Wednesday, March 11, 2009

bad sub

Sir was out last night....... and as happens when He is out.. i was left two tasks to complete.

1) to clean the upstairs bathroom
2) to organize my paper work for my taxes.

and i was to wear the clamps on my pussy and my tits (yuck) while i was doing the tasks.. (though i did point out to Sir that that would mean i would be clamped for HOURS!! so He agreed to let me wear them until i hit the wall - then i was allowed to remove them)

Well.. i started on the tax papers.......... and my god every year i forget how much work it is !! i stopped at one point to go and get the clamps...... and i did put them on......... they hurt.. and they made me angry......... actually i think it was more the paper work that was making me angry..... BUT... the anger was redirected at the clamps.. and the pain........... go figure.......

i am not sure how long i had the clamps on.. i guess about 20 minutes.. and i was so angry at that point i was almost in tears.. i just about ripped the damn things off.. cried cause dammit it hurt !!! then i went back to the paper work..........

After a good 2+ hours i had finally done all i could do for now........ i am missing one set of forms and one set of receipts (the receipts come from the bank and i am hoping - if memory serves me right - they come in around mid March - if not i have to beg another copy......... )

i cleaned up the mess .. organized the piles of paper... shut the lights off and came upstairs........ and stamped my foot. i did NOT want to clean the bathroom.. and i didn't.

This morning i am feeling guilty.... how hard would it have been to clean the bathroom - another 20 minutes or so........... but i didn't do it ....... and i had to 'fess up to Sir.

In all the time we have been together i honestly don't remember so blatantly ignoring /refusing to do a task.......... a simple one at that.

shoot me now....... k?

And then to make matters worse........This morning i discovered that Sir posted to His blog yesterday.........and as much as He is questioning how well He "dommed" me........... i am left feeling very guilty ... as there were things said... things done.. that i should have picked up on.. IF i was a good sub.......i would have given Sir's house a quick spruce up... you know running the mop and duster around.. and i didn't do it !!! OHHHHHHHHH i had very rational reasons for not doing it...... but still i am left feeling lazy and self-centered.. and very much a bad sub.. guess i am not as much a "service orientated sub" as i originally boasted about in my answer to kaya's question........ and i am embarassed to admit it :(

Think i am gonna have to do some navel gazing and work that one through...... yup.. gonna have to work that one through for sure !!!!


selkie said...

hugs, morningstar.... I think you're being awfully hard on yourself hun. The pain together with the utter frustration of dealing with taxes takes its toll!

The only thing to do is to pick yourself up and start fresh ... naval gazing is not always a bad thing ...


anna said...

I am so very sorry you're feeling disappointed in yourself. I think its very clear to anyone who reads your blog or your Sir's blog that the two of you care very deeply for each other. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You recognized an error and you've shown remorse. There's no doubt in my mind that you want to please him. I'm pretty sure there's no doubt in his mind either.

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