Nothing Interesting to See - move along

 

Nope nothing interesting to read here today.......... 

Yesterday I donned my classy / sexy cleaning lady persona and tackled the main level of the  house - the front gardens and even did some laundry.  (Ok ok maybe it was my "superwoman sexy cleaning lady persona!!)  But that's what I did........ 

And today - same outfit - different level - bedrooms and office are being cleaned today....... with some 'me time' outside in my secret garden - under the red umbrella - with my new Kathy Reichs book "Spider Bones". 

After over a month of play parties and fun fun fun......... there is nothing fun happening this weekend......... time to pull on my "big girl panties" suck it up ...... and get some much needed work done.............

Merry go round

This morning yet another club here in the Great White North posted on FetLife that they are canceling at least one of their last parties if not both.  

As well there have been rumours and innuendo going round about the community here falling apart. "Experts" are climbing over one another to take the lead - to be important in my humble opinion.


This is an article I posted this morning over on FetLife... (just thought I would share)

Malaise 

I am hearing rumours there is a "malaise" in the Montreal BDSM community. I see clubs closing left right and center. I see people "disappearing" from public view. I am hearing discontent and discouragement.
 

I do not have any answers - that is not why i am writing this.........

i am writing because age does have to have some worth........ (besides a good excuse to tease - cheeky grin)

I have been around the Montreal BDSM community for over 20 years. Sir and i and a couple of others used to organize monthly munches - we would have between 40 and 60 people. The clubs were packed. Hell i even ran a submissive support group - with 40 submissives showing up once a month for meetings. And yet even then - with all the supposed enthusiasm - there was discontent. The clubs closed - the munches dwindled - people just "disappeared". It was blamed on the "two solitudes" (which for the record i did NOT believe!!)

It is like being on a merry-go-around. I sit on my carousel horse and i watch as the scenery around me changes and the more it changes the more it stays the same.

This "malaise" is not new. Despite what everyone likes to think - it is NOT new. It is life.

People come into a group full of enthusiasm and hope and new ideas.......... and then it all grows 'old' and they back off - disappear - but someone new is always there to take their place.

Despite what we think/believe - we have not invented a better wheel. The wheel is still a wheel and will keep turning.......... things will change and change again............

The one constant - the BDSM community will remain - and so will the rumours of discontent - and the rumours of "malaise" . That is just the way it is.......

I'm an EXPERT

I know I know !!!  I do tend to rant on and on about these self proclaimed experts in BDSM....... It is a real pet peeve of mine........ 


I also don't much like people who lie......... and for some bloody reason I seem to feel I have to "out" these liars ......... instead of just letting go..........

And I have a real hate on for people who are two faced..........

AND I hate - really HATE - how naive I can be - and how trusting I can be - and believing I can be.  and how easy it is for someone - or more than one someone - to influence me.


Where the hell is my bloody back bone???? 


Last March when my relationship with W and being a submissive came to a screeching halt....... there were (obviously) many problems.  One of them were the rules I had to live by - the protocols and rituals.  And I have admitted more than once - that instead of using my "knee jerk reaction" to handle the situation I should have sat down with W and discussed it..and tried to work out my struggles - cause I WAS struggling... and I didn't bother to tell W.............. 


BUT instead.......... 

I listened to the people around me...... people I thought I could trust..... people who seemed like "good people" who seemed to have my best interests at heart.. people who said they couldn't stand to see me hurting and wanted to help.

These were the people who convinced me (no backbone on my part - none whatsoever) of a number of things.  The first being that no ...... NO...... strong independent woman (or man) could or should live with protocols or rituals. No strong independent woman (or man) would consent to living a D/s lifestyle.  These were fantasy not real life.  These "well meaning" people had no use for protocols or rituals or D/s and could not understand any one who did.  


Because I was angry and hurt and lost and feeling very much alone......... their words seemed to make sense....... what was the point of asking permission to enter or leave a room??? What was the point of having to ask permission to use the bathroom??? What was the point of being naked ???   It was made very clear to me that they had no use for the way I had lived my life for the last 10 years.


