Sunday Sentiments

Sex talk to myself

I have a problem.  My woman's bits and pieces have dried up.  So the doctor told me.  And is the reason I bleed after sex.  The doctor talked me into using some estrogen cream once a week to re-vitalize my womanly bits and pieces.

 I didn't really want to.............. it made me angry I guess.  I went through menopause without any HRT because of my fear of cancer.  And here I am happily sitting on the other side of that fence - safely through menopause - and now I need hormones.  Doesn't seem fair to me........... honestly it doesn't.

No one talks about this drying up process - shriveling up in my mind.  Growing old and just shriveling up.... good for what???  

The other problem is - my womanly bits and pieces may be drying up - but my desire - my need - has grown stronger.  Now that makes sense right??? Shrivel it all up - make it useless but let the body still crave it.  Yeah - some big joke on me.

That is not to say it hurts to have sex - it doesn't.  But bleeding for days afterwards is not much fun............. bit of a turn off to be honest.  

Anyway I have been on the cream for 3 weeks now and the other day I asked for permission to masturbate.  I got it...... and I did it... and .. lo and behold I didn't bleed.  That was a pleasant surprise.

But masturbating is not like it used to be........... cause now W is around .. and it embarrasses me........... and it doesn't help that W tells me not to make too much noise.  So when I did it I was as quiet as a church mouse...... but the vibrator sounded loud - like a giant cement mixer........... and when I asked / joked the next day about whether or not I was quiet enough.......... W said he heard me.  and I just kinda dried up inside.  Not the womanly  bits - but my soul.

W doesn't use me for sex anymore - and masturbating is now embarrassing - so now I am wondering do I really need this damn estrogen cream anyway??? Maybe if I just don't think about it... my need.. my desire will dry up like my womanly bits......and that will be the end of it.  

Old ... dried up....ugly ... not desirable/sexy anymore... 

(shaking head)

 just not a very pretty picture in my mind.

Bookish

 I have always loved books and have always had a dream of having a "library".  A room with bookshelves that go wall to wall and ceiling to floor.  

I had a pretend library in Montreal - a faux library.  BUT when I was packing up to move here, I gave away all my books and all my shelves 'cause there just wasn't any room for my faux library here.  

Of course it doesn't help I have a Kindle/Kobo with all my books neatly stored in it.  Not much need for a library now - right?   My concession to no more heavy hard cover books was to buy a very nice soft leather cover for my hand held library........... try and trick myself into believing I am reading a book book!

This love of books lead me to thinking about doing a photo shoot in a library.  Have you seen the modern day libraries??!!  Then I went to the hairdressers one day and right next door was a book shop,  I popped in and asked the owner if he would have an objection to my coming in to the shop and doing a photo shoot.  The man looked at me like I might be some 'crazy' from the loonie bin......... but he agreed to allow me to take pictures of his books.

The outcome was nothing like I pictured in my mind's eye - but it was another opportunity to hone my skills.

Day 33 of 365

  

Explosion

The weather forecast yesterday was for heavy rain fall - actually heavy rain fall for the next couple of days.  So W decided we'd take advantage of coupons we had for the Casino and head back there for a couple of hours.

The neat thing about Casinos is they have no windows - so you lose all track of time - AND weather conditions.  When we came out a couple of hours later - the rain appeared to have stopped (for the time being) and we drove home laughing about our time in the Casino,

When I got out of the car at home I exclaimed "WTF"  W looked across the top of the car and said "WHAT??"  Words failed me - I just stood looking at the muck and mud and rocks I was standing in.  I didn't even answer him as I picked my way up the driveway....... mouth open - jaw on the ground (I am sure)

My front garden bed had exploded and spewed good earth and rocks all the way down the driveway............... it looked like a bomb had been dropped.

 When we bought the house we noticed that the rain spouts all ran down the sides of the house and were buried in the ground.  Now I thought (at the time) what a clever idea....... the rain water will run underground and water the lawns.  I didn't see a problem.

Well that is until yesterday.

What we think happened was the rubber pipe that ran under ground got blocked - which caused pressure to build ............. which eventually caused an explosion............. everything just erupted upwards and outwards................

 day 32 of 365

This is what I stepped into when I got out of the car - and trust me when I say the picture does NOT do it justice!! 

This is the rain sprout that is/was buried under the front garden............

 AND this is the hole that opened up in the front flower bed.................. 

We had more heavy rain last night and I barely slept thinking about the exploding hole......

And we are supposed to get more heavy rain today...............it's gonna be a few days - me thinks - before we can figure out a solution to what I thought was such a clever idea .......... a cheap solution !!!!

Spanking

The other morning I was in the kitchen doing something ...... and W came in.  I don't know what possessed me - let's just say the devil made me do it.... I hip checked W... not hard - just a little teasing hip check.  Not once but two or three times.... and of course I got the giggles.

W opened up the junk drawer - everyone has one right?? the drawer that holds all the odds and ends for the kitchen - that just don't have "their" place and get jammed into the junk drawer.  He pulled out a large white plastic spoon.

He unceremoniously pushed me up against the counter and with his free hand held me down......... and with the other hand started to spank my ass with the spoon,  I yelped and did the subbie jig (or tried to) and W just pulled my nightie up over my head and went at my ass harder.

It went from "dear god that hurts!" to " ummmmmm damn that feels good!"  in 30 seconds.... and then quick as that I felt the tightening in my lower belly - coming up on tippy toes - hanging there suspended sort of - hanging on the rhythm and the hurt........ and then the wave washed over my body and I shuddered and shook and trembled - and giggled ................... 

W gave me that wicked grin of his as he tossed the spoon back in the drawer............. 

Fast forward a couple more days - and it's evening time now - and I ... ummm can't honestly remember what I was doing - or what mood I was in - probably snarky - I DO snarky so well and the white spoon came out again..... 

I tried to dance away - to talk my way out of it - after all I was cooking - and I couldn't concentrate on the cooking if W was spanking my ass right????   I remember at one point saying something like "I am done" and W answered (in his TONE) "not yet" .......... and my mind scrambled to keep up - couldn't make it - tripped over itself - wasn't focused - but W's words were ringing in my ear when I felt my body go up on tippy toe again - hang there - waiting..... and then that tidal wave washing over my body - and W grinning and saying "yeah NOW you are done!"



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 day 31 of 365

 a novel bike rack

 

 another angle of same bike rack