Lost and found?

After the pussy spreader and chopstick episode on Saturday evening... Sir moved me immediately to the cross. My head was spinning... i was still back there on that table with the world inspecting my private bits and pieces... Nevermind that my pussy had just become accustomed to the stretch and the bite........... and Sir just whipped them off leaving me fighting to catch up.. fighting to move onwards and upwards...

clamped to the cross.. spread eagle... almost shivering with nerves or the cold i couldn't quite decide... i soon discovered i didn't much like the cross.. it was a new one i am sure.. and had a cross bar that cut directly across my diaphragm.... whenever there was a specifically heavy hit my diaphragm would be pushed violently into this wooden cross bar ..making me feel like i was gonna puke... (like performing the Heimlich maneuver on one's self) never mind the fact the damn thing was pushing into what i think is my gall bladder - which had been acting up for the past week..... my mind was still processing the feelings of being a "nothing" of being a "thing" ... and so i had no voice.... my wrists were too high and without the proper suspension cuffs were tingling almost immediately... it just didn't feel fun

Sir used the tawse with great abandon.. and the cane.. the dreaded hated cane.. and the broad wooden paddle. No rhyme or reason... just hit .. and hit hard. Send the subbie's body banging into the wooden cross.. unforgiving .. hard..i missed the 1 2 3 4 count for the paddle.. i missed the ability to catch my breath.. i missed the boat.. completely.

And then it was over.. and i was down ..and snuggled up on the sofa with Sir... i know Sir snuggled up with me.. but somehow it wasn't enough... i was struggling to find my way.. in my head.. to where i belonged.. to firm ground.. to something i understood and could process.

Later i packed us up and we made our way out to the car... the dreaded hated cane never does fit perfectly into the bag.. and as i squished through the door, the cane caught the side of the frame and banged... i stopped to make sure it hadn't broken.. good sub i am !! Then loaded everything in the trunk and just wanted to be back in the hotel... snuggled under blankets and blankets... warm and sleepy ...

BUT it didn't happen that way... When i finally got the bag to the room.. the cane was gone........ G O N E .............. my world now skidded to an immediate stop.. Sir's cane.. His beloved cane was gone. and it was all my fault.. it had to be don't you see.. as i was the one responsible for the toys.. muddled brain or no muddled brain... my responsibility.

Sir retraced our steps out to the car... checked in the trunk.. no cane.

Sir tried calling the club.. tried calling the hostess.. the owner.. all to no avail. Finally sleep called His name and Sir slept... i lay staring into the darkness trying to screw my head back on straight.... it was at an awful angle you see.

In the morning........ after breakfast.. before we hit the highway.. we drove back to the club...... just in case.. maybe...

And there it lay .. small and lost.. a bit forlorn .. in the rain.. in the dirt... but alive and well.. and more than ready to whip my ass another day...........

Humiliation

It is strange sometimes how things just evolve.

i had decided - with Sir's permission - to wear the Chinese dress to the play party on Saturday evening. Then i had this brain wave ... sort of a theme.. chinese/oriental theme .. and asked Sir if i could bring the chopsticks/clamps up to the party as well.



He concurred.. and so the chopsticks were packed. Then Sir added the pussy spreader and some whipping toys.




Before we left Sir did a partial mummification by wrapping from just below my breasts to my waist in plastic wrap.

The drive up was uneventful - the mummification felt more or less like wearing a corset .. kinda binding.. kinda digging in... kinda uncomfortable .. but bearable.

We stopped at our favourite restaurant for lunch.. a place called "The Works" and over lunch we got talking about humiliation......... mainly because of a group Sir reads from time to time on Fetlife - aptly named "Humiliation" (i think that is it). Anyway........ over lunch we discussed different forms of humiliation and how it isn't my thing.. and how i am too strong .. too grounded in who i am to have any form of humiliation work very well.

Lunch over with.. i was faced with a couple of hours of shopping .. poking around in a rather large mall. i couldn't see myself managing another 2 hours or so in the mummification... so i asked Sir if He could remove it. Now for those of you who have never been wrapped in plastic wrap.. or heard of mummification.. once on, the only real way of getting it off.. is to cut it. So there we were standing in the parking lot of the restaurant, and Sir pulls out a box cutter He keeps in His pocket..lifts up my sweater (from the back) and proceeds to slice the wrap off. For a minute or two i wondered what someone would think if they were watching Him perform this little slicing.......... and then just pushed it from my mind as i wasn't exactly showing anything terribly personal.

