Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Extreme versus Acceptable

I was asked the other day to help someone understand the difference between extreme BDSM and acceptable BDSM.

Initially I thought this will be easy........ I definitely know the difference.  

But the more I tried to explain the difference - the more mired in definitions I became.

For example - needle play is not extreme to me....... but to a beginner they would think (for the most part ) that I needed my head examined.

But for me there is something soothing/calming about having needles stuck in my body....... and sometimes it can be rather beautiful  (by my definition)

On the other hand hook suspension is extreme - right??? 

BUT it probably isn't extreme to those who enjoy it.  In fact I know someone personally who LOVES hook suspension.  And have seen him hung by metal hooks poked through his skin.  So who am I to say that it is extreme - extreme maybe for me.. but definitely not for him.

Even with bruising........ what is extreme and what isn't??? I hardly ever bruise (visibly) though I do get deep tissue bruising - which manifests itself by leaving hard lumps in my ass.  They hurt ....... but then no one can see the bruising so how can it count?? or be extreme...... or even a bit dangerous.

Then there are those bruises that leave bloody bruises and broken skin....... extreme - YES - by my definition. 

But then if you like that sort of hurt ..... it isn't extreme one little bit.   And again I know someone who craves spankings that leave her ass black and blue and purple - craves I say !!!

So ......... in the final analysis I guess what really matters is what each couple is looking for... how much pain......... how extreme............ and it is not up to us bystanders to categorize what is extreme and what is acceptable.  I think it is better to turn away and not look if something is too extreme for your tastes......

And if you are a newbie ............ start slow........ work your way up the scale of extremes until you reach your limit........ YOUR limit...... not someone else's.

And that is my 2 cents on the subject!


Buffalo said...

And a good two cents it was. Makes sense.

moonchildkitty said...

It is very true. What is extreme for one person isn't extreme to another. I think it is more than two cents perhaps a whole five dollars. *Cheeky grin*

I agree whole heartedly about if you don't like what you see or are squicked out about it then look away!


"YOUR limit...... not someone else's." I could not agree more with that but would like to add, for the male subs out there, The limit decided by your nerve endings and your brain, not the one set by your male ego. Made that mistake myself, more than once, not a good idea.


OnHerKnee said...

Yup, extreme is in the eye of the beholder.
Acceptable is what you'll consider, Extreme is something you won't consider. It's also a moving target... There was a time when I wouldn't consider being on the receiving end of a cane... Things and people change.

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
viemoira said...

That was my deleted comment above- posted under a different account in error :/

This is an interesting summation- I am always fascinated by people's differing perceptions.

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