i am struggling with a theme... Experience.. it is so clear in my head .. but when i try and transfer the ideas from up there... to the screen down here ....... it gets all muddy. Stick with me folks and maybe it will all come together and make some sort of sense...........
How does one equate experience in this lifestyle?? i say i am experienced because i have been in the lifestyle for many years (15+ if you must know) ............ But if you add the years that i read about it .. fantasized about it..... gosh it would be over 30 years..... BUT do those years count???
It's a bit like being a teacher .. i say i have been a teacher most of my adult life.... but a goodly number of those years were spent in night school cramming courses into my thick skull......... and then a few years teaching but only part time.. i was under the impression that i had been at the same school for over 20 years .. but when it comes to seniority it turns out it has only been about 15 years (don't draw any comparisons here !! one has nothing to do with the other !) How did they come up with 15 years ?? A simple equation.. to work a full year - seniority wise - you had to work 35 hours a week X 4 weeks X 10 months.. in the beginning i only worked part time therefore i don't have the full 20 years.
Now does this equation - can this equation - be applied to the BDSM lifestyle as well.... do only the years that one is actually fully immersed in the lifestyle count towards seniority or experience??
If one is only "playing" at the lifestyle because of other commitments does it count as a full year?? Like my first years actually IN the lifestyle.. i would play maybe once - sometimes twice - a week and then return to my vanilla life... do those years count?? well yes of course they count.. but not as full years......... i can't have as much experience say as someone who was living the lifestyle 24/7 for all those years can i ??
Do you see my confusion?? (probably not .. i know i know.. some days i am as clear as mud ) ........ Am i lying (white lies count) if i say i have been in the lifestyle for 15+ years when truthfully it is probably half of that?? Can i claim to be an expert at anything when i compare myself to someone who has actually lived it for those number of years?? Who is the expert?? Who has the right to counsel newbies - them or me?? Who has the right to offer courses on any particular subject (from flogging to bondage to fire play) me or them??
Take a look at all those times i left the play session and returned to vanilla.. then i spent the rest of the time reading stories / blogs / journals on line....... fueling my imagination. Does that give me real time experience?? Or does it just give me a bunch of fairy tale fantasy stories to keep me warm at night.
Does any of that give me the right to dictate how BDSM should work?? especially if most of my so called experience comes from fantasy fairy tales.
i am working all this out in my addled lil brain....
why you ask??
because for me it is important....... to know where i stand.. where others stand.. who to believe and who to smile and nod at ......
Maybe tomorrow i will confuse you more with my thoughts on reality versus fantasy.... there is a big leap of faith from one to the other...... trust me - that i DO know about!!