FFF

When I stepped on the scales this morning I was prepared to cry.......

I am an emotional eater...... when things aren't going well -- when I am depressed -- or stressed - hell even if I'm happy -- I want to eat -- and not the good stuff.  I want cake and more cake and candy and chips........ GAH!!!

I have worked really hard at avoiding the sweets this week -- and there are no chips in the house.  BUT there have been homemade peanut butter cookies, double chocolate cookies.. ohhhhhh yeah and brown sugar cookies!!   Then there was the stress of no work contracts ........ and my moving here to Sir Steve's (I HATE moving -- the disruption -- the boxes -- the mess)

I thought I had failed this week -- I have nibbled on some of the cookies -- and I have spent a few days hiding in the corner of the sofa overwhelmed by everything....instead of walking/working burning off calories. 

BUT

when I got on the scale this morning I have actually lost one whole pound!!!  YAY me!!   

And now I am renewed and more determined to work off those 9 leftover pounds!!

Memories

One year ago yesterday Sir Steve shared the following on my facebook wall.  When I read it yesterday it made me smile -- cause ya know what?  That is exactly what we both have ....... and it IS perfect -- and that is a very good thing!

Another Block

I have been struggling.  Honestly I thought I had healed all the damage from the past.  BUT it would seem there are still some areas that need work.

Sir Steve's business took a sharp and quick down turn.  He has run out of contracts.  He hasn't been working for the last 2 weeks.

AND yes I know this happens when you own your own business -- when you are starting your own business.  

But my stomach is in knots.  There are bills to pay .... and dreams to live.  The dreams can easily be put on hold...... the bills not so much.

I told him in an emotional outburst how I was feeling.  He soothed me and told me it was gonna be ok.  I fussed over his being ok.  He reassured me he was ok.  He believes things will pick up again quite quickly.  I am stressing over this -- cause I don't think he's telling me the truth.  I think he's telling me what I want to hear.  I think he is worrying and not telling me.

Cause ya see -- in the past I was always the last to know.......... 
(and yeah it wasn't the same thing at all !!  BUT I still believe everyone is keeping secrets from me)

I thought I had beaten my 'trust issues' I really did.  AND I know if he was sitting here right now he would say "What is my name??!!"  but honestly it wouldn't help ....... 

What will help is another contract -- work -- and money coming in........... 

and just maybe it would help if I learned to fully and completely trust him and what he tells me........... (thanks to all who came before for stealing my trust) 

Party Hardy

Recuperate - to recover - to bounce back - to ameliorate - to survive!

Thursday we drove to Montreal to run some messages.

Friday we had eldest daughter and fiance for dinner.

Saturday we drove 1 1/2 hours to a demo/pot luck dinner/ play party and 1 1/2 hours home again.

Sunday morning we were back in the car driving to Montreal to have an Easter Brunch with the family.

Monday -- well Monday our world kinda tilted and spun off course.  Now we're trying to pull up our socks -- and get back on track.


It was a GREAT weekend though -- I may have had a wee bit too much to drink (for me) and my ass may have been beaten too much (NAH that's a lie!)  but I still have bruises and tender spots today (see me grinning?!) 

As for the rest of the crap............. 

 

Sunday Sentiments