Kinky sex

No that title is not just a grabber............ I really do intend to talk about kinky sex...... At least that is my plan.

This past summer I learned something about me....... besides the fact I am a bit off center that is... I learned that pain without sex is a downer for me.  And I am not just throwing out the word "downer".  It makes me crash.. it makes me depressed.  Pain in all it's glory is really foreplay for me.  And if sex doesn't follow ............. well it is a bit like having a bucket of cold water thrown on you when you are THIS close to cumming.

And yes yes I can and do have orgasms from the pain...... but as I have discussed here before - it is not the same kind of orgasm as the orgasm from penetration... from fucking........... my whole body doesn't seem to get involved in the process....... just my innards.  And I know I need my whole body involved (I have never done anything half way - cheeky grin)

Ok.......... so all that being said...... 


After the operation...... I have bemoaned more than once my lack of desire for pain or sex or anything kinky.  I bemoaned the fact the damn surgeon removed my kink along with the gall bladder - left the dark shadow on the Xray and took all the good stuff!!

Then I decided that the endorphins I get from pain were missing....... gone ... the addiction to the endorphins was gone.  I had gone through a rehab clinic of sorts and had cured my need/my craving for endorphins.

So I figured the only way to fix that was to get back on that cross / or spanking bench / or bend over the nearest table and take it like a masochist - suck it up until the endorphins were flowing and everything was back like it was.


The only problem with that plan - that I can see - is that there just hasn't been enough opportunity to work on my addiction......... between vanilla stuff and topsy turvey tummies........ there just hasn't been enough time.


Yesterday I was a busy lil bee - cleaning the office - doing paper work - paying bills - then cleaning my bedroom and changing the bed linens...... Oh I was a good lil house frau.


And in the midst of all that cleaning - two things happened.


First I found - by accident - the eye bolts in the back of the headboard ( my duster got caught on one and I couldn't figure out what it was - had to move the bed to discover the old eye bolts from - what ?? 7 or 8 years ago - were still there) 


So then as I finished up the dusting and the oiling of the wood furniture my imagination took a little trip........... me tied up on the bed - unable to move - all my sex toys - and some pain toys - lined up on the bed beside me - and I was put through my paces (so to speak) Ohhhhhhhhhh it was a wonderful fantasy - got me through the dusting and the oiling - BUT not the mopping of the floors or the changing of the bed linens.  


I had to stop.


I went and found the two latest sex toys that I have received (for review) stripped down and pretended I was tied to those eye bolts in the back of the bed..... and .......... well........
had a good ole play time.


When it was over - and I was lying on the bed feeling warm and contented - I realized that masturbating to orgasm (like the orgasms from pain) was just not enough.  First of all - I need them in combination..... pain and pleasure.  And I need a partner - it's just not as good when I can make the decisions to stop / start/ continue / more intense / less intense.  My brain is way too involved in the process - and it needs to just "go with the flow" so to speak.


Some of the best sex / endorphin rush I used to have - came from being beaten and fucked and beaten again.  Or after a session (or before - I was never very particular about timing) I would be caught and bent over whatever was at hand - kitchen counter, dining room table, ottoman and fucked.  


And of course the very best times were spent tied to those eye bolts in the bed - with a crop and clothes pins and sex toys at the ready...... and the order of the day was "Let's see just how many orgasms you CAN have".  


ummmmmmm do ya think my hormones are returning to normal - along with all the other stuff in my blood that was out of whack?? (like potassium and electrolytes??) 


WARNING - I DO love kinky sex !