Thursday, April 30, 2015

Toughen Up

You know it was once said - about me - that I am soft and sweet - BUT - push me too far and then you will see a side of me you never want to see!  

I know I have this spiteful side - I work very very hard to keep it in check - not to let it explode out of me cause dear god - I HATE that side of me........... 


I have spent the last few months feeling sick to my stomach - feeling as though everything was my fault - trying so damn hard to smooth ruffled feathers and hurt feelings - blaming myself.

BUT ........

I have had it 

Honestly had it - done!

I was told I was released on Fetlife - by a click of a button
I was told he was sorry on my blog - on Fetlife - on Facebook
Everything that was private and important I have been told on the net!  Not one word to my face.  

Today I read the "straw that broke the camel's back"
On Fetlife he wrote this:

Sir I am presently knot an active Sir, so I shouldn't be called that.. That title is reserved to the one who earns it....

I know that was directed at me.  Despite my best efforts NOT to call him Sir I still slip from time to time... hell that is all I have called him for 15 years... I am supposed to stop immediately and call him W.  which I don't think I ever called him - even in the very beginning.

I have avoided calling him anything - as much as possible - but I will admit every once in a while a Sir will slip out...
Now I have been informed in front of the world (so to speak) that I have not earned the right to call him that........ EARNED THE RIGHT??!!  ME??!!!

I think he has it all backwards now.. seems to me HE has to earn that right - to have anyone call him SIR he has to act like one 

There are a whole lot of names I could call him....... but I have refrained.... and in case you are getting all excited cause maybe - just maybe - there will be a flame war started here - forget it !  I don't DO name calling.  I am just saying .......... there are a whole lot of names I COULD call him... 

So's the warning.... I have gone from being this beaten up /broken lil subbie (and yeah you can call me subbie - submissive - slave - whatever the hell you want to cause I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that I AM SUBMISSIVE !) to a stand tall and proud speak her mind and damn the consequences submissive.  

I will repeat the picture from above just to make sure we are all on the same page.......


kaya said...

Actually I kind of took the status to mean that he was saying he hadn't earned the title. I figured there would be a fetlife name change coming.

But good. Get angry. It's about time.

Reaperscreature said...

I'm with Kaya.

And for the record, I have really admired the way you tried to cope, tried to compromise, tried to make it work, despite the fact that he seems to have been acting very selfishly for a long while.

I have "knot" been impressed by his comments to you online, because all it's looked like has been trying to save face.

Anonymous said...

Hugs. You're classier than i am lady. Being currently in the middle of something that is similarly unpleasant i pray i can show as much grace and kindness as you have. Currently i just want to dig a giant hole in the backyard. Love you lady, be gentle with yourself and don't whatever you do stop being you.


Lilac said...

I've been a lurker at your blog for a while already. I can imagine how you're feeling now. But I know that everything will be fine with you. Nothing is permanent in life.

I just want to let you know that you're a very beautiful and strong person.

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