Sunday, September 03, 2006

Pissy mood

i am in a pissy mood.... if you expected to read kinky fun stuff.. or happy stuff... hit the button and move on.. cause trust me when i say.. pissy doesn't even come close to describing the mood i am in..................




It all started off with my having these damn high expectations for my last long weekend of the summer........... i have been back at work for over 2 weeks.. i am feeling the stress of trying to keep up with the mountains of paperwork.. the crowds of confused misinformed parents.. and the sad lil faces of some of the kiddies... i wanted three whole days of Sir .. of pain.. of play.. of sex.. of losing myself ....

Then Sir had to work.. so ok.. i will make the most of it.. i will hide away in my secret garden and read and relax......... so ok.. i invited the family for a big family dinner on the one day (stupid stupid me) that Sir and i had together... and then .... Ernesto hit.......... so no sitting outside in my secret garden.. so ok Ernesto turned into both a real rainy aftermath of a hurricane.... and an emotional hurricane (for me) .... instead i get to do housework.. (no tv when there are hurricanes flying around - god bless satellite !)

So here i sit.... pondering some major lessons i have learned so far this weekend.....

1) i do not understand teasing.. any form of teasing..... i am naive and stupid and a goody two shoes who doesn't get sexual innuendos... i have been told there is nothing wrong with sexual innuendos.. i should learn to accept them and trust my Sir... (and i DO trust my Sir.... it is others i don't trust!! once bitten twice shy and all that rubbish) and i am thinking past wounds will never heal and let me trust others again........... sucks to be me (to quote my youngest)

2) that raising children with what i thought were my values and my morals amounts to squat.. they grow up and do pretty much whatever it is they please....... that leave gaping big holes in one's heart...

3) that i feel pretty much inadequate as a mother.. as a submissive ( only pain i got this weekend were punishment swats because i couldn't even remember to turn the collar around on cue or ask permission to enter a room!!)

the rain pounds against the windows... the pain pounds against my heart.. and the housework awaits......... Happy Labour Day Weekend!

4 comments:

Sir said...

Don't worry readers, littleone is going to get!!!

she will be writting about it later, trust Me...

Sir,
Owner of morningstar

Anonymous said...

Glad to know her loving Master is looking out for her needs. LOL

sunshine

darlingina said...

:o( i'm sorry morningstar. you're in my thoughts.
Hugs, gina

Reflections and Ruminations said...

Oh sugar...can't we all relate? Sure enough, one time or another, we all feel that way. Insecure, inadequate, in/un-everythingyoucanthinktoputinhere...

Big hugsssssssss
Paula