Ok.. so now fast forward to the play party. It started off slowly as most of them do.. meeting and greeting old friends.. getting caught up on everyone's news. i was blown away by the decoration of the club - it had been decorated totally and completely in an Oriental theme (from a party the previous night) Well didn't i just fit right in .. in my chinese dress !!!

Sir was standing talking to a new Domme and i wandered over to join in their conversation. i am not sure how the conversation got around to chopsticks (as i wasn't really paying much attention... just being the dutiful slave standing beside my Sir) when Sir told me to get the chopsticks out of the bag .. and strip.

i got kinda of wiggly and a bit nervous.. we were afterall standing in the socializing part of the club.. no one else was playing...... and i was being told to strip naked??

i didn't hesitate too long - as there just didn't seem much point to it. i stripped .. found the plastic case that carries the chopsticks and handed it to Sir. He opened up the case and while i was standing there naked as a jay bird, with hands behind my head, He starts pulling out some of the chopsticks and explaining how they work. i was totally ignored. A few other folks came and joined Sir and this Domme. Everyone was chattering away as though i didn't even exist. It was a very strange feeling.

Sir was explaining how these chopsticks could be used just about anywhere. He reached .. grasped a nipple firmly between His fingers .... yanked it outwards.. and slapped one of the chopstick sets on........ then proceeded to add another set to the other nipple in much the same way. My startled yelps were ignored... though a couple of folks chuckled.

Then Sir disappeared downwards, encouraging the Domme to come take a closer look and so she disappeared downwards as well.. Sir clamped on sets of chopstick to each labia. Then He and she moved around behind me. A chopstick was slid between my legs and through my clit jewelry..another was added between my ass cheeks to sort of .. kind of.. anchor the clit chopstick. While this was going on.... a Dom came over to stand directly in front of me.. in my space in front of me.. if you understand what i mean. i could feel myself starting to feel very uncomfortable.

Sir and i have known this Dom for many years. In fact we call him "friend"...... so this shouldn't have thrown me as much as it was. He was standing there watching me.. looking right into my eyes.. not allowing me to drop my look.. or turn away. Then He said very quietly "you actually enjoy being naked in front of all these people don't you??!!" (in that stern Dom voice that they have - dominants i mean)

i turned my head.. i wiggled a bit.. (and got yipped at by Sir who was still positioning chopsticks and explaining how they worked) i looked back at the Dom in front of me. "Well??!!" i hummed and hawed and stammered.. and i realized i had never ever before felt so humiliated... the word finally gushed out of me "YES" i declared for all the world to hear.. "i do enjoy being made to stand naked in front of people". The Dom laughed out loud.

By then Sir had bounced back up .. bringing along the new Domme. The Dom who had been pushing my buttons asked if the nippled chopsticks would twirl .. and Sir suggested He might want to try. i closed my eyes. The chopsticks and my nipples were pulled and twisted.. and i stamped my foot and thought a few 4 letter words !!

Then Sir announced they all had to see His new toy... and He pulled out the pussy spreader. Everyone got involved in discussing what it was used for.. how it was used.. all the while i am standing there.. hands behind my head.. with chopsticks sticking out all over the place.

Sir explained it was a pussy spreader and suggested that i go find a table and get ready to demonstrate how it worked.

i have never really tried to walk with chopsticks clamped to my pussy .. my clit .. and my nipples. It was awkward and pokey and embarassing !!! But i managed to wince my way over to the table.. and cover it with a towel. By that time everyone was gathered around talking.. it was all just a blur to me. Sir told me to do something and the damn chopstick holding the clit chopstick in place popped out and rolled across the floor. Sir just stood there ordering me to go and get it and pick it up. Bending over with the chopsticks biting into me was almost more than i could bare.. i started to tear up.

Sir removed the chopsticks.. which alleviated some of my embarassement and discomfort. Then He had me hop up on the table and spread 'em........ so He could attach the pussy spreader. Everyone gathered around.. everyone was talking.. Sir was demonstrating.. and me?? i just closed my eyes and made them all go away.

