Threads

i love quiet........ when i am home alone i seldom if ever have the radio or television on..... the silence soothes my soul..... and yet i pick - probably one of the noisiest jobs there is .. primary education.

i like (actually it is probably more a compulsion) having order and structure and routine in my life.

there are times that i get as excited as a child.. as i did as a child - and can't sleep - but most of the time i sleep better than any baby i know...... needing and getting 8 hours.

i have an irrational fear of the dark - closing all the blinds in the house at dusk and turning on the lights.

to the outside world i am a VERY strong - capable - 'in charge' type of woman
inside i am a little girl who doesn't feel the least bit strong or capable or in charge

i hate verbal disagreements

i hate raised voices.

i hate to fail - and yeah sometimes will avoid something if i think i may fail at it.

i love Christmas

i love walking in the snow late on Christmas Eve when all around me it is quiet and bright with snow and lights.

i love my kids - someone once asked me how many kids i have and i answered 90 .. oooooooops they meant my own flesh and blood.......

i hate to see any child suffering.

i love / need / cherish my Sir - He brings order and structure and routine to my life.

i love that Sir feeds my endophin habit

i love that He listens to me and hears me

i love that He values me

i have a passion for words

i have a passion for mystery books

It is 3 in the morning and the excited child inside of me woke up - it is the last day of school (thank goodness!! i am not entirely sure i could have made it through many more days) the house is still - even the cats still sleep - and i decided to weave a few more threads of who i am into the blogs i write........ not the 101 list of things.... just added a few more threads to the tapestry of my life...........

On being a mom

i wear many hats in this life........ one of them is the "Parent" hat. It hasn't been an easy job being a parent.. i don't think anyone who has been a parent would argue that fact with me. Kids just don't come with "how to" manuals. But somehow the kids and i managed to survive all the different stages.. the baby stage.. the mumps measles and chicken pox stage.. the teen years - oh they were a joy !! and the "all grown up I can do it on my own" stage...... and other than the occasional "HELP/SOS" call to both sets of grandparents.. i basically managed to drag these girls of mine up.. (oh yeah.. with the help of their father - i almost forgot him.. cheeky grin)

i never asked how one puts a child to bed at a decent hour...... i never needed instructions on how to teach them morals and respect and trust and honour and all those good things.... i just muddled ahead.. not always right.. hell i made mistakes .. lots of them.. but my girls were raised with MY moral expectations .. not some stranger's. i raised them with love.. lots of love .. and yeah some times it was tough love...... BUT they always knew that when push came to shove....Mom would be there.. to pick them up and brush them off.. or stand shoulder to shoulder with them.

i may not have always gotten it right...... but i can say - with great pride - i have two wonderful daughters who have grown into responsible beautiful women... AND that dear readers, is a job... i AM truly proud of !!!!!!

Confession time..

i have a confession to make..........


Sometimes .. occasionally... i can be a B R A T ! i know i know.. it is such a surprise! ME a brat!! That reputation started a long time ago....... way back when...... someone called me a
S.A.M. (smart assed masochist) Now that one made my blood boil.. made me want to stamp my foot .. made me want to spit tacks.. i am NOT a S.A.M. Sir took great amounts of time to explain to the offending party that NO i was not a S.A.M. i was
a B R A T !!

I had reason to think about that term yesterday...... and i am not sure exactly why but i went to the dictionary to look up the word....... did you know that brat comes from the french "brachet" ........ and means "hound bitch"?? a BITCH??? hang on a minute here... i don't see myself as a ''bitch'' ... brat maybe....... but bitch?? S.A.M.?? i don't think sooooooo!

There is this little devil inside of me... sometimes Sir leaves Himself open.. and i try .. i do try !! to avoid the temptation..... but then .. well .. next thing i know BANG! the brat has struck.. and i am left wondering where that came from!! i will give you a couple of examples.. sometimes Sir will say something and my knee jerk reaction will be to stick my tongue out at Him..... (yeah yeah i know.. how subbie is that!!?) BUT He has cured me of that.. well almost cured me.. by one of two methods.. i either have to suffer Tabasco sauce sprinkled liberally on my tongue (gag gag gag !!) OR He will slap a couple of clothes pegs on my tongue (even worse GAG GAG GAG!!)

Then there was the time Sir had me lying on the bed on my stomach .. and He was beating my ass.. and it hurt..and i was giggling.... (don't ask why!!) and i was facing Sir... my head to His knees kinda of position and i looked up .. and well.. i saw His .. ummm .. "family jewels".. and the saying "i won't hurt You if You don't hurt me" just popped into my head.. and before i could even think about it i was holding the "family jewels" saying that!!! (i am not sure who was most surprised Sir or me!!)

Sir has become very adept at making sure all the t's are crossed and the i's dotted now with me... like when He wrote the latest list of rules (that were almost instantly defunct - don't ask why) one of the rules said (well i read) i was to send an email by 6:30 on weekdays and 7:30 on weekends...... my bratty mind went right.. "an email" ok ok so i will send an email with nothing in the body........ BUT Sir had covered that angle and when i reread the rules it actually said "an email JOURNAL" ...

Once.. after spending some time with a very good Dom and His slave.. i felt off colour a bit.. and i promised Sir i was gonna change.. i was gonna become a much better sub (ummm seems i make that promise rather regularily) and that i wouldn't be a brat anymore !!! Sir told me He didn't want me to change.. the brat was just part of who i was.... which is quite true.. it IS a part of who i am... and thank the gods that be that Sir is happy to have the brat once in a while rear it's devilish lil head..........

Holiday music.

There was the glorious music of the Holiday Pops on PBS last evening........ sitting by the lit Christmas tree listening to the wonderful music with Sir by my side......... "YES" i thought "Christmas is coming! despite the spring temperatures and the green grass and my garden thinking it is time to sprout"......... the music played on.. the mood mellowed .........

And then...... oh THEN.. they announced the announce i was most dreading.. Jose Feliciano was coming up next............ and i mentioned in passing .. very innocently indeed.. that Feliz Navidad was my most hated song.


Sir got that look.. that most evil of Grinchy looks .. and He reached for the quirt.. the most dreaded of toys.. and Sir promised me strongly that i wouldn't be bored. The second that Jose appeared on the screen, my position was clear.. my ass in the air. Sir kept a good beat to each song that he sang, and i whimpered and cried and wiggled about. Never .. no never.. did i ever remember .. Feliz Navidad being quite so long. It ended with Santa wishing "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night".

And i believed it was over.. my ass safe once again..

Till this morning.. when on CBS Sunday Morning.. did they announce that Jose Feliciano would soon be there.... my brain scrambled faster than the eggs i was making.. i squirmed and i wiggled and imagined the quirt..... i begged to be allowed to come up to the office.. but permission denied Sir needed me there... The quirt in hand .. He smiled quite nicely.. and on the first note of Feliz Navidad.. my ass was presented once more for a beating...........

The count down is 7 more days of festivities........ i can only hope that Jose is done for this year....... and that Sir is content to sit and listen not practice His beat!

challenging..

Sir was here when i arrived home from work........ and i faced a challenge... getting myself into subbie mode .. quickly and efficiently..... It has been almost 3 weeks since we were together..... and as i said earlier this week.. for those 3 weeks i have been fancy free and foot loose.

BUT oh my it was wonderful to see Him.. even the first punishment spanks - even if i did cry through them - felt like heaven...... Sir was back.. all was right with the world once more.

The challenge really came last evening..... we were watching TV and Sir decided to "play" one of His favourite games.. (i call it boring commercials) Every time a commercial would come on, i was expected to roll over on my stomach (i always sit on the floor at Sir's feet) and present my ass. Sir had selected the small purple plastic flogger for the evening's games..


there is something about the purple plastic floggers. (we have a small one and a large one) that defies description....... it stings .. it cuts.. it burns.. it is one BIG ouch!!! It isn't too bad if Sir has warmed me up nicely and used a multitude of other toys on my ass before reaching for the "purple people eater" .. but last night was just a lesson in enduring.

He started the "game" around 9:00 i guess - we were watching Nikita.... and continued right through till i begged permission to go to bed - around 11:00 .......... the challenge to the game is .... i get 5 - 6 minutes of flogging then it stops for 10 minutes or so and then 5 - 6 minutes of flogging again.. and so on and so on. Last evening i prayed for extensions to the show.. my ass burned like the dickens right up until the next commercial. i kept thinking ... ok ok.. i won't fly .. i won't cum .. but maybe .. just maybe ?? i will have some marks in the morning. (this particular flogger has been known to leave tiny red pin point spots all over my ass ) but there was nothing............

After almost 3 weeks of fancy free fun loving freedom. .Sir has tightened the leash a bit.. i am punished / corrected quickly when i forget to ask for permission for things.. when i talk back.. and it is a wonderful challenge.. i am owned.. i am cared for.. i am loved........