Smoke and Mirrors

I was doing a lot of thinking yesterday after my post....... about how my blogging has changed in many ways since those first years.  

We were a tight knit group of masochistic submissives..... and we supported each other and shared secrets and advise and chatter.   I was pretty naive back then -- wearing my rose coloured glasses - believing everyone I engaged with were as real as I was -- as honest ........ 

And then........

one of the women was caught in a lie... more than one lie -- her whole blog was a lie -- everything she wrote was a fantasy and she had been using us.  And the news spread like wild fire.   We all felt cheated and hurt and angry.  Being me I was devastated.  I had trusted her -- shared with her .. laughed with and cried with her and she wasn't what she portrayed herself to be ....... how stupid could I have been??? 

(and before anyone questions this -- this woman took her blog down disappeared for awhile then came back for awhile then disappeared again)

It was explained to me quite simply........... the internet is all smoke and mirrors -- you never know for sure that the person you are talking with / sharing with is actually who they claim to be.

Now the few commenters I have are like social acquaintances  -- they make me smile and sometimes laugh -- sometimes I even worry a little bit about them.........but it's not the same now...... thanks to that woman many years ago who broke my rose coloured glasses ...... 

Dear Diary..........

Anyone else keep a diary ??  I kept journals for years -- I am guessing since late teens.  When I moved to Ontario I came across all those journals... years of  teenage angst and hope and deep philosophical thoughts (well they felt like deep philosophical thoughts - grinning)

Then I started blogging - 15 years ago - reaching out into the great dark void that was the internet ... hoping against hope I would find like minded people....... difficult to do when one is not entirely honest about who/what they are.  It took me a long time to use the word 'masochist'.  I always worried people would think I was damaged - sick - ya know?!  But then slowly I found one other like myself -- then they lead me to another and another and soon I discovered I wasn't alone with these desires and it felt very good!  'cause if I was 'sick' then I was in good company !!  For a few years we were a community of masochistic submissives 'talking' to each other via our blogs and emails - and once in while in person.  It felt great!

Then slowly our small community started disappearing.... one after another the blogs closed down and folks moved on.  I kept writing........ too stupid or too stubborn to just disappear.

Now I write cause I have always written........... I don't much pay attention to the numbers.. or the comments (or the lack of comments) cause it is MY story I am telling...... for me. 

It was brought to my attention yesterday that I might want to think about answering more of the comments that are left on my blog.  I might want to engage with folks a little bit more.  It kinda made me smile -- cause if you knew in me in the real world -- you would know that I tend not to interact with folks too much.  Weird yeah I know -- shrug 

So ......... I thought on the words of advise over night  -- I will try to interact a little bit more in the comment section....... no promises but I will try.

Waste of Time.......

This morning - early - I had to go for a mammogram.  I HATE doctors and doctor visits and diagnostic tests.  I got there 15 minutes before my appointment and the 'register here' department was short staffed so I got to sit for nearly 30 minutes before I could go in and get the damn test done!  Now I wait 6 weeks they say - for the results... I am hoping (hope against hope) that the whole test was a 'waste of time'.

Then because we have had internet connection problems for awhile now I placed a call to our provider......... my motto when you call with problems is 'hurry up and wait'.  I know they are working to find the problem and working to solve the problem but geeeeez once they played around for an hour they announced they would have to send a tech over.... on Thursday.  (see me grind my teeth?!)  BUT on the bright side they put me through to the billing department who knocked over $40 off our monthly bill for 2 years!!!

AND things got even better -- the tech called and said he was on the way over TODAY..... YAY!  he brought a new modem and said the problem was solved........ except I know a thing or two about computers.  So I told him to sit back down until I did a speed test.  TA DA!!  the speed is still intermittent and not as fast as it should be.  So now I have another tech coming out in the next couple of days to test the lines or something -- and will hopefully be able to solve our connection problems.

In the meantime nothing much got done around here today..... and I have a headache (le sigh).......... but it honestly wasn't a total waste of time.... the problems are going to be solved AND I will have a few more pennies in my pocket at the end of each month.

Sunday Sentiments

Elf Puke

Four years ago (and I know this because it came up in 'memories' on FB) youngest daughter sent me a message saying 'today is the day to clean up the elf puke' ... It made me laugh out loud........ cause when the holidays are over and the decorations are coming down....... and you have piles of stuff all over... it does look like Elf puke.

Today is our day to clean up the elf puke from this holiday season.........