Saturday, October 08, 2011

In the early morning rain................



Except it isn't raining.......... but it is another early morning (ok ok Buffalo - no it's not 3:45 but it's still "f...ing" early) 

A body needs at least some part of their life where there is no stress..... one part!!  Otherwise it would seem - sleepless nights and headaches and stress take over....... 

I am feeling a helluva lot like I have no safe haven these days....... even my inner zen garden isn't working all that well  (Mind you....... it must be doing some good as I haven't killed anyone yet - or even handed anyone their head on a platter)

I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place......... with nowhere to turn....... It's not a nice place to be........ 

My daughters are having problems - eldest with her ex - youngest with ..... well I guess with me.......... At work my staff (rumour has it) want me to get "sick" again and disappear from their happy sappy lil lives - so they can pretty much do what they want - how they want - when they want.  


With W I feel as though I am (inadvertently) pushing him about this whole damn Dom/sub crap........ and I don't mean to... never intended to........ 


It feels like I have nothing happy to write about here....... and I so don't want this to turn into a bitching ranting blog.......


I just feel right now.... in this moment ..... at 4 am that I have nowhere to turn...... no refuge from the storms that rage around me.....and that is a pretty scary place to be....... 


Even pretty fall flowers found on my dining room table - from W of course - did very little to lift my spirits.......


4 AM is a pretty dark dismal place to be.

4 comments:

abby said...

After every 4AM the sun rises, and there is light. Trite, I know, and I know how it feels to be in your place...so.HUGSSSS.
abby

Vixen4770 said...

As to pushing your Master? When you feel you have no control in other parts of your life, you push for SOMEONE to have some, hence why you are pushing him. Remember, this won't last forever, and then you'll be bored! HUGE HUGS

I'm usually just a lurker, but I've been down this path and it blows when you're on it.

sarah thorne said...

The warmth of the sun is not far away...

sarah

viemoira said...

If you figure out a cure for the headache insomnia thing I sure hope you write something because I am having the same - for many nights. I thought maybe it is the weather change partially...