Fast forward a full year............ 


Now I discover that one of those people who pooh-poohed protocols and rituals and the D/s lifestyle .. who was the hardest on me for following them....... is now ....... are you ready for this???

"D/s & Protocol instructor for Montreal Fetish Weekend"

WTF???

I would really love to attend THAT workshop..........boy do I have some questions to ask!! 

But truthfully - in the final analysis - I have no one to blame but myself.  I discovered quite quickly that there are a whole mess of protocols that I need/crave and desire.  There are even some rituals that I love. That I miss (big time) the D/s lifestyle.  BUT ........ because I was a spineless - lead me around by the nose - wimp ......... I am now without any protocols or rituals .. without a 'Sir' ........ without a collar....... in limbo.  I realize now that they were only using me to fill a need they had ........... I was like that kid in the school yard - lost and alone with no friends - who will sell their soul just to feel they belong............

Yeah I am an expert.......... on how to screw things up royally - on how to believe /trust all the wrong people - on how to be left a little broken.. a whole lot sad.... and hurting.

My "other" life

Yes yes I actually have a life outside of BDSM - spankings sex and all that good stuff.  It is called "vanilla life".  And sometimes causes a difficult balancing act........ but we do try!

A couple of weeks ago - or maybe it was  a week ago - who knows and I am too lazy to go back check my blogs to find out when - I mentioned that I was going to start tutoring middle grandson to help get him ready for Kindergarten.  

Now for those of you with some knowledge of children - he is a very young 4.... very young.  He doesn't turn 5 until the end of September - which will make him one of the youngest in Kindergarten.  It is also important to note (I think) that he is the middle child. There are loads and loads of articles written about the "middle child syndrome" ........ most of it is true........... not because they come from bad parents ....... or parents who don't care ......... no it's more that they have the unfortunate position of having an elder sibling and a younger sibling....... and somehow they get a little lost in the every day shuffle of raising 3 (or more) children.

'Pigpen' (as W and I have come to call him affectionately) has won a special place in my heart........  So it was that a week ago I started driving out to the island 3 times a week to help him get ready for Kindergarten.  

I would say we are making progress............ not as much as I would like.......... but I keep reminding myself - he is learning more skills than if I hadn't started this "tutoring".  A week ago he had no idea how to hold a pencil - how to control his "writing" - how to colour inside the lines (and yeah yeah I know - sometimes it is good to 'colour outside the lines' - but not if it is because you can't stay within the lines!)


I told him that he is the boss of the pencil - the pencil is not the boss.  So now when the writing isn't going all that well - he leans down and whispers to the pencil "I AM THE BOSS" 


He struggles making straight lines ......... but is very good at making circles..... go figure!!


He talks incessantly about his video games - and his cousin - and his brothers - all the while he is writing.  So honestly it is really no wonder he doesn't remember what letter we did 5 minutes ago........never mind 5 days ago.  


If I ask what word starts with a hah sound (letter H) he says - confidently - ANT.  He isn't getting letter sounds - but that's ok......... he is learning how to write - sort of.  He is learning to move from left to right (in his writing and in looking at a calendar ) He is learning that work is hard - BUT - it doesn't have to be scary - and it can actually be fun.  


He is learning who I am ......... and I am learning who he is.  And that is a very good thing.

And I am remembering how much I love to teach........... cause ya know - no matter how many times you feel like you're not getting it across - something happens and you realize that some lessons are learned that you never intended to teach.  

I like to think that dear sweet 'pigpen' is learning that he has a special place in this family.  Big brother and baby brother are NOT allowed to visit us when we are working.  Pigpen is calling it "school time!" and I think he enjoys being able to shoo everyone away.  


School starts in 3 weeks for him...... it is going to be a challenging and yes scary time for him.... I can only hope these few weeks of working with "granny" will help ease the transition from the safety of home and being lost in the shuffle - to being a BIG boy on the BIG school bus - in a BIG school - getting lost in a BIG classroom.