After the fact.. Sunday - i was trying to explain to Sir just how humiliating it had all been... not in a bad way.. but not in a good way either. Maybe cause i thought i was basically immune to humiliation play. Maybe cause i thought i had become something more than just an object to play with ... to demonstrate on.

It was just a little attitude adjustment.

Fetish - fantasy - or???

Going to a play party tends to stress me a little bit.. what to wear..what to wear !!! and the stupid thing is..., we don't DO stand and model - so really what does it matter what i wear.. it is only gonna come off pretty soon after we arrive !!!

Anyway... for more than a few years now i have dreamed of owning a kimono.... but the cost is truly beyond my means.

A year or so ago when we were up in our Nation's Capital Sir bought me a silky North American translation of a kimono... it is red with gold patterns... but i have been truthfully way too shy to wear it.

And then a couple of weeks ago.. during March break actually .. i purchased myself a kimono (again another cheap North American knock off) that crosses over the front and ties... it is blue and gold and really is very pretty.....



i hung it nicely in my cupboard and wondered when i would ever wear it... cause... well squarish styles don't exactly flatter my squarish body.

Last weekend i shyly tucked the blue kimono into my bag and took it up to Kingston. After our time at the train show.. and dinner.. when we settled back into our hotel room, i hid in the bathroom and slipped into the kimono. Sir didn't bat an eyelash.. as though seeing me prancing around in a kimono was the norm. AND then Sir played with me in the kimono.. draping it nicely over my back or across my pussy .......... and i relaxed and decided i really did feel good wearing it........

NOW we were planning our trip to our Nation's Capital and i needed to find something to wear. i reached into the back of my cupboard and pulled out the red silk oriental dress that Sir bought me. i tried it on... and i have to be truthful .. images danced in my head.. images that had nothing to do with the image in the mirror .. but who the hell cares???

So both oriental outfits were packed in my bag for the trip...............

AND i asked Sir rather shyly if we might pack the chopsticks.. piles of them.. with elastics... and He said yes.. and i had this oriental theme in my head.... oh dear me.. am i turning into a fetish freak?? is that so wrong???

Anyway.. Sir also insisted i pack the pussy stretcher.. AND some other toys.. so the theme will have some hazy edges to it.. and maybe no one else will notice and it will just remain my fantasy...

i'll let you all know how it goes .. come Monday Morning Report.........

Sure signs of spring..

The calendar may dictate when Spring arrives...

Mother Nature may control the actual arrival of spring ...

BUT for me the sure sign of the arrival of spring is:

1) the loud honking of the geese as they arrive back after their winter hiatus...



2) a robin



and 3) our packing our bags for a trip up to our Nation's Capital to a play party!




Last weekend i saw my first robin.................



This morning standing outside i heard - then saw - the geese returning..........


And our bags are packed 'cause we are off to the spring play party today in our Nation's Capital...

So i guess i can honestly say - Spring has arrived here in the Great White North !!!

Quiet times..

For some reason unknown to me.. i am going through a quiet time...

At work - i am up todate YAY !! and nothing pending.. and the kids seem to be subdued for now (i am not so optimistic to think this is more than just a phase)

At home it is peaceful... the calm before the storm.. i guess i could be spring cleaning.. but i like the peace and the quiet ....... the spring fever hasn't hit me yet - especially when dear Buffalo out west says they are having snow and sleet and freezing rain.. and being the good friend he is.. he is sending it down to us... and i do feel Mother Nature may just be lulling us into a calm quiet place before she lambastes us with one last nasty winter storm..

Things are quiet and calm with Sir and i .. actually i feel we couldn't be in a better place.... mostly i think - cause i have come to the epiphany that we ARE doing 24/7 and i have stopped pushing for some unattainable fantasy life....

i am working on the next submission for Behind the Screen... and though i hate to say it... the images that dance around in my head while i write make me horny as hell.... (that is NOT to say they will do anything for you !!! Just that they are doing it for me.. and i am the one who counts right?? - cheeky grin)

So - lacking anything of substance to write about today..... i thought i would post a few pics over on the Photo Journal - please be advised these are NOT pictures of me.. but pictures Sir has sent me from His many lists He is on.....

Tomorrow - perhaps inspiration will hit.. and i will once again have something of substance to regale you with..............