Sunday Sentiments

The Rumours of my Death

have been greatly exaggerated

I have had a bug -- a mystery bug -- that came with a fever that muddled my brain.  It seemed a whole lot safer to stay away from the internet and my blog.

The fever broke some time yesterday morning -- and the fog is slowly clearing from my brain.

I promise things should be back to  'normal' or as normal as it ever is around here by Monday .............. 

Moment in Time

My mind remembers his arrival on Sunday -- and how my heart pounded - and the burning need to show him my submission -- 

I asked in a quiet voice "please may I remove your boots" 

and I held my breath for fear he would say no 

But he smiled and said yes

And I sank to my knees at his feet 

and felt I had come home.

More Emotions

Yesterday I was feeling some strong conflicting emotions in the morning -- I was happily rubbing my bruises -- and smiling over our private time -- but feeling a little "droppy" and my sometimes feeling of being inadequate.  
 
Then I got a message that a friend had been taken into hospital........... and it sounded pretty serious.  There was not one flickering thought about not going -- not one.  She needed me so where else would I be?? 

  When I messaged 'Hands'  to tell him where I was going and what had happened -- he told me they would come if I needed them...... said it twice to make sure it got through the fog that is my brain on emotions.  It made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy -- but I could handle this -- I just pulled on my "big girl panties" and 'adulted' through the day. 

Fortunately -- as much as it still sounds pretty serious -- the surgeon decided to treat her as an out patient and at the end of a long day I was able to take her home.


But when I got home in the evening -- to the quiet and calm of my lil home -- the tears came.  When I have to I can "adult" really well -- take charge -- make sure things are handled......... but damn after ??? I always just kind of crash -- and feel alone and scared.  Believe it or not -- despite the heat -- I wrapped myself up in a soft snuggly blanket and curled up on the sofa -- Miss Ashes seemed to sense my emotions and she curled up beside me and put a lil paw on my breast -- rubbed her head against me purred and purred.  Not quite as good as being held tight in a hug -- but it damn sure pulled a close second.

And now it is Tuesday -- and time to drag myself back to reality -- no more time allowed to feel .......... time to go to the gym -- get the laundry done -- pick up some groceries and get on with my life -- such as it is. 

That is what adults do -- right?

Emotions

Saturday was an awful day -- absolutely awful.  'Hands' had told me we would have private time on Sunday...... and all day Saturday I was sure something was going to happen to cancel our time together.  

Sunday morning I think I held my breath until I got the message that he was on the road heading my way.  I don't think I have ever been such a bundle of pent up emotions and need........... 

I have said before -- not long ago -- that I thought I was going to implode -- though I really didn't have any idea what that would look like.......... I think I do now.... 

At one point I just dissolved in tears -- my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest... there were so many emotions --  pain pleasure (of course) but also gratitude - huge amounts of gratitude and fear that I wouldn't "measure up" ........ 

Thankfully 'Hands' has big strong arms and no fear of melting from unexpected tears......

Today I am more focused -- and a whole lot less needy -- but still very very grateful for 'Hands' and his amazing sharing wife.

(oh and if anybody is wondering -- I did get to sit on 'Hands' lap  - cross #1 off the "to do list" )