So now I must run - pack up the teaching bag with lipstick for Kisses and Ladybugs and Monkey stickers and head off to the island for another morning of "school stuff".

Today is brought to you by the letters "Kk" "Ll" and "Mm"

Fantasy gone Wrong

Yesterday I decided to spend my time outside in my secret garden curled up on the wicker love seat under my red umbrella with a good book.  A perfect start to a new week.

After a couple of hours of being curled up - I decided to throw the pillows down on the patio and lie down on my tummy and read and tan my back at the same time.  The really nice thing about my secret garden is that I can tan almost nude.  I was wearing a sarong and while i had been sitting I had the top bit as low as it could go ... and the bottom bit as high as I dared - no tan lines dontcha know.  Well when I laid down on my tummy (feet right at the door ) - I hoisted the bottom part of the sarong as high as I dared - to just under my ass......... the sun felt so good on my body.. it warmed it.. it lulled it... and soon my eyes were feeling heavy............ 

I closed my eyes - knowing full well there was a really good fantasy coming............

In my mind's eye I could see myself - spread out on the patio- behind the privacy trellis - legs spread slightly apart - ass curving - breasts straining against the bit of material covering them, ready to pop out -  every inch of me open and welcoming and ready.............. 

I heard the screen door slide open - and in my fantasy W was standing there - clad in his utility kilt - no shirt -  surveying the wantoness in front of him. He stepped down from the house to the patio..... being careful to put his foot down between my legs (just not a whole lot of room in my secret garden - especially when I am lying spread eagle)

As he brought his second foot down to the patio level - he stepped on my foot - I screeched - he jumped - and lost his balance - doing a jig of sorts to keep himself from falling over - he hit the red umbrella - sending it crashing down on the trellis......... I tried to leap up - which was impossible with W struggling to regain his foot hold .. and my sarong opened up and fell off.. leaving me naked and not the least bit suggestive.


I shook my head - and cleared the fantasy.  THAT would never work - even my fantasy knew there just wasn't enough room ............. 


So after a moment's disappointment... I closed my eyes and changed the location - from the patio - to Maitre Ex's dungeon.  W was sitting on the low sofa - in his utility kilt...... me kneeling just in front of him.  I knew W was "commando" and I wanted - no craved - to crawl under the kilt and give him the best blow job he had had for a long time............ 


I inched forward ....... laid my head on his knee - W - being W - asked what was wrong... (sigh - even in MY fantasy - W is W) I shook my head to indicate nothing was wrong.. I was smiling........ 


Slowly my right hand slid under the kilt and started to caress his thigh..........moving higher all the time.......Finally I couldn't wait anymore - after all - I was all hot and bothered from the patio scene - and wanted some success.......... 


So I wiggled myself around so I was kneeling directly in front of W and lifting the kilt with one hand - dove underneath ...... letting the kilt fall over my head and shoulders.  I stroked his cock - I licked his cock like a popsicle - I brought my lips down and surrounded the head of his cock... while my tongue made lazy circles round and round the tip..... W was enjoying my ministrations - I could tell (cheeky grin)

Niggling at the back of my fantasy - was how hot it had been on Saturday evening - and how IF I had actually done some "kilt diving" I would have died of heat exhaustion in 2 minutes flat.  I pushed the thought out of my fantasy.  DAMN IT !!  This was my fantasy!!  And it was going to work !! No heat !!  No humidity !! Just sensuality.


I went back to sucking W's cock - slowly - running my tongue around and around as my mouth slid up and down........ my hands stroking his balls ever so gently........... Up and down - umm it felt so good - it tasted so good................. 


THEN.............. 


there was an horrendous screeching - and then a cat howling - and I jumped out of my reverie to see a squirrel sitting on the privacy trellis - not 2 feet from my head - screeching and miss ashes was jumping at the screen door trying to protect me.............. 


LE SIGH............. 


I shooed the squirrel away - picked up my book and the pillows - and moved my dignified - discouraged self - back to the wicker love seat ............... 


It - obviously - was not the day for a fantasy.