too much thinking.......

The date for my appointment with the new specialist is creeping up on me.  Before today I was able to say ....... "oh it's still a long way away".  But now it isn't months - I am down to just a handful of weeks.

And every so often stupid thoughts pop up in my head............ like what am I gonna have to go through this time?? Am I gonna have to go back in hospital??? Am I gonna have to undergo more awful tests and procedures?? Am I gonna have to have more surgery??? 

And my stomach gets in a BIG knot.

And then every lil ache and pain or bump or bruise starts to worry me.......... even stuff that has absolutely NOTHING to do with this specialist.

When I was younger I had no fear of doctors.  My knee hurt I went to see a specialist - went through some yucky tests... and lived to talk about it.  Had a suspicious mole on my face - marched off to the doctor (all of these visits, by the way, were by myself - no support at all) had it removed - got the results and lived to talk about it.

So why is it now I am older just the thought of going to see a doctor makes me sick to my stomach - gives me nightmares - and makes me sweat??? 

God I wish I had on off button for all these worrisome thoughts........

Yard Crashers - my way

It was almost a year ago that baby daughter and hubbie bought their first home.  It is a cute lil place - but most definitely a "fixer upper".  (or - as some may call it  -"the money pit")

Regardless of the problems, they are very proud of their home........... baby daughter has done an amazing job putting in new floors - painting and decorating.

There was however one job that seemed to be bigger than her.

And truthfully I understand......... between a full time job (from 2:00pm to 10:00pm) and 3 active boys - there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day - or money in the bank - to tackle the yard work.

The front yard to me is important.  It is the first thing guests/neighbours see.  It is the first impression of your home.  A couple of weeks ago when I was out visiting them all..... I mentioned the dirt pile with flowering weeds in the front yard.  I could tell by baby daughter's voice that she was overwhelmed.  So I asked if she would like me to come out and help clean it up and get a flower bed in.  She was thrilled and promised to get it weeded.


On Mother's day when we were out there she had indeed managed to get some weeding done.  But what was left was maybe even more depressing than the flowering weeds......

On Tuesday this week, I took eldest daughter to the market to buy some plants for her garden.  While we were there..... I took a look at some bushes and perennials for this garden project.  I figured there was never gonna be a better time so I picked up some bushes (that will grow in and hide that nasty looking foundation) and some perennials (so she doesn't have to keep buying flowers every year).


 I had been waffling between doing the garden and surprising them - or waiting to do it with the family.  Eldest daughter and I figured (forget surprises) we would run out this Saturday and get cracking on the garden.  Mother Nature intervened.  Today was to be the last day of sunshine for about 5 days.  So today was the day - and surprise it was to be.


We arrived out on the island about 10:30 and set to right away unloading the bushes and plants from the car and started moving what bulbs we knew were bulbs and then digging the holes for the bushes.    By 11:30 am I was feeling a tad light headed and exhausted.  The weather man had screwed up again.  What was supposed to be a cloudy cool day - was bright and sunny and probably the hottest day this spring!!!


My pace slowed right down.  I drank gallons of water and pushed ahead.  I was determined to get the garden in.


By 12:30 (only mad dogs and English men go out in the noon day sun) we were just about done......... the only thing left to do was clean up the pots - give the bed a final watering - and put in the garden flag.

I almost wish I could be a fly on the wall when baby daughter and hubbie get home from work tonite!!!  I sure hope they like surprises !!!

It's a Mystery

About a month ago I guess it was........in some email for "deals" ... I found a website that was calling for "mystery shoppers".  I read the blurb........ and applied.  Basically it works like this............. they post shopping jobs .. I put my name in to get it... and if I am chosen I go shopping - on their dime - fill in a report and get paid for it.  Sounded kinda fun.. 


Well I have been applying and applying........ it is a bit like temp work I think.  I did temp work way back when.......... when I was newly married and we needed money for a house.  (You don't make great money teaching)


It took a while before anyone hired me - even temporarily - but once I got hired by a company or two and they saw my work skills I didn't want for work.  


So I am guessing this mystery shopping thing is like that........ the companies have to get to know me.. get to know my writing skills.. get to know how observant I am.. get to know a whole mess of things about me.


Yesterday was my first shopping job.  Only it wasn't shopping it was eating.  I got to take a guest to a Holiday Inn restaurant and have lunch on them.  Needless to say I took W with me - mainly cause I wanted to but also the restaurant was over on his side of the world and I didn't know how to get there... (cheeky grin)


So we went - and had a really fun time.  It was a buffet yesterday - and oh my god I have never EVER eaten so much........ even if I only took small tastes of the food rather than a serving of each dish.  Who knew a bit of this .. and a bit of that could land up being SO damn filling!!!


Once lunch was done W took me back to his place to pick up my car and home I came to fill in the forms.  


Honest to god it took me over an hour of steady of typing to fill in all their forms - in minute detail !!


By the time I was done...... I was D.O.N.E. .......... I haven't had to type for so long in forever!!  My neck and shoulders ached.


This morning I am seriously rethinking this mystery shopping thing.  First off I don't hide well or lie well (and most of the shops require you to lie) Secondly for $10 - $20 it is a helluva lot of work - the typing that is.......... and in a way a waste of time..... I virtually spent (including getting gussied up to do this shop) 6 1/2 hours............ for $10 and lunch.


I am seriously rethinking this mystery shopping thing.............. 


Though I will admit - it was fun to have lunch with W in a fancy (versus fast food) restaurant in the middle of the week!!!

Extreme versus Acceptable

I was asked the other day to help someone understand the difference between extreme BDSM and acceptable BDSM.

Initially I thought this will be easy........ I definitely know the difference.  

But the more I tried to explain the difference - the more mired in definitions I became.

For example - needle play is not extreme to me....... but to a beginner they would think (for the most part ) that I needed my head examined.

But for me there is something soothing/calming about having needles stuck in my body....... and sometimes it can be rather beautiful  (by my definition)

On the other hand hook suspension is extreme - right??? 

BUT it probably isn't extreme to those who enjoy it.  In fact I know someone personally who LOVES hook suspension.  And have seen him hung by metal hooks poked through his skin.  So who am I to say that it is extreme - extreme maybe for me.. but definitely not for him.


Even with bruising........ what is extreme and what isn't??? I hardly ever bruise (visibly) though I do get deep tissue bruising - which manifests itself by leaving hard lumps in my ass.  They hurt ....... but then no one can see the bruising so how can it count?? or be extreme...... or even a bit dangerous.

Then there are those bruises that leave bloody bruises and broken skin....... extreme - YES - by my definition. 

But then if you like that sort of hurt ..... it isn't extreme one little bit.   And again I know someone who craves spankings that leave her ass black and blue and purple - craves I say !!!


So ......... in the final analysis I guess what really matters is what each couple is looking for... how much pain......... how extreme............ and it is not up to us bystanders to categorize what is extreme and what is acceptable.  I think it is better to turn away and not look if something is too extreme for your tastes......


And if you are a newbie ............ start slow........ work your way up the scale of extremes until you reach your limit........ YOUR limit...... not someone else's.


And that is my 2 cents on the subject!

Jam up and Jelly Tight

 The last time the UPS guy showed up on my doorstep with my new  toy for  a review - my eldest walked in almost immediately.  This time the UPS guy showed up with my newest toy for review  - eldest had just left.  Leaves me wondering what will happen the next time !!


Anyway....... back to the intended blog entry.......... 


I opened the box on the kitchen counter.  Once I had removed the extra stuffing....... there lay this bright orange vibrator.  I couldn't believe how bright orange it was !!!  And almost immediately the song "Jam up and Jelly Tight" popped into my head........ 

So there I was singing "Jam up and jelly tight........ my, my, my, my baby, now you're outta sight..... jam up and jelly tight you look a little naughty but you're so polite.... jam up and jelly tight........ You won't say you will but there's a chance you might" while I finished unwrapping and opening the packaging.

Honestly the only thing I kept thinking was how bright an orange it was!!  And then it was opened.... and I was wrinkling up my nose - wondering what the smell was??!!  It wasn't entirely a bad smell - sort of citrus-y but still it had a smell.......... not something I particularly want from my sex toys.

On closer inspection - besides the bent head (it is a G-spot vibrator after all) I noticed four lil knobby things on the head.  That got my imagination working overtime trust me!! 

I could hardly wait to get the 2AA batteries (not included - which is why I always have a bulk of them stored away) Now I wouldn't say I am technically challenged - not when it comes to inserting batteries........ but most equipment requiring batteries do have some sort of diagram showing the correct way to insert the damn batteries.  I tried this end up that end up .. both ends down.. both ends up...... and couldn't get the vibrator to work.  After a few frustrating minutes - I noticed on the box it did say to make sure the top was tightened TIGHT.  Once I had done that ........ everything was vibrating along very nicely.

I thought that the button to control the speed was sorta neat looking - never had one like that before.......... usually the screw on bit is what controls the speed - but this was (in my silly addled brain ) rather futuristic looking.............

However when I came to try it out (last night, after a nice hot steamy bubbly bath) I discovered I didn't much like this particular speed control button.  It seemed awkward to turn....... twice instead of turning it UP I landed up turning it off........ and it did seem difficult to control the speed....... from slow to fast in 60 seconds....... maybe if you have a still hand?? But I was anxious .......... (to put it mildly - and politely) so I had some difficulty hitting medium........ 


Despite the not so great features of this vibrator - I absolutely loved the feel of it.... loved the fast speed... loved how it hit the G-spot right on........ which was pretty intense.  Truthfully I didn't even notice if it was noisy or not........... it had me purring in 30 seconds flat. (and humming Jam up and Jelly Tight cause that vibrator did fit nice and tight)


I can't say I noticed the 4 knobby things once it was in.......... but I have to think the extreme pleasure it gave me included the knobby things.  I am quite proud to say that this G-spot vibrator left me weak and totally satisfied... 


AND 


I slept in a huge puddle last night 




If you wish to check out this vibrator or other  sex toys  just click the link and you will be magically transported to their website.