Schedules

I live by schedules -- it's just who I am.

BUT when Hands is scheduled to visit especially for 'private time' my schedules are like my bible.

They start with one simple mark 
* the day He is coming

Then they get more complex --
The day before he is due I list
*clean the house (about 2 hours)
*pick up groceries needed (about 30 minutes)
*manicure/pedicure (about 2 hours)

The day he is coming it breaks down to more detail
* touch up the house  (about 30 minutes)
* shave, shower, hair, make up (about an hour)
* select dress (that involves trying on any number of outfits -- and can take forever!)
*set the table (about 5 minutes)
* prepare meal (usually about 20 minutes)

If you take a look at the total number of minutes devoted to getting ready -- it really doesn't fill up much of a day... 
BUT one thing you need to know -- by the day before I have great trouble focusing on the task at hand....... the day he is coming I am useless -- totally!!

BUT my schedules help me accomplish what I need to -- and help me count down the hours, then the minutes till Hands rings the bell....... and that is a very good thing.

Where is the Love?

Once Again

There's yet another shit storm going on over on FL.  Why oh why do I read these posts??!!

Reader's Digest version 
There was a play party in Houston and apparently some people decided to play consent non-consent in front of everyone.

When I read the original post against - I thought that it made perfect sense to me.  It sounded like a good test of people's willingness to call in a DM -- or someone in charge....  a couple of people did approach a DM and were told (from what I understand) that it was ok not to worry.  I guess they thought the DMs should have stopped it.  And got a little bent out of shape when they didn't.

Apparently the whole thing -- as edgy as it was -- was sort of an advertisement for an upcoming educational event on what to do in the event of problems at a play party.

Shrug

Now of course everyone is on the bandwagon - going on and on about how awful this was -- how disturbing it was.

Now I wasn't there -- and I guess I really shouldn't get bent out of shape ....... but ya know what??? Hands and his wife and I have had a couple of conversations about how "watered down" BDSM is becoming.  We seem to be sanitizing everything for fear we might upset someone's sensibilities.  Hell everyone who writes anything the least bit 'edgy' on FL now are posting "trigger warnings" at the top -- because god forbid someone might have flash backs to some horrendous ordeal they have been through!

I sit shaking my head.  Really??!!!  IF I start to read something that makes me uncomfortable I simply close it down and move on.  If I see something at a play party that upsets me I move away.  What is wrong with people??!!!  We are all adults for god's sakes.  Why are we not taking responsibility for ourselves??  Why are people expecting everyone else to protect them?? poor lost souls.  

I used to try to be involved in this new community.  I used to think I had something to offer.  But ya know -- not so much anymore.  The way I was brought up -- the way I was trained in the lifestyle -- makes me who I am.... for better or worse. And I can't / won't change.  I tried that for a bit and it didn't work.  I upset folks -- I have alienated folks.  That upsets the people pleaser in me.  So I will cuddle up in my lil corner of the universe and be happy (very happy) with my life now.  And I will let the new generation of kinksters take care of each other -- whatever that looks like.

Positive Re-enforcement

I had a little chat with his wife recently -- and I mentioned that I had put on 4 ounces.  I was stressing as only I can.  A couple of days later Hands brought it up with me -- quietly, no lecture just quiet words of encouragement.  I promised him I would try very hard not to stress over it -- and that I would work really hard not to spiral out of control -- after all -- I realized "part of my job as a submissive is to keep myself healthy for him" and I told him that.

I didn't think much more about the chat....... but I did keep eating my 3 meals a day -- and not over exercising (too much) 

Yesterday when Hands and I were chatting he just said in passing "I am proud of the way you handled the 4 ounces".  Just like that -- no fuss -- just - I'm proud of you.  And I realized how often I hear those words.  It's amazing how good those words make me feel..... and how much easier it is to do the things Hands wants me to -- or just to do the things I know I should do....... because he  quietly notices and re-enforces my positive behaviour/attitude.  He makes me feel valued and respected and more importantly he makes me feel "seen" .........

How to Do This Thing we call Submission

Lilac had some more questions for me -- 

Yes and I would like to ask you questions. Because I have a little confusion here. They say that once a person submits, that person can't make the rules . What would you advise and suggest a young and very strong submissive (who is a complete leader in vanilla world) entering the lifestyle in looking for a Dom ?

1). Should she find a 24/7 Dom who will let her do things her way in serving ?

2). Or should she find a Dom for bedroom purpose only ? 



(please everyone remember -- this is MY opinion!!)

Lilac --

I don't know where you are getting your information from -- BUT saying you can't make the rules is just wrong.  You should have the final say on what happens or doesn't happen -- which is why a submissive should be strong -- should know what she wants -- what she likes -- what she craves.

But there are steps........ ready?

When you meet a Dominant you are interested in -- when you have had the coffee dates and the usual getting to know you dates -- then you start 'negotiating'...... and there is no time limit on negotiations!!  One of you should have a check list -- find a very extensive one -- and fill it in -- and go over it with the Dominant ...... talk it out  -- and talk it out again.  And THINK about what you are agreeing to... 

Being a submissive can mean serving - it doesn't always have to though.  If it is not your 'thing' then service is off the table.  BUT -- if you like taking care of someone you love -- like making meals for them -- like making sure their creature comforts are taken care of -- putting them first -- then you negotiate what that looks like for you both.

AND

over time -- you can re-negotiate!  as you learn and grow - what you said "NO" or "maybe" to can change as your comfort levels increase.

BUT having said all that ....
on a day to day basis no you cannot change the rules -- you stick to what you agree on .. what you have negotiated....... which is why I said make sure -- SURE -- you negotiate well!


Lilac --

when it comes to looking for a Dom -- whether your relationship is 24/7 or just in the bedroom - it starts out just like any relationship -- vanilla or BDSM.  You spend time together -- you socialize together -- and you figure out (the best you can) if it is gonna work.  24/7 is pretty much like being married ya know.......... would you move in with someone -- or have someone move in with you after one date -- or one month??? 
AND if you find that someone special -- you still don't HAVE to do 24/7........ take it from me -- no matter how hard you try to have 24/7 real life gets in the way.... family, work, children, illnesses -- a whole multitude of stuff........ negotiate it -- negotiate everything -- and dear god -- always communicate!!  Even if you are striving to be the best slave the world has ever seen - remember in the final analysis only YOU can be responsible for YOU!  

(climbs down off the soap box now)