Extreme versus Acceptable

I was asked the other day to help someone understand the difference between extreme BDSM and acceptable BDSM.

Initially I thought this will be easy........ I definitely know the difference.  

But the more I tried to explain the difference - the more mired in definitions I became.

For example - needle play is not extreme to me....... but to a beginner they would think (for the most part ) that I needed my head examined.

But for me there is something soothing/calming about having needles stuck in my body....... and sometimes it can be rather beautiful  (by my definition)

On the other hand hook suspension is extreme - right??? 

BUT it probably isn't extreme to those who enjoy it.  In fact I know someone personally who LOVES hook suspension.  And have seen him hung by metal hooks poked through his skin.  So who am I to say that it is extreme - extreme maybe for me.. but definitely not for him.


Even with bruising........ what is extreme and what isn't??? I hardly ever bruise (visibly) though I do get deep tissue bruising - which manifests itself by leaving hard lumps in my ass.  They hurt ....... but then no one can see the bruising so how can it count?? or be extreme...... or even a bit dangerous.

Then there are those bruises that leave bloody bruises and broken skin....... extreme - YES - by my definition. 

But then if you like that sort of hurt ..... it isn't extreme one little bit.   And again I know someone who craves spankings that leave her ass black and blue and purple - craves I say !!!


So ......... in the final analysis I guess what really matters is what each couple is looking for... how much pain......... how extreme............ and it is not up to us bystanders to categorize what is extreme and what is acceptable.  I think it is better to turn away and not look if something is too extreme for your tastes......


And if you are a newbie ............ start slow........ work your way up the scale of extremes until you reach your limit........ YOUR limit...... not someone else's.


And that is my 2 cents on the subject!

The fine art of caning.....

Sir has a large number of canes........ for my ass not for walking. And they are a toy i love to hate.. or hate to love.. i am never really sure which. The cane stings like the dickens.. but if Sir uses it after a nice warm up (ok ok.. forget warm up.. after He has beaten my ass with all the other toys first) i rather enjoy it.........

That is until the lexan cane. Now yes i know i have talked about the lexan cane before... and we all agree it is one devil of a cane........ and nothing but nothing can make it feel good...... BUT not to be out done by a damn toy... after Saturday's episode with the lexan cane... i went looking for some ideas on caning?? instructions on caning?? answers to why it hurts so damn much !! and why frequently i swear Sir has hit my tail bone.. even when He hasn't. (my tail bone is a definite hard limit !!)

Now there are gobs of articles on the net on caning...... but one that struck my fancy (and i am sorry i did not book mark it so i can't send everyone scurrying off to read it) talked about sensuous caning.......... (trust me when i say - my ears perked up at the mention of 'sensuous' caning....... sensuous?? could i talk Sir into trying sensuous caning?? )

Now for those of you who need / want / love?? pictures... here is what i am affectionately calling "Good old fashioned caning".......

And this one i am calling sensuous caning.. (cause come on now.. doesn't this one look so much more appealing than the previous one?? )



The first thing i read in this article was that to fully appreciate a sensuous caning .. the submissive should lie on a table.. preferably a massage table...... (already i am liking this) .. barring that.. the submissive can lie on a bed.. and the Dominant can stand beside her..... this way (according to the writer) the cane will not hit the hidden end of the tail bone........ (the tail bone has a hidden end?? !!!) Needless to say that is the first thing i mentioned to Sir.. caning should be done lying down - rather than over the ottoman or spanking bench because a) the skin is pulled too taut that way.... and b) you run the risk of hitting this tail end of the tail bone.

The next thing i read was that the submissive should not be challenged during the caning session....... the strokes should not be too fast or too hard...... the intensity of the caning must build up gradually.... (oh yeah?????? have i got your attention now?? )

And the Dominant should play with the submissive during the caning.. by play it was suggested that the Dominant caress the submissive... play with her sexually (oh hell fuck her silly with his hand !! ) or even - now this one i really like - place his fingers in her mouth....... (boy ohhhhhh boy !! Sir would never dare to do that during a caning.. His hand might come out of it a few fingers short!!)

Oh yes..... and the author warns that even though a cane may seem stiff ...it is actually very flexible...... and with force they will bend 90 degrees or more..... so ...says the author...be careful of wrapping........ wrapping?? i always thought that was just a sadist's way of making sure you were paying attention!!

Anyway...... having read this article and sharing parts of it with Sir on Sunday afternoon... Sir decided to try a caning in the prone position. i can vouch for the fact that the tail end of my tail bone was not hit once...and that is all i can vouch for.... oh wait.. Sir did most definitely do some playing with my pink bits.. caressing of my pink bits.. He stood behind me.. kicked open my legs a couple of times actually... to make sure they were wide enough apart.. and then He started twacking the pink bits and the insides of my thighs with the cane.....

and i am here to report ....the lexan cane still hurts like blazes.. and after nearly an hour of the lexan cane interspersed with the crop....... i was left with white marks on my ass........ and fairies dancing round me like whirling dervishes....

Maybe .. perhaps.. i just need to define sensuous the same way as Sir does?? Sensuous is making me wiggle and stamp my foot and go "ouuuuuuuf that hurts" Sensuous is seeing me finally melt into the floor and leave a puddle without any actual soft sensual caresses in all the right spots.. Sensuous is having me flop around like a fish out of water, not sure which end is up, what time of day it is, or even what my name is......... THAT is sensuous for Sir...