. This week I have (so far) been 3 days for an hour each. (YAY me!!)
OH I almost forgot - the big PLUS - the one thing I discovered (which I know sounds silly) I can masturbate any time of the day or night that I want !!! Last week when I was wiggling all over the chair while I tried to work - I realized I wasn't 1) hungry 2) tired 3) bored - I was HORNY. Dear god when was the last time I had sex??!! I couldn't remember - it had been THAT long. Masturbating is a poor man's substitute for the real thing - BUT - it's better than wiggling all over the chair right??
I had bought a very pretty wicker basket for my sex toys ....... and it was sitting on the shelf in my cupboard. I lifted it down like it was some "holy grail" for god's sakes !! What has happened to me??!! I used to LOVE sex....... especially with a partner - but we won't go there for now...... and when the partner was absent - or non-existent - I always had my vibrators .. my dildos.. my hitachi. That day was like ... how to explain it... like the sun broke through the clouds - a bright shining sunbeam. I could (and WOULD) masturbate any damn time I felt like it....... no more enforced chastity for me.
I am hoping this living alone will be like riding a bike - you never quite forget how to do it....... just takes a few tries to get your balance and the hang of it and then you are off!!
You are such an inspiration, morningstar. So glad that you--and your libido--are back!
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