Monday, May 19, 2008

My thoughts

i have a feeling that my post over the weekend "Just say NO" concerning (mainly kaya's blog) but included Finbar's from Fet Life and my own personal opinion raised more than one or two eyebrows.. even though it only raised one comment from pet.

i have been down the safe word road more than once on this blog.. and many many times in relief life..... and i have debated the "safe sane and consensual" theory about as often.

For those of you not up to speed... here's where i stand very simply.......

i do NOT believe in safe words - if someone has you tied up and comes at you with a buzz saw - do you really believe saying "purple alligator" will stop them??

i do NOT believe in the safe sane and consensual bull hockey - anyone and i do mean anyone - who believes we are sane to want our asses walloped - or needles stuck in or our bodies cut should rethink the definition... and as for consensual welllll folks when my limits are being pushed i sure don't think consensual........

No ........ i sorta kinda think R.A.C.K. is more appropriate....... but trust me it still has a whole mess of holes in it........
For those of you who don't know the angram - i even found you a reliable definition:

"Risk-aware consensual kink" is a term that was coined in reaction to current dissatisfaction within the BDSM community regarding the political issues (internal and external) surrounding the " safe, sane and consensual" ethos that many people define consensual BDSM. Specifically, RACK is intended to embrace edgeplay and play that is engaged in without safewords.

Now getting down to the real issue at hand..... is it my job to protect the innocents that come here to read?? is it my job to worry about the frenzied subs and Doms who might read here and decide "oh wow I am going to try that !!" without benefit of practice or book learning or a workshop or two?? Never mind some years in the lifestyle..... some real life experience.
NO - it is not my job pointe finale.

This blog is mine...... i can talk about all the issues i want to.... i can discuss sessions with Sir that involve knives and cutting.. or needles.. or whips and chains and floggers and i should NOT have to worry that some poor fool will come along and take my blog as law....... take my blog as being SAFE..... or SANE....... or for that matter ....... CONSENSUAL.

This blog is for adults only....... so is kaya's blog.. so is Finbar's ......... and if adults do not have the good sense God gave earth worms..... then so be it. i am not going to lose sleep over something i write ..... worrying that some green naive wet behind the ears subbie (or Dominant) might run right off and try it. We are all responsible for our own safety .. our own sanity and our own consent.

THAT is why .. i always preach (yes preach) that multiple play partners is not always a good thing......... that meeting some stranger in a motel right from on line is not a good thing....... which is why i always preach YOU need to build up trust with the person who is going to tie you up and give you all your fantasies.... you need to know deep down in your heart that they are not going to maim you or kill you......... YOU need to have trust......... not blind trust... but good old fashioned trust........ (and remember the old adage.... 'be careful of what you wish for' )

There are so many aspects ..... different facets....... of this lifestyle that there is bound to be one or two that you will come across that will make you squeamish make you want to run a mile....... and that is good!! you know your limits and you know which Dominants to stay away from and which ones to grab onto.......... but do not .. i implore you....... put down someone who believes in and enjoys and relishes edgeplay......... (that definition i am gonna let you all look up yourselves - take some responsibility damn it !!) that is what this blog is about - taking responsibility for yourself ....educating yourself....... and realizing that there are some out there that are gonna play a whole lot harder .. a whole lot differently than you ever could.

It would be nice if we really could rejoice in each other's kinks...... but barring that.. and barring accepting their kinks....... just laissez faire....... let them be.

and for those of you who dropped by to read about our weekend.... check my Yes Miss Blog...... andrew came to visit this weekend.


Anonymous said...

"It would be nice if we really could rejoice in each other's kinks"

I'd like to say that might happen someday but my Pollyanna-side got shut off some time ago. It's in people's nature to judge. It really only gets under my skin when it comes from someone who just should know better, someone who has been there, someone who is just as "edgy" but in a different way, or just as perverted... and they still have the gall to point the finger at another. Glass houses and all that b.s.

I like the point you made about people needing to take responsibility for their own life and their own actions. I'm certainly not out to educate anybody, and if someone chooses to act stupid, well... then stupid should hurt.


Pet said...

i had tried to apologize for my comment which sounded very much as if i judged, but for some reason it would not go through.

Everyone is different and every kink has their own.

Reading other people's blogs sometimes makes me cringe, but never would i want to pass judgement saying it is right or wrong. It is not my place just as it is not theirs to do so in my life.

We have only our experiences and with those opinions form. These i keep to myself (usually) and will attempt to do so in the future. Once again i am very sorry if my comment cause any grief.


Buffalo said...

You brought up some very good, and valid, points. Well done.

Suzanne said...

The only thing that makes me cringe is brutality - why a man would want to brutalize a woman-I don;t think any human wants to be brutalized even if they say how great it was-don't believe them, my little BDSM relationship with my husband is that hes strong-also sensitive which i love and romantic which i love-and loves to play guitar to me, to me thats love and what moves my soul-we would never call each other master or slave becaue its not us. WE find our way with just us doing the steering and i agree, everyone has to do what is best for them-whatever makes them happy.( Gosh i love when he uses a brush on my ass!)anyway, thanks for bring up such a good valid point., and i enjoy your writing and your thing he loves to play is Leonards Cohens song Suzanne-its both her favorites and a great song to know about if your into music. luv, piece and harmony.

swan said...

Yes. Yes. And, yes!
About time someone told all the hot to trot newbies not to be stupid.
About time someone said, "if you can't say something nice, just keep your mouth shut and let others live their lives."
I am not sure why we should need to say those things, but the same problems and issues and prickly stuff keeps on coming up, so I guess people are just that way.
Great post.


Raheretic said...

littleone, reading this this morning lead me to place a post on our Blog called, "This Is Not An Echo Chamber." I'd put a link here to it, but that is something I've relied on swan to do, being older and commensurately techno-ignorant.

We all of us who post in our circle of acquaintance need to take and deep breath, relax, and come to see our diversity as evidence of the richness of expereince we represent, and not of somehow performing less than
"correctly" somehow.

Thank you for expressing this. It needed to be said.

All the best,


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.

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