Tuesday, April 01, 2014


I believe some time over the years I have been writing here, I mentioned how I was raised by a superstitious grandmother.......... from tea leaf readings to gypsy fortune tellers to old superstitious sayings I experienced it all.  And it is all very ingrained in me - part of me - as much a part of me as my blue eyes and my wrinkles.

A few years back I purchased Chinese Fortune telling sticks.  They are quite simple to work.  There are a stack of sticks (that look an awful lot like pick up sticks).  They stand in a bamboo cylinder.  Each stick has some oriental writing them - and an english number.  You tilt the cylinder and slowly shake it until one stick drops out.  You then take the number and find the fortune in the book that comes with the kit and read the corresponding fortune.

I admit I have been using them almost daily - hoping for a good reading - hoping for hope.  90% of the time I get advise on investments or being a good human or living a more Taoist life.  But every once in a while I get the most depressing / scary reading - that a serious illness will befall me - or that I will experience great pain - or that I will be ill for a long time - and the worst one of all - that I should prepare for death.

But there are days that I get a fortune that tells of a peaceful life - a long life - great joy - or that I am worrying for nothing.  I like those fortunes - they give me hope. 

And sometimes in the dead of night - when all the world is sleeping -  I pray.  Something I haven't done in years and years.  Childhood training - ask and ye shall receive - for a brief moment it brings me peace - but just for a brief moment.

Last Tuesday I had the uterine biopsy done.  My doctor spent a goodly amount of time talking to me before hand - being positive - trying to bolster my spirits.  In the moment it worked.  But a week later I think 'he was just doing what doctors are supposed to do - take some of the worry away - for now'.  And I wonder if his words are no different than my Chinese fortune sticks -  my prayers - faint hope.

Superstitions - clinging to some primaeval hope that magic will make it all go away - make me better.............



Anonymous said...

Stay positive and keep praying. I know Morningstar, its easy for me to say as I'm not in your shoes right now. But I believe with all my heart that positive thinking as well as positive visualization helps. Will keep sending good thoughts and prayers your way!


abby said...

Whatever gets your through another day...or even another minute...is good. Been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
hugs abby

Sharon S said...

Morningstar, Along with Joyce and so many more I continue to send you positive energy. I pray every day and sometimes throughout the day not only for my family but also for you. I know that prayer is something that everyone does not agree with but in my darkest hour it has brought me comfort.

I agree with Joyce, positive thoughts and energy affect our minds and our bodies.
Worry destroys. Leave those Chinese sticks alone! Focus on the things in your life that bring you joy; pull positive energy from the things and people you love. Live!

Hugs to you and W, Sharon

Sue said...

You will "know" the results of the biopsy soon enough. And, then ... what exactly will you know? Whatever that test result tells you, you will still only have this day. You will, when you know the answer, make the decisions that fit your life and your hopes. You will seek out the care that you need. And whatever "they" tell you, you will be surrounded and held up by the love of family and friends -- just as you are this day.

Shake your sticks and pray and do whatever gives you comfort. Do whatever it takes to keep the energy sapping worry at bay. Hold fast to the things that give you joy -- they are the very best medicine in any event.


little monkey said...

That's You yourself, Joyce, Abby, Sharon, and me. I know you have family close, and lurkers afar who are doing the same...

"I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you." Matthew 18:19.

I dont know if it's God, Goddess, or something else entirely, but that passage is a promise. You have a small multitude of people praying for you, try and on to that thought in the dark of the night.

Hugs kelly

Popular